Page 95 of Never a Hero

Joan’s chest still felt tight. ‘And when we meet up with them again?’

Nick gave her a long look. Joan felt as if he were seeing right inside her. ‘He must have been really something if you’re afraid that a single human could hurt all those monsters with all those powers.’

He had no idea. Legends had been built around him. He’d been a bedtime story to frighten monster children.

‘I thought …’ Nick’s jaw worked for a moment. ‘When you told me what monsters were … When I understood what they were … I thought that at least I still understood you. But I didn’t understand anything, did I? You said that we needed to protect humans. But someone was protecting humans already. And you killed him.’

You’d killed my family, Joan wanted to say. But there was no excuse for what she’d done. He was right. He’d protected humans, and she’d removed that protection.

In her mind’s eye, Joan saw him catch Corvin’s fist. Catch the hilt of Lucien’s sword.

Nick seemed to know what she was thinking about. ‘When that man tried to hit you.’ There was a flare in his eyes for a moment. ‘When he tried to hit you, I knew how to stop him. I think I could have broken his arm. I knew where the bone was weakest. I knew how much pressure it would have taken to make it snap.’

‘Nick …’

‘I know how to get out of this carriage,’ Nick said. ‘I know to wait for an acceleration—to make it harder to chase me. I know where to kick the door and how hard. I know how to jump to prevent injury.’

‘You’re not a prisoner.’ Joan heard her own voice crack. ‘If you want to leave, you can leave.’

‘I suppose if I don’t, you’ll ask an Argent to make me forget all of it,’ Nick said. ‘Forget what I saw. Forget what you told me.’

That thought hadn’t even occurred to Joan, and she was horrified by how tempting the idea was. For just a moment, she let herself imagine Nick’s face slackening until the betrayal eased from it. As though she could click undo, undo until he was the version of himself who’d kissed her in the library again.

And then her stomach dropped as if she was going to be sick. ‘No. I wouldn’t do that.’

‘Why not?’ he said. ‘You’ve done it before.’

He didn’t even know the extent of how he’d been manipulated. Eleanor had unmade and remade him before Joan had. Monsters had meddled with his life more than he knew.

The carriage turned. Between buildings water shone, black as oil. Where were they? Nick turned to watch their progress. ‘Truth is,’ he said, ‘I’m not sure the Argent power would work on me again. I can feel how I’d break it. I know how.’

He shifted his weight, and Joan flinched. He turned back to her, registering the movement. ‘You’re so afraid of me,’ he said. ‘I didn’t understand it before. Why would you—a monster—be afraid of me? But you knew what you’d done. You knew from the moment you met me.’ He frowned, remembering. ‘You touched my neck the first time we met. Did you steal time from me?’

‘No,’ Joan blurted. She couldn’t believe he’d think that of her, but then … Joan had also asked that of Ruth when she’d first learned the truth. Did you ever steal life from my dad? she’d said to Ruth. From me?

‘You were testing me,’ Nick said, realising. ‘You were checking to see if I was still him.’

‘You weren’t,’ Joan whispered.

‘No,’ Nick said flatly. ‘I’m not him. I don’t remember anything he did.’

Joan’s heart tugged at the aching loss of him again. ‘What are you going to do when this carriage stops?’ It occurred to her, with horror, that he might just be waiting to get back to the others. Was he going to kill them all? Joan had a flash of Ruth, of all of them, lying dead. She wouldn’t have time to warn them.

Nick’s eyes narrowed, as if he’d guessed what she was thinking. ‘Something terrible is coming,’ he said. ‘We both saw it—in that tear in the timeline. That world can’t exist.’

Joan barely dared hope. ‘You’re going to help me stop it?’ Astrid had said he’d have stopped it last time. Could he stop it now that he had some of his abilities back, if not his memories?

‘We’re going to work together,’ Nick said. ‘We’re on the same side until we stop her. But after that …’ Moonlight played across his face, making the shadows around his eyes darken. ‘After that, our paths will diverge.’

Joan swallowed hard. The carriage turned, suspension rattling over uneven ground.

‘You said you loved him,’ Nick said. He wasn’t quite looking at her, and that blank note was in his voice again. ‘In that previous timeline, you told him you loved him before you killed him. Was that true? Was any of it true? Did you ever care about him?’

He didn’t need to say the rest. Did you ever care about me?

Joan’s eyes felt hot with unshed tears. I still do, she wanted to say. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. ‘Would it change anything if I did?’

The shadows flickered over Nick’s face again. ‘I suppose not.’

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