Page 37 of Scary & Bright

Truthfully, I hadn’t thought of it like that. In being there, it was easy to forget the rest of the world continued on with the assumption that none of it existed.

“Look, I’m still getting used to all of this secretive stuff.” I chuckled before leaning against the heavy shelves. “And where I’m from, when you have a question or need to learn something, and you don’t have access to the internet… you go to the library.”

“Ooh! What’s the internet!?” Starlight asked, her eyes wide with wonder. “Sounds exciting!”

“You know what, sister?” I asked, trying to stifle a big laugh. “Once we handle the obstacle in front of us, I’ll tell you all about the internet. I’ll even tell you about smart phones. It’ll blow your mind.”

She shook her head from side to side, as if she were shaking off the distractions.

“Right! Okay, so… where to begin?” she asked herself, her painted pupils peering up at the ceiling. “I suppose I should double check that he never said anything to you about his collar?”

“The iron one around his neck that makes him look like a prisoner in his own castle?” I asked sarcastically.

“That’s the one!” she chirped with pride, as if there were more than one collar for me to be aware of. “And it’s funny you say that because that’s exactly what it’s doing… Making him a prisoner in his own castle.”

The strangest part about Starlight, the one thing that would always be jarring to me, was her uncanny ability to speak with such intensely fabricated joy about topics that were sad, uncomfortable, or even horrifying. As she finished her very weak explanation, she looked up at me with this near-panicked look on her face, then quickly disguised it with a big grin.

My brows furrowed as I bent over slightly toward the little horse, trying to decide if I was more confused or horrified.

“Starlight?” I asked as I watched her pupils dart from side to side. “If Krampus doesn’t kill me before Christmas Eve,” I paused, trying to drive home how serious this information was, “what is going to happen to him?”

The jovial mask covering her real emotions immediately fell. Starlight opened her mouth to speak but ended up closing it once more just a moment later. For the first time since I’d met the loquacious little rocking horse, she appeared unable to find the words to say what she was trying to say. That, in itself, should have been enough to tell me the severity of Krampus’s unwilling participation in the vicious annual tradition.

“I don’t know for sure, Holly,” the horse finally said quietly. “Not many of the toys do. Mister likely does, and maybe a few others, but it’s not something he brings up, and it’s not something anyone wants to ask about.” Her painted eyes shut for a moment. “All I know for sure is that it’s a terrible enough fate to force Krampus into taking a life year after year—a task that is slowly killing him from the inside out.”

“I was afraid you’d say something like that…” I mused, biting the inside of my cheek. “I should have known it was something horrific. Should I assume that he’s already tried the obvious thing and done his best to remove it?”

Starlight nodded with regret. “It was constructed by Santa Claus himself,” she explained. “Master craftsman, you know, with all the magic the Poles have to offer.”

“But Krampus has magic as well,” I said, realizing I was beginning to think out loud. “He made this whole castle and can move and change things at will. He can make something from nothing. Surely, there’s something in the magic he could use to his advantage.”

“Holly,” Starlight continued, clearly trying to find a way to let me down easily, “to compare Krampus’s magic to Santa Claus’s magic is like comparing a calm summer rain to a hurricane. They pull magic from the same places, but their individual magics are far from the same.”

Hopeless. I was beginning to see why Krampus had been so tortured. I was also beginning to see the gravity of Krampus’s promise to me. To not hurt me meant to hurt himself. My chest began to tighten, and I took a number of deep breaths to try to calm myself down.

“Thanks for your help, Star,” I said, hearing my voice crack. Staying still was an impossibility as a plethora of conflicting emotions began to rush through me all at once. All I could do was pace in a circle around the library, trying to sort through my thoughts. I was scared for Krampus, but I was in awe of his sacrifice. I certainly didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want him to suffer any more than he already had. “I’ve gotta… I’ve gotta figure something out…”

Starlight did her best to rock and keep up with me, but after a few minutes, she gave up and stationed herself in the center of the room, allowing me to walk in a wide circle around her.

“If you’re really dedicated to figuring something out,” Starlight spoke as her body rotated in tandem with mine, “you could try talking to Mister. That bear has been on something about this whole oh, the balance must be kept schtick. He might have a better idea of something that can be done.”

I didn’t respond. While her suggestion was a good one—I was absolutely confident in my assumption that he was the toy in the castle—I didn’t feel right about continuing to dig for a solution behind Krampus’s back. More than anything, I wanted to let him know two things: the first being my admiration now that I knew what he was risking by sparing me, and the second being that I was unwilling to accept him sacrificing himself for me.

“You know what?” I asked out loud, mostly to myself but also to Starlight as well, who had continued to ramble on and on about her experience in dealing with Mister.

“And while we all appreciate the work he does around here and how he’s become so perfectly organized…” she said, her voice running in double time. It hadn’t quite clicked to her that I had spoken. “Between you and me, that bear could stand to take a chill pill or seven. Maybe he’d stop being such a busybody—Wait, what? What were you gonna say?”

“I need to sit down, and I need to decide what I’m going to say,” I started, shifting my weight to the other hip and listing off the tasks on my fingers. “And then I’m gonna write it down so I don’t forget what I want to say when I start to feel nervous, and then I’m going to find Krampus and I’m going to tell him everything I want to say.”

“Perfect!” Starlight exclaimed. “We can totally make that happen. C’mon, we’ll go down to the kitchen and I’ll—I mean, you’ll make a cup of tea to get settled down and thinkin’. Then we’ll get you a pen and paper to gather your thoughts.” She began to rock herself decidedly toward the door.

I definitely hadn’t asked for her company, but she seemed insistent on coming, and I wasn’t entirely upset at the idea of her being there while I sorted through the absolute mess of thoughts and feelings. If nothing else, she’d keep me from going insane during the process.

“Let’s go, then,” Starlight urged, looking over her shoulder at me.

I had been so distracted by the sound of my own thoughts that I hadn’t kicked my legs into gear to follow her, so when she looked back at me, I was still positioned with one hip kicked out to the side and my fingers in my opposite palm from when I was listing my plan.

“Right, sorry,” I said, snapping out of my trance to follow the rocking horse out of the library. “I drifted off there for a second.”

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