Page 69 of Rain of Shadows and Endings

It had been three days of Theon’s new expectations. Three days of going through the motions. Three days of doing as she was told. Three days of biting her tongue and keeping everything inside. Three days of barely speaking. Three days of being trapped in these rooms. Trapped in this house. Trapped in her own head.

Trapped.

So fucking trapped.

Theon had been true to his word. He didn’t force anything sexual on her. There was often physical contact, but nothing overly suggestive. He hadn’t asked to kiss her again since that first day. He would press soft kisses to the top of her head or to her temple, and his hand was always in hers or touching her in some way, but that was it. She’d admit she’d been getting the best sleep of her godsdamn life though. The bond was content sleeping next to him every night, but each day she found it harder and harder to resist the pull of the cord inside her that was pushing for more.

And each day she wondered if she was losing more and more of her mind. Of herself. Each day she wondered if this would be the day she finally gave up.

Theon tried at various times to engage her in conversation. So did Luka and Axel. She quickly lost interest in whatever they were saying.

No, that wasn’t true.

She simply did not care.

Not only that, she was worried if she spoke too much, she’d say something reckless and make things even more unbearable.

She tried to read a book, but she couldn’t focus on the pages for more than a few minutes at a time. Not that she minded reading. She just couldn’t sit still long enough to focus on it, her mind constantly wandering. Suddenly she’d read five pages but had no idea what the pages had said.

Now she was lying awake in bed. For the first time ever, she had woken before Theon. His arm was draped over her waist, his features softer in sleep. That muscle that always ticked in his jaw relaxed for once. As carefully as she could, she slipped from beneath his arm, hoping not to wake him. She hadn’t been in a space by herself for longer than five minutes for three days. A cup of coffee in the quiet morning hours sounded divine. No need to weigh every action and word. Not having eyes constantly on her. A few minutes when she could try to feel something other than the numbness settling over her soul. A few minutes to breathe.

Tessa slid on Theon’s thermal shirt. He’d taken to leaving one out for her on the armchair by the fireplace. His body heat kept her plenty warm at night, but she was always chilled in the mornings. She tiptoed barefoot out to the main room, closing the bedroom door behind her so she wouldn’t wake him while she made coffee.

A few minutes later, she settled into the bay window, a hot mug of coffee warming her hands. She loved dawn. Watching the sun start to climb. The promise that anything could happen. Nothing ever changed for her, but she liked the idea that something could change. Silly idealistic notions when she really thought about it. Hope never amounted to anything.

She stared out at the winding garden paths below. When she’d run through them in her escape attempt, she hadn’t taken the time to look around. She had simply taken the main path that led straight into the mountains. But she had studied them from this vantage point in her hours of being trapped inside. There had been a constant gloomy drizzle for the last three days, so she hadn’t even been able to sit on the balcony.

Movement caught her eye outside, and she found Axel running in the rain. Having never been awake this early, she’d never seen him out there before. She’d never been a runner. She didn’t particularly want to be a runner, but she did want to be outside, even in the rain. Even if she had to run.

Tessa rose from her seat and retrieved the phone Theon had given her. It was on his desk, plugged into the charger. She hadn’t touched the thing since they’d returned from Castle Pines and she’d handed it back to him. This phone was expensive. It looked like it was one of the latest models. She would have given just about anything to be holding one of the old, outdated phones she shared with her friends rather than this shiny new thing. This phone was just one more thing that separated her from who she had once been.

Returning to the bay window, it took her a minute to find Axel again. He was towards the back of the gardens now, almost out of sight. She didn’t know much about running, but he seemed to be making pretty good time. Unlocking the phone, she pulled up Axel’s contact information, quickly typing out a message.

Tessa: Can I go running with you?

She turned her attention back to the window where she saw Axel come to a sudden halt. He pulled his phone from his pocket, trying to shield it from the rain. Tessa watched the phone beside her as she sipped her coffee, waiting to see if he was going to answer. A moment later, her phone gave a soft ping.

Axel: One- I didn’t know you were a runner. Two- I’m guessing Theon won’t like that.

She pursed her lips, but before she could respond, another message came through.

Axel: You should ask Theon to take you running.

She’d never seen Theon run, and she was rarely away from him. Although, come to think of it, he must train at some point to maintain looking the way that he did. So when did he have time to do that? When he was gone for those meetings with his father maybe?

Her phone pinged again, and Tessa glanced down at the message. Axel had apparently taken her lack of response as her being upset.

Axel: If you can convince Theon to let you, I’ll gladly run with you. Talk to Theon.

A door banging open made her jump as she clutched her coffee cup, trying not to spill any of it.

“Tessa?” Theon called, rushing into the main room. Upon seeing her in the bay window, he hurried to her side. “What are you doing out here?”

Tessa blinked up at him in surprise. “…drinking coffee?” She lifted her mug a little to further her point.

“Gods, Tessa,” he breathed, running his hands through his sleep-addled hair. “I woke up to an alert that you were using your phone and then you weren’t in bed… You know you’re not supposed to be out of my sight.”

“You were sleeping, Theon,” she snapped, and his emerald eyes flared brighter at her outburst. “I’ve been out of your sight since you fell asleep last night,” she added, rolling her eyes.

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