When he appeared a second night and a third night and a fourth night, she became even more solid in her conviction that he was no ordinary aspect of her dreams. And she became even more determined to have a conversation with him. After all, she was shunned by most of the women she lived with, and the only men were servants or stableboys or guards, and they stayed away from all the tolorah.
But even though she had an uncanny ability to remember her dreams and a unique awareness when inside them, she could not control them.
Not yet.
It became her obsession. Somehow, she knew if she tried hard enough, she could find a way to get closer to the dark stranger, and she could interact with him. Find out why he came to watch her, night after night. Find out who he was and where he came from.
Never did it occur to her to be afraid of him. There was something about him so incredibly familiar. Since she was an orphan, no one knew where she came from. She had no home. But if she did have a home, it would feel like him. She knew this, somewhere deep in the core of her, a feeling as sure as the stars burning in the sky each night.
And so, while she never practiced magic in her waking hours outside of the cathedral, she began to summon it here, in her dreams. At first, it was very slow. Teaching herself to travel through her dreamscape without getting sucked into part of it or forgetting her way was the first step. She’d sometimes make it just a step or two before everything shifted. Moving something was even harder. She decided to focus on making a single astherium blossom fall from a tree. Over the years, she was able to make all the blossoms fall and then grow back again.
Eventually, she could approach the dark stranger and speak to him, though to her immense disappointment, he never spoke back.
She kept at her dream magic even so.
Because it was all in her head, wasn’t it? What happened in her dreams didn’t affect her waking reality.
It was all perfectly safe.
Chapter Fifteen
I don’t sleep the rest of the night, and when dawn rises over the mountaintops, I’m already dressed and ready to go. My shock and rejection from the night before have faded, and now I feel only stormy resentment. I don’t want the fate of an entire realm resting on my shoulders. I don’t want to have strange and unruly magic. And what I do want clearly doesn’t want me in return.
It’s not as if I tried to develop feelings for Zyren. I wish I didn’t have them, just as he clearly wishes the same. I wish I could go back to hating him, which had been so much simpler than the mix of emotions raging through me now. Why am I so drawn to someone I don’t even like? Because I don’t like him. He’s overly serious and arrogant and tries to control my every move. I wonder if all guardians are like this.
I head for the dining room at the opposite end of the compound, even though I’m not sure anyone else is awake. As I pass through the rooms, my eyes wander to the river on my right, which I have not seen by the light of day until now. It’s beautiful, reflecting the morning sun like a ribbon of gold amidst the stark gray stone of the mountains.
My mind recalls the serpent-like creature of the night before, our beautiful host. Are there really nightmares that are good? It seems antithetical to their very existence. But then, until recently, I hadn’t realized that nightmares were actual living, breathing things with a life of their own outside of one’s sleep. I suppose it makes sense that they’re not necessarily all bad.
And even though I don’t want to think about Zyren right now, I remember how he said he would never place me in harm’s way, and I believe him. Riya must not be a danger to me, or else we wouldn’t be here. It’s still hard, however, to wrap my brain around how the beautiful woman I had dinner with last night can turn into the dark serpent who swam through the moonlit waters. But that brave, bold part of me that rules my dreams has a dark side, too. I wonder, deep within, how very different I am from the nightmares after all.
I’m prepared to wait alone in the dining room, but when I approach, I hear voices within. I recognize Zyren’s voice and then Riya’s. My footsteps slow, curiosity piqued, even as my cheeks flush at the idea of eavesdropping.
“We need to get as close to Selaye as possible without traveling any of the roads. The Septarus will no doubt be waiting for us between here and our destination.”
“The path beneath the mountain is treacherous,” Riya says, “But it’s still safer than a confrontation with them.”
“Agreed. We’ll have to risk it.” Zyren’s voice is hard and clipped, as it had been last night on the mountaintop. “We don’t have much time left before the Obsidian Moon completes its cycle.”
Silence falls for several long moments.
“You’re going to tell her, right?” Riya asks. “You’re running out of time on that front, too.”
“Yes,” Zyren says. His voice has dropped several octaves, the tension giving way to weary resignation. “I’ll tell her everything.”
I hear the scuff of a boot and nearly exit my skin as Wyn strides up behind me, carrying two huge trays of food. “Good morning, your highness.”
I cringe, both at being caught eavesdropping and the use of the honorific. Cheeks flushing, I step around the corner into the dining room. Zyren’s eyes flick to mine, burning intensely for a moment before looking back down at the table.
“I see you’re an early riser,” Riya says by way of greeting. “I hope you slept well.”
“Yes, thank you,” I say, a complete and absolute lie for the sake of good manners. “I know we need to get back on the road soon.”
“We were just discussing that.” Riya nods toward a map on the table as I take a seat.
“It’s actually less of a road we’ll be traveling and more of a…passage,” Zyren responds.
I look back and forth between the two of them. “A passage?”