Page 52 of Knot Their Reality

I drop my head, no longer able to look at him—at any of them— as tears fill my eyes.

This is hard, so much harder than I thought it would be. And we haven't even started talking yet. I haven't even looked at the two alphas in the room. I don't know that I can. With how much Chase and Carson have changed, I'm afraid to see the changes that have been made on them in the years we've been separated.

What happened to them? What changed them? Are they even remotely the men I fell too hard for in a cabin on the side of a mountain when we were snowed in together? I'm not sure that I want to know the answer to that last question, and I'm too afraid to voice the first two.

Keeping my head down, I move further into the room. Chase and Carson sit on either side of my chair at the head of the table with Asher beside Carson, and Liam on Chase's other side. I'll have to pass all of them to make it to my seat.

It's almost enough to have me pausing mid-step, but I force myself to keep going. This conversation is going to be hard. There's no reason to delay it anymore. As soon as it's done, I can be done with them, right?

It sounds like a lie to my ears, but I ignore that. I just have to make it through. I can do this.

I lift my head but avoid all of their gazes as I straighten my shoulders and make my way to my seat.

Chase, who is still standing, pulls out my chair for me. I don't need him to do that, but it's nice of him.

"Thank you," I murmur, not turning toward him. No, I'm keeping my eyes on the doorway I'd just vacated. I'm so not ready for this. I don't think I'd ever be ready for this, but it'll be easier if I don't have to look at any of them.

A rational thought? Absolutely not, but it's the only way I can keep myself from fleeing.

"You're welcome, Sophia." Chase's voice sends a shiver down my spine, and as much as I'd like to hide it from the four of them, I know they've seen it.

I clear my throat, linking my hands on the table to keep myself from fidgeting. "Well, I have to say that this is quite a surprise."

"We knew it would be," Asher says quietly. "Though it wasn't quite the reaction we thought we'd be getting when you saw us."

I can't help but snort as I shake my head. "What? You didn't think I'd pass out the minute I laid eyes on one of you? Yeah, I can see how that wouldn't be an expected reaction."

"Are you okay?" Chase asks as he returns to his seat, hand snaking across the table toward me. I jerk my arms off the table, lowering them in my lap. I certainly do not need him touching me right this second, but I can't help lifting my eyes to him.

He gives me a sad smile but nods his understanding.

Now that my eyes are on him again, I can't seem to help but turn to look at Asher. The alpha is even hotter than I remember. Tall and well-built without being bulky like Dylan and Ulf. His chestnut brown hair is slicked back just like I remember, but there are more gray strands that have appeared. It looks good on him, as does the tuxedo he wears like a second skin. Some men are just born to wear tuxedos.

When his pale blue eyes catch on mine, I momentarily forget how to breathe. It's amazing how being around them again has made it hard to do basic things I need to do to survive—like breathing. So many emotions run through his eyes while his face remains motionless, set in a neutral look that gives nothing away. But his eyes? They give everything away.

It's too bad I can't force myself to continue to look at him as pain rushes through me again. I turn my head away to find both Liam and Carson watching me. As always, Liam's face gives nothing away, but at least he looks the same as he did before. So rugged and handsome. His dark hair is still shorn close to the scalp, his beard well maintained, and his hazel eyes expressionless. He always was the hardest to read.

"You look good, Sophia," Liam says, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "That dress looks like it was made for you."

I laugh. "That's because it was." I sigh, shaking my head before turning to look at Carson once more. He's almost as hard to look at with his serious face. Where did the joking, fun-loving beta I knew and lo—

Nope. Don't go there. Can't go there.

"Bree and Tessa informed me that they sought you out and asked you to join this season because I was the omega. I apologize for any disruption that might have caus—"

"Damn it," Carson roars, hands slamming down on the table. "Stop being this polite, lawyer version of yourself. What happened to the woman that we met in the cabin? Where's that fire? Where's that determination?"

"You destroyed her," I spit out, instantly regretting it. Playing the blame game isn't going to do anyone any good. Just like biting back at Carson's anger won't do any good.

I squeeze my eyes shut and count to five before opening them once more. "As I was saying, they informed me that once they spoke with you there seemed to be more to the story than I thought. They believe that I should listen to what you have to say."

"And what do you want, Sophia?" Asher's voice is still quiet, and I can feel his eyes on me.

"I have no idea," I tell him, my eyes falling to my hands that have found their way onto the table once more. "I just know that I've spent the last two years hurting because of what happened in that cabin, and I think I deserve to have some answers. I don't know if it'll change anything or what'll happen. But I want to listen to what you have to say."

"Good," Liam says before leaning back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. It makes the tux pull against the muscles in both his chest and arms. It takes a lot of effort to look away. My eyes fall back to Chase as they have each time. He really is the safest for me to look at. Not because he hurt me any less or anything like that, but because I know he'll be able to read what I'm feeling. He'll be able to tell his pack when I need a break or what their words are doing to me.

He's my safety net.

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