Page 107 of Only a Monster

In a way, Joan had always known what she’d have to do.

Back at the safe house, Tom went straight to the bedroom. He left the door open at Ruth’s insistence. ‘I’m fine,’ he said tiredly. ‘Well, no, I’m not. But I’m just going to sleep. That’s all.’

It didn’t take long for the others to fall asleep too, Ruth on the sofa, Aaron on the living room rug. They were all so tired.

Joan was tired too, but she found herself staring at the photos on the living room wall: the mother, the father, the little girl, and the baby.

Joan had loved her family so much. She hadn’t understood how much until they’d died.

She closed her eyes. Bertie had been the same age as her, and the gentlest of all the family. He’d hated arguments. When they’d been little, he’d always wanted to play games that they could all play—he’d never liked people to feel left out.

Uncle Gus had been the family fusspot. Be careful out there, my love, he’d say every time any of them left the house. He’d put vegetables in everything—even desserts. You have to look after your health.

Aunt Ada had been the smartest of them, except for maybe Gran. She’d never made anyone feel stupid, though. She’d been kind. She’d been a good teacher.

And Gran . . .

Joan squeezed her eyes shut tighter, remembering again how Gran had struggled for breath that night.

You want to kill me before I kill your family, Nick had said to Joan.

Joan didn’t want to kill him at all. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She’d been in love with him from the moment she first saw him. She’d been in love with him before that—in a whole other timeline.

He’s going to kill more people than you can imagine, Jamie had said.

Joan stood a moment longer in the living room, looking at Ruth and Aaron. She could see Tom through the open bedroom door. Lying there like this, they all seemed as vulnerable as children.

Joan slipped into the hallway. As she reached the front door, a sound behind her made her turn. It was Aaron. He closed the door to the living room softly. Even without sleep, he was angelically beautiful. Almost too good-looking to be real.

‘Let me come with you,’ he whispered.

‘How did you know I was leaving?’ Joan said.

‘I just knew.’

For a weak moment, Joan imagined saying yes, please, come with me. He’d been with her all this time. But this was going to be dangerous, and she’d risked the others enough. He’d helped her so much already.

‘I have to go alone,’ she whispered.

Aaron dipped his head slightly. ‘You know where to find him?’

Joan nodded. ‘Where and when.’

Outside, the sun was setting. Low-angled light filtered in through the wavy glass by the front door. It made Aaron’s hair gleam gold. ‘Joan,’ he said, ‘you need to know that if you undo the massacre—’

‘He has to be stopped,’ Joan said. ‘Whether our families can be saved or not. He can’t be allowed to slaughter people.’

‘I know.’ Aaron took a step closer. And then he was right there in her space, filling her view completely. ‘I know.’

‘Aaron—’

‘Listen to me, please. If you actually manage to do this, if you stop him before he starts—’

‘No, I—’

‘Listen to me,’ Aaron said. ‘If you change the timeline, I won’t know you anymore. It’ll be like we never met.’

‘We’d meet,’ Joan promised. ‘I’d make sure we did.’

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