Page 86 of Never a Hero

Joan had already lost Aaron in this timeline—she’d been confronted with the truth of that tonight. Her heart felt half-broken in ways she didn’t want to think about yet. If she lost Nick too, she’d finish the job on her heart. She wouldn’t be able to bear it. One loss too many.

Joan opened her mouth to speak, and then felt tears at the back of her throat. It took her a second to understand why. It was because some part of her had already decided. Had maybe decided in that conversation with Astrid.

He would have stopped it. But you stopped him. Did you think there’d be no consequences?

Astrid had fought alongside Nick because she’d believed he’d save the world. Joan could believe it too. Eleanor might have turned him into the hero for her own purposes, but he’d been a true hero.

The woman who made him … she believes no one can stop her, Jamie had told her once. But she’s wrong. She thinks she made the hero perfectly. She didn’t. She made a mistake with him.

Eleanor’s real mistake had been underestimating Nick. He had a core of goodness, and someone like Eleanor could never have understood that. Nick would have figured out his own origin story; he’d have turned against her and righted the world. He’d already wanted peace between monsters and humans by the end.

And Joan had unmade him.

‘Joan?’ Nick said.

Joan lifted her head to look at him. She was going to lose him, but it wasn’t about her. He deserved to know the truth; it had been wrong to keep it from him. She took a deep breath. ‘It wasn’t just a man killing a man,’ she said. ‘That’s not what we saw through the window.’

Nick held her gaze, steady. ‘What did we see, then?’ His eyes were as intelligent as ever. If Joan gave him time, that piece of information alone would be enough for him to figure it out already, she knew. But she had to say it.

Her hands shook in her lap. She pressed them between her knees, trying to stop the shaking. Her mouth felt dry. ‘There’s something I haven’t told you,’ she said. ‘Something I should have told you.’ She hesitated, and then forced the words out: ‘Monsters steal human life. It’s the cost of time travel.’

Nick’s expression didn’t change. He searched her face. ‘What?’ he said.

Joan’s whole body felt tense. ‘The world we saw—the world with the dead humans … It was a world where monsters rule. That’s the world Eleanor wants to create.’

‘Well, we can’t let that happen,’ he said. It sounded a little flat, and his expression still hadn’t changed. ‘We can’t let her do that.’

Joan stared at him. When she tried to speak again, her voice failed. He was in shock, she realised. He’d react fully in a second. Nick wasn’t the type to raise his voice, but she’d seen him in the state Eleanor had called righteous fury. This was the person who’d led massacres of monsters. A figure of myth and terror among monsters.

‘What’s Eleanor’s plan?’ Nick asked.

‘I … I don’t know,’ Joan said.

Why wasn’t Nick telling her that he hated her? Her muscles were starting to ache with the tension of being halfway to fight or flight.

‘Nick,’ she whispered. ‘Did you hear what I said? Monsters—’

‘Monsters steal life from humans,’ Nick said. ‘It’s the cost of time travel.’ He added, almost as an afterthought, ‘That’s very wrong.’ His tone was still oddly flat, though. He tilted his head. There was a little more expression in his face, but only curiosity in his tone. ‘The man we saw … the monster … He touched the other man’s neck. Is that how monsters steal life? Do the humans always die?’

Joan stared at him again. ‘I … No, they … Monsters usually take a day or two of time from individual people. They don’t tend to kill people outright like what we saw, but …’ And suddenly the tension was too much. She felt her mouth crumple. ‘Why are you being so calm? I told you that monsters steal life from humans! They prey on humans! They’re out there living among humans, and humans don’t even know!’

Nick grimaced slightly. ‘I heard what you said.’ He looked more closely at her, and his face creased with concern. Concern for her? ‘You’re shaking,’ he said. ‘Were you afraid of how I’d react?’

This was wrong. This was wrong. Why was he talking like that? ‘You’re almost acting like …’ She stopped. Like you’re fine with it, she’d been about to say.

Owen had told Nick back at the safe house: You’re fine with monsters. You don’t want to hurt monsters.

The terrible understanding dawned. ‘You’re still under the compulsion of the Argent power,’ she breathed. ‘You’re not yourself.’

‘How did you think I would react?’ Nick said. He looked even more concerned suddenly—by far his most intense emotion since she’d told him the truth. ‘Were you afraid to tell me? You don’t have to worry—nothing bad will happen, even if this power wears off. I’d never hurt you.’

It hadn’t occurred to Joan that the power might just wear off, but now she realised that was likely. This was just a reprieve. When it did wear off, Nick would react properly. Joan squeezed her eyes shut for a second. It didn’t feel like a reprieve. It felt like drawing out something terrible.

‘Joan …’ Nick touched her back, warm and reassuring, and Joan choked with the guilt of it.

‘You shouldn’t,’ she said thickly. He shouldn’t be comforting her. His touch withdrew fast.

He looked stricken. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have presumed.’

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