Page 146 of You're so Bad

I’d tell him he shouldn’t have to change for the right woman—that there’s nothing on this green earth wrong with liking simple pleasures and small crowds. But I know a man’s got to learn some lessons by himself. So, I nod to the party raging around us. “Ain’t no better time. The Danny I know wouldn’t, for the life of him, join in the fun.”

“You may have a point.”

“Of course I do.”

“Do I have to actually have fun?”

“No, brother, but it might sneak up on you.” I pat him on the back, and just like magic, I’ve got him up and heading toward the other guys.

He tells them about Daphne, and Burke and I exchange ahe’s nextlook.

Shane frowns at Danny. “Why would you give her the time of day? She called you basic.”

“Iambasic,” he responds. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t change. People change all the time. Leonard used to be a criminal.”

“Alleged criminal,” Shane says.

“Nah, he’s got a point,” I say, giving Danny a nod. There’s an uptick in the volume around us that suggests the class has finally let out. Good. I’ve been hoping I can convince Shauna to sneak into the bathroom with me. She’s looking mighty fine in her tiger outfit.

I rub my jaw, trying to focus.Danny. Basic. Daphne. “But being a criminal is frowned upon, I’m told. There’s nothing wrong with being basic.”

“Are you guys talking about the cider?” someone asks from behind me. I turn and see Mira, dressed up like a pirate. Delia’s behind her, and Shauna’s behind Delia, too far away for my taste. “I tried to convince them to let me take care of it, but Shauna insisted people like basic shit. She’s wrong, obviously. It tastes like one of those shitty pumpkin spice candles. I’ll bet no one’s drinking it.”

Then she notices Danny standing across from her, holding his cup of cider.

“Hey-oh,” she says. “Sorry about that, future roomie. I’ll bet it’s awesome.”

“The whiskey helps.”

She reaches her hand out for a high five, and he nearly fumbles it, because he’s got his cider in the wrong hand.

Fuck, I think he really does need help.

I reach out and touch his arm. “If you want to convince this Daphne chick to give you another shot, we’ve got your back.”

Mira beams at him. “You want a makeover? I was hoping he wanted a makeover, right guys?” she asks, turning to Shauna and Delia.

“I’m not comfortable with this conversation,” Danny informs us.

“You’ll get used to me,” she insists with a bright smile.

Shauna’s looking at me, so I gave Danny’s arm a final pat and squeeze by Delia to get to her.

“How’d it go, Tiger?” I ask, putting an arm around her, settling it just above the tail sewed to her orange Lycra shorts.

“Half of the guys made their snakes into phalluses, so you’re not the only one who has a preoccupation with your dick.”

“I hopeyouhave a preoccupation with my dick.”

Constance snorts as she pushes her way past us. She’s another one who didn’t dress up. Said it was beneath her. I would have accused her of being lazy, but anyone who’s known her more than five minutes knows that’d be a damn lie.

“Nana’s one of the only women who also made a dick bowl,” Shauna says wryly.

“It was a message for your grandfather, dear. I cut the head in half.”

I don’t see him now, but Grandpa Frank came to the class too. Maybe the scissored dick was enough to drive him off. A man’s only got one dick, after all.

“We’ll be back, Constance,” I tell her. “I need to talk to Shauna about something.”

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