Page 80 of You're so Bad

“Thank you for having my back. You didn’t need to.”

I’m about to tell her that I enjoyed fucking her that way, seeing her bent over the gazebo railing, her perfect ass lifted to me like an offering, but she’s being genuine. Even though it makes me uncomfortable, I say, “It’s easy to have your back, Sugar. And not just because you promised me that clay lesson this week.” I run a hand along her jaw, ending at her pointed, fairy chin. “Now, let me run in there and grab the bags. If I scream, don’t mind me none. I don’t like grasshoppers.”

“What if Jason jumps out at you with a knife?” she asks with a smirk.

“Then step in, for the love of God. I don’t have your fancy taekwondo moves.”

* * *

We spendthe whole car ride talking, and we nearly get into a wreck when a cricket jumps out of my pocket. Going into that cabin, I felt like Indiana Jones, but I got all of our stuff out, and Shauna kissed me like I was her hero.

It was worth it, is what I’m saying, although I’ll think twice before I pull that particular trick again.

When we get to the little purple house, my pulse amps up. Reese hasn’t messaged, but maybe he’s here. Or maybe he was here. But it takes all of a minute to figure out no one’s touched the stuff in the kitchen.

I’m tempted to hit the wall, but I’ve already fucked up my knuckles, and the only thing it’d get me is a sore hand and a talking-to from Mrs. Ruiz. Still, there’s something sour in my throat. There’s an old need to destroy something and make a fire from the ruins.

“He’ll be back,” Shauna says, rubbing my back as I stare at the stuff on the table, taking a tally in case something is missing. It’s all there, though. Every last thing we bought for him. “You just keep letting him know he has somewhere to come back to. That’s what mattered most when I was a kid.”

I glance back at her. “You ever run anywhere except to Constance?”

She gives a shrug. “Sure. I tried to go to the beach one time. I like the beach.”

“Did they ever hurt you?” I ask, the words escaping in a grumble. I know they’re dead, have been for almost twenty years, but I’d be tempted to light fire to their bones if her answer is yes.

“Not like that,” she says, shaking her head. “They were more…absent. I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t just let me leave. My mom had post-partum depression, but it never seemed to go away. My dad worked around the clock, and she stayed home and smoked and watched TV all day. She didn’t like having me in the house most of the time. It wasn’t a problem when I was little, because we lived near Nana and Grandpa Frank, but then my dad got a new job in Raleigh and moved us away.”

“And that’s when you started running.”

“Yeah…I figured they’d let me go if I made enough of a nuisance of myself. I just…I needed to be with someone who loved me.” She watches me for a second, her throat working with something she wants to say, then asks, “How about you?”

Laughter huffs out of me. “Took me a while to realize Ishouldrun. When I was little, I thought my old man was cool as shit, always bringing back gaming systems and new TVs and jewelry for my mom. Always moving us to new places. I got wise before I was smart enough to get away from him. The second time I tried to run, he nearly killed me, so I stopped trying until I knew I could make it.”

In my head, he’s chasing me, my old Little League bat in his hand. He broke it on me, then kept on with his fists. That’s an old favorite that keeps coming back to me at night.

She lifts a hand to her throat but doesn’t touch me. Somehow she knows she shouldn’t touch me right now. “And your mother?”

“She let him do whatever the fuck he wanted. Didn’t matter to her where it was coming from or how we got it. And she figured a boy needed to learn to take a few knocks. All she cared about was herself.”

“So he’s the one who—”

She cuts herself off, her eyes on my white knuckles. I’m squeezing the edge of the table, consumed with the need to destroy something. I don’t want to do it in front of her, though. I don’t want to keep talking either, but I’ve already gone this far. The words keep flowing out. “Yes, Tiger. He’s the one who taught me to take things that weren’t mine. It helped him and his crew to have someone small with him. Someone who could run fast. Someone who could be a part of their cons. My father figured if he could teach me young enough, I’d be able to help him with other stuff by the time I got old enough.” I pause, swallow. “But one day, he and his pal broke into a place that wasn’t empty. I watched them beat a guy until he couldn’t lift his head anymore. So I ran. My old man wouldn’t let me leave, though. The first time he found me, he beat me and told me to mind myself. The next time, he took to me with a baseball bat until I couldn’t move. After that, I got smarter. I stuck around until I knew I could outsmart him.”

“Shit, Leonard.” She reaches for my hand, the one that’s gripping the table, and runs her finger across the back.

I pull back from the comfort and from the look in her eyes, which isn’t pity but feels like it anyway. “You don’t have to feel bad for me. I liked it, in the beginning. It felt like a game. And I’m the one who had the pleasure of turning that fucker in so he could rot in jail.”

“Maybe you’re more like Burke than you think,” she says, looking at me with a pointed stare. “You’re not a bad man.”

I feel a surge of something. Rage. Self-hatred.Need. Need most of all. I didn’t ask for it. But it’s there, and I can’t deny it. I reach out and sweep all that shit off the table with my arm, boxes bouncing off the floor. Something cracks. It’s a bigger mess than all that ABC crap in the cabin from earlier, and I’m the dumbass who’ll have to clean it up, but it feels good.

Shauna looks startled. “Why’d you—”

“I’m no hero. It’s best if you understand that now. I’m no one’s good news, Shauna.”

Her eyes get wider as I open the button of her shorts and shove down both them and that thong I like. She helps me by pulling them off. Then I lift her up off her feet and sit her on the table, spreading her legs and stepping between them.

“I’m going to fuck you now. If you don’t want that, you should leave.”

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