Page 33 of You're so Bad

Then gawk at the website on my phone.

Dr. Leonard Smith is a saver of pediatric lives, a maestro of medicine, a true hero in this modern era. His philosophy is that laughter truly is the best medicine—along with penicillin, of course. He was going to be named bachelor of the year by the local blog, Ashevillains, but sorry, ladies, he’s taken.

Next to his bio, if it could be called that, is a headshot of Leonard wearing scrubs. I’m pretty sure it must be his head glued onto someone’s body, unless he bought scrubs for Halloween one year, but if so, it’s a good fake.

He reallyisphotogenic. The camera caught the glimmer of mischief in his eyes, the long eyelashes that don’t belong on a man like him, or a man at all, and the laughter lines around his eyes.

Ignoring the little dip in my stomach, I text him back.

Were you drunk when you did this?

I might still be drunk. Good, huh?

Not really, but it looks shiny and slick, so I’m guessing Danny’s as good with “computer shit” as Leonard said. Still, no doctor who’s not a phony would have a website bio like that.

It doesn’t say where you work.

Because that’s the kind of lie that could get us caught. I’ll just say I’m not allowed to give details because of HIPAA.

Isn’t that just for protecting patients’ privacy?

Maybe. I don’t know shit about that. Neither do most people. You say HIPAA to a non-medical person, and they’re just gonna nod. That’s what Danny said.

What happens if we meet a medical person?

(Running emoji)

And if someone contacts the blog?

It’s run by someone Delia’s sister knows.

(High five emoji)

Yeah, give it to me, Tiger.

Don’t make me feel more regret. I already have plenty.

I’m pumped for tonight. Are you?

Maybe. Do you realize we don’t have a plan other than the obviously fake website?

Like I said, I do my best when I don’t have one. Plans can go wrong. If you don’t have one, you can pretend everything you’re doing is successful.

Sounds a lot like lying to yourself.

That’s exactly what it is. I highly recommend it. Still…I guess I do have an angle.

Sounds like Leonard-speak for a plan. What’s your angle?

Wouldn’t you like to know.

I figure tonight’s mostly about getting the lay of the land. We’ll have more time to create chaos at Camp Nightmare.

Say, what do you think about bringing a box of crickets to release in the marital cabin?

As long as I don’t have to touch them.

Even though I’m still a hot mess with nothing to wear to a party I’m dreading, I’m smiling as I set the phone down.

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