Page 28 of You're so Bad

I get up and rub my head. “Nah. It would take more than that to break me.” I eye her as I get up and pull the chair with me. “You’re dying to say I told you so.”

“I was going to wait until I’d offered you an Advil, but we can fast-forward if you’d like to get to it sooner.”

God help me, there’s something about this woman…

“Might as well get it over with,” I ask, watching as she circles the desk again and lowers into the chair. She grabs a bottle from one of the drawers then shakes out one pill, takes a good look at me, and shakes out another. I take them from her palm.

“I told you so,” she says as I swallow them down dry.

“Ah, order has been restored to the world.”

She grins, then shakes her head with a mixture of amusement and annoyance as I prop up on the chair again.Yeah, that’s right.

“Why don’t you tell me what your tattoos are about?” she says, her eyes dipping to my arms. “And how you got that scar.”

I lift my eyebrows. “You think someone’s going to ask me about my scar? That’s pretty dark. I reserve the right to tell them it’s none of their damn business.”

“So your tattoos. That’s something a girlfriend would know.”

I point at Gidget. “That was my other girl, Gidget.”

“You had a dog?” she asks in disbelief.

“What, you can’t believe it because that little gremlin of your grandmother’s hates me so much?”

She shrugs, and I can tell what she’s really getting at.

“Oh, you don’t think I could take care of anyone.” Old pain radiates through my chest. “I guess you’re right…she’s dead, and it was my fault.”

“I’m sorry, Leonard,” she says, and looks like she means it too. “But I didn’t say that. I wouldn’t.”

Still, but I’ll bet she was thinking it. And why wouldn’t she?

It’s been true for most of my life—Leonard, unable to take care of himself, let alone anyone else. Leonard, the fuck up. Leonard, the coward.

Leonard, who only knows how to run.

“How about this one?” she asks, her voice soft, as she reaches across the desk and presses her fingers to my flesh. They barely brush the skin, but she might as well have grabbed my dick and squeezed.

I glance down to where she’s touching me and laugh. It’s a mushroom wearing sunglasses. A five-dollar special when I was down on the beach in Florida. “That’s called getting drunk. But if you want a meaningful story, you can tell people I got it in honor of penicillin.”

“And this one?” she asks, pointing to a pot leaf.

I laugh again. “That’s pretty self-explanatory, don’t you think?”

Shauna pulls her fingers away. I swallow.

“And what prompted you to pursue pediatric surgery,Dr. Leonard?” she asks with a small smile.

“I don’t think kids should be forced to suffer,” I say, rubbing the place in my chest that still hurts. It hits me that I haven’t put much thought into this story. Normally, I’d be two steps ahead, but I’m rusty. “So, what happens when they look up Dr. Leonard and pediatric surgery? Won’t they be able to find out in, like, five minutes that I’m no doctor?”

Her face goes pale. It’s obvious my sweet summer child has no experience in deceiving people—at least not at the level a lie this big requires. “Crap. I didn’t think of that. They don’t know your last name, so maybe we have time.”

“I’ll ask Danny to set up a website for me. He’s like Columbo with a computer.” He’s getting ready to launch a video game with Drew. They’re ambitious types, my local buddies. Danny and Drew. Burke and Shane. Back in the day, before I skipped town, the five of us used to do everything together. I was the sore thumb back then, and I still am. Burke, Danny, and Drew have all welcomed me home, but I don’t think Shane’s glad to see me back. He’s been acting like I’m a bad penny that won’t stop popping up.

The thought’s like a cavity in the back of my mind, but I bury it down.

“This is a bad idea,” Shauna says, looking down at her french fries like they might hold all the answers to the world. Just in case they do, I grab another and crunch into it.

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