Page 17 of Best Friend's Dirty Ex

“I’ll be overlooking every step of the process to ensure things are done right. I’m not a control freak, but I’m serious about the quality of mine and my team’s work. I can only verify quality if I’m there through the process.” It’s a talk I’ve had often and know needs to be clarified to make me not look like a crazy, overbearing boss. I treat my team well and offer bonuses for every job. But I know how my words can sound, and I never want anyone to have the wrong idea.

“You sound like a good boss.” There’s an unexpected warmth to his tone as he says the words and I hesitate, meeting his gaze and feeling that strange warmth begin to build up again. I don’t know why I like his compliments, maybe because he’s pretty much the only man who has complimented my skills and not my looks.

“And if you’re overlooking things, remember, you’re welcome to just stay in the guest room. Might be easier than driving back and forth at odd hours of the day and night.” He says the words in a nonchalant tone that doesn’t even feel like he’s pushing, more like he’s gently reminding me of the offer. If anyone else had told me the same thing so many times, I’d likely feel like they were bullying or pressuring me. But I don’t feel that way with Troy.

Instead, I lift a shoulder and offer a slight smile. “I might just take you up on that during certain stages of the process.”

He’s right, that would make things easier.

As he nods his head, I arch an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure that this isn’t just a way for you to try even harder to get in my pants?”

He slashes a charming grin and makes a motion with a finger like he’s crossing his heart. “No promises. But I swear as long as you say no, I’ll keep my hands to myself.” We both stand in unison and he moves closer to me. “But the second,” he says in a low voice that has my heart pounding, “that you say yes, I’m going to make you cum until you your legs stop working.”

His words send a shiver down my spine.

“Well then, I’ll have to keep saying no. Walking is an important part of my job.” Despite my words, I hear how soft my tone is and know he’s aware of the effect he has on me.

“Don’t worry, I won’t break you. I’ll just make sure you feel delicious. And I’ll do that as many times as you allow me to.”

Something about how he says allow me to makes me feel powerful, sexy, and in control of our encounters. It’s an odd feeling, after my relationship with James. I swore I’d never let another man make me feel powerless or make me do something I don’t want to do, but I want this. If I’m being honest with myself, I really, really, really want what Troy is offering me.

“I’ll think about the room. Not the other thing.” I grin while rubbing a trembling hand across the back of my neck. He leans in even closer, and I suddenly wish he’d just pull me in for a hug and growl into my ear.

“I hope you will.”

After my meeting with Troy, I sit at the dog park, smiling at strangers and watching dogs play. While I’m not sure I feel completely safe doing this, I also don’t want to lose out on my wind down time because my ex might be stalking me.

I’m still not even sure I actually saw him. Maybe it was just a figment of my imagination, a shadow I saw out of the corner of my eye that my brain thought was him even though it wasn’t. Like Troy said, grief is weird. James was trash, but I’d still grown attached. And I’d lost him. No matter what kind of man he is, I’d still lost that attachment.

And while I’m glad he’s gone, I know it’s normal to feel a sense of loss. So I’m not about to beat myself up for whatever my brain is doing. Instead, I’ll just let the feels happen and be aware of my surroundings.

I flinch a bit as a big black lab comes bounding up to me, a frisbee in his mouth. Instead of trampling me, he plants his butt on the grass and drops the toy before staring at me as if expecting me to make the next move. Past him, I see who I assume is his owner, a young man who can’t be more than twenty-something, gesturing for me to throw the frisbee back to him.

I pick up the toy and stand as the dog stands up with me. With a practiced flick of my wrist, I send the disc flying straight back to the owner as the dog races off after his toy.

With a smile, I use a hand to shield my eyes from the sun and watch the dog leaping and trying to catch the toy every step of the way until the owner catches the disc.

The dog leaps into him, bowling him over and sending him to the ground on his backside as I laugh.

This is my happy safe space, and I’m not about to let fears about my ex take that from me. Whether he is or isn’t stalking me, I’m not about to change my life to avoid him. He was an evil person, and I’m not going to let him take the little moments of joy I snatch from the jaws of healing.

Though if I’m being honest with myself, I’m over him. I don’t miss him. I don’t even wonder what if anymore. I don’t feel anything for him anymore, other than contempt, anger, and a strange grief. No love, no missing him, no wanting him back. Honestly, there’s more relief than anything. Relief that he’s gone, that he can’t keep breaking my heart, that I’m free of him and his abuse. Because he seemed to love hurting me. He’d throw me away, then reel me back in with sweet words, small gestures of kindness, and then he’d go right back to being cold and pushing me away.

And the cheating… that was too hard to deal with. Finding out that he was taking other women to bed and breaking my heart… that hurt. So much. And now that I’m free of him, I just feel more relief than anything.

The owner throws the disc in my direction again, but the dog leaps up and grabs it out of the air before it can get very far and runs it back. I smile as I watch them play, thinking about how my life is moving on. I don’t want to admit my feelings for Troy, but I’d be lying if I tried to deny that there’s something between us. Some magnetic pull that I don’t understand and can’t seem to smother no matter how hard I try.

I don’t want to like him.

I don’t want to suspect my friend isn’t telling me the whole truth.

I don’t want to wonder which one is telling me the truth and which is lying.

But their stories don’t seem to match, and that bothers me.

“You seem deep in thought.”

I glance up as Hunter walks over and plops down next to me.

---