Page 62 of That Girl is Trouble

I roll my eyes. “No, of course not. It’s just…”

Panic fills my chest. Fuck. They’ve always been okay with giving me space, with my random, super-short pit-stop visits that I throw in every few months to sate their curiosity.

So I say the first thing that pops into my head. The only thing I know will make them stay home. “It’s just I’m already on my way.”

“You’re… comin’ here?”

I shuffle to the end of the aisle, spying Jade, who’s at the counter, speaking with the pharmacist. “Yes,” I lie. “Been missing you guys a little. So I… packed a bag, and I’m on my way.”

Graves laughs his deep laugh, and it makes my chest tight. “That’s great, Kitty. When will you be here?”

“Um. Late… I was hoping we could keep it a surprise.”

“Yeah, all right. Look, Triss has gotta be at the courthouse early. Why don’t you sleep at the clubhouse tonight? We can do dinner tomorrow night. Surprise her then, yeah?”

I pause. No. That’s definitely not what I want. “The clubhouse? Um—”

“I’ll let Axe know. She’ll love this, Kat. I’ll have her there by three tomorrow, and I’ll stop in sometime in the morning. See you, kid.”

“Okay. See you,” I say, and then the line goes dead.

Fuuuccck.

My lies are getting too damn thin. Too damn close to crumbling. Axe, Bane, Tex, Preacher, they’ve all seen me. They all know. Somehow, Axe has kept it from Graves, and by extension, my sister, but I’d be an idiot to think that’s going to last. Especially if I’m hanging out at the clubhouse.

My threat to Axe to keep his mouth shut was a weak one. No one talks. Unless you want me to. Talk about what, exactly?

Sure, given the big-brother status he’s shouldered his way into, Graves might consider killing him over a handful of things that happened between us, but Axe wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to get into bed with me. I chased him. I slipped into his sheets in the dead of the night. I stepped into his shower naked and got on my knees. I wanted him. For what, I’m not sure.

Even back then, I knew I wouldn’t find what I was looking for by getting naked with a man like Axe. But the draw—to him, to the danger, the excitement, the safety I felt when he let me sleep on his chest—I didn’t want to step away from it.

Maybe he was a distraction. Or a way to forget about all the things I couldn’t manage to push out of my head. But like he told me the night Jesse died, there’s no forgetting.

My mother on the floor, skin pale, eyes empty. My hands on her chest, pressing, because that’s what we’re taught to do when we find someone motionless on the floor. Listen for a heartbeat, compress their chest, breathe air into their lungs.

Hours spent binge-watching medical dramas prepared me for that. But nothing prepared me for him.

Jesse, covered in blood, staining my skin red. Just a scratch, Kitty. Every time I closed my eyes, he died in front of me all over again. The light leaving his eyes. His grip loosening in mine as he took his last breath.

Being with Axe made the hurt of it all less… heavy.

It’s why what we did never felt dirty to me. At the time, Axe was exactly what I needed. Now though? It’s all kinds of wrong, and not only because of the sting of his last words to me before I left. It’s because my lies that are tainting it. The secret he’s keeping for me. From his VP.

Sometimes I convince myself that Triss would understand. She left just like I did. At eighteen, Triss washed her hands of my mother and took off so she could have something more. She stepped away from the bullshit she’d been forced to deal with and built her own life.

I tell myself it’s the same, but it’s not.

Triss didn’t neglect me the way my mom did. She didn’t force me to raise myself. She was around as much as she could be, and the day our mom died, she dropped everything to take me in. She never left me behind.

So lying to her, keeping all these secrets? It’s not the same. The guilt my sister feels for leaving me alone is why she doesn’t push me. It’s why she lets me live the way I want to live. These last six months, I’ve used that as an opportunity, because I know she won’t ask questions.

“Got your shit,” Jade says as she shoves a small white bag into my chest. “I got you two, actually. Just in case you decide to fuck around again and—” Jade tilts her head, eyes searching mine. Like she can feel the guilt swirling around in my stomach because I’ve just now realized what a shitty person I am. How awful I’ve been to Triss. I know she hates herself for leaving me alone, and I’ve been taking advantage of that simply because it’s easy.

“You okay?” Jade asks. “Don’t worry about this pill thing. I was only fucking around. You’re probably fine. It’s just… you should be more careful, you know?”

Sighing, I rub my hand over my face and shake my head. “It’s not that. I just gotta figure out how I’m going to get off work this weekend.”

Jade snorts. “Yeah, good luck. Rayna needs two weeks. You know that. Another reason we should be taking our clothes off on the internet. Could totally make our own hours.” Mindlessly, she pulls out her phone and scrolls her thumb over the screen. “What’s so important you can’t work?” she asks, glancing up at me. “Planning a weekend getaway with your new boy toy?”

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