Page 66 of A Kingdom of Shadows

He tenses. I don't think he realizes I noticed.

Unlike ever before, it takes me a great deal of courage to say the following words, but I must, for my sake, for Lorcan's, and for Darius's. "I'd said how part of me didn't want that carving to belong to Lorcan. That I'd felt guilty even in his death because it was supposed to be our moment, yet I'd hoped it to be someone else."

A long shallow breath releases from his lips, and a cord of tension, unknown and almost grief filled, extends between us. I know he has so much to say, but for whatever reason, I don't think I will get that response today. I didn't intend on getting one. I just wanted him to know.

"Why the three fingers to the heart?" I whisper, the moonlight casting shadows upon his hair.

He stares at me for a long time. The revelation from before clearly still lingers inside his mind. And as he looks away, he says, "It is something my mother and I used to do."

My heart bangs against my sternum. For a moment, I am hit with an intense feeling because an action he would do with his mother is what he now shared with me, and he did it without any hesitation.

I link my hands in front of me and glance down at them. "You must miss her deeply."

He breathes a joyless chuckle. "As much as you do with yours."

"What did she look like?"

He tips his head against the wall, and a wistful smile spreads across his face. "Beautiful... green kind eyes, forgiving—too forgiving."

"You must have gotten your eye color from your father, then."

"No, not at all. My eye color is the one thing my mother said was unique, much like my powers. For whatever reason Solaris and Crello had, I was blessed with all three."

I walk toward him, and a smile pulls at my lips. "I'm assuming that's where all your arrogance stemmed from."

His chuckle is such a rich, seductive sound that it reaches the pits of my stomach. "That, and also, I'm pleasing to the eye."

We both laugh, letting it subside into a comfortable silence.

"Goldie?" he says as soon as I stand before him. Even from this position, he's far taller than me. "Why did you never tell me what the queen had you do?"

I meet his eyes, and I can see how badly that has affected him. Looking away, I sigh. "I did not want to burden you with it."

A stiffening silence. "That's not why."

No... it is not.

He doesn't need to listen to my heart to know it's a lie. He doesn't need to do anything. He just knows me more than I've allowed anyone else to before.

Defeated, I look up at him—my breath stutters at his intense gaze. "I've always kept a lot to myself... my emotions and issues, just like Idris. Telling you meant I was opening up and risking myself."

"You were afraid," he confirms the thoughts I'd tried to bury. When I don't answer, he adds in a soft consolation, "It's okay to be afraid, Goldie. It doesn't make you any less vulnerable."

A sharp breath leaves my lips. How is it all I ever feel is vulnerability? How is it that I can't think straight when I'm around him?

"After my father died," I say. "I promised myself I wouldn't be afraid again or at least show it against any creature." I shake my head as I reflect on a time of great grief. "Because standing there when—"

"When Lorcan killed him," Darius answers for me, his words leaving me frozen in shock.

"You... knew?"

He nods, coming down from the counter as he rubs a hand over the scruff of his jaw, and a bitter smirk tilts at the corner of his lip. "The general made sure to tell me down in the dungeons."

My hand curls in anger, remembering how much the general and the queen had done in torturing Darius. I can't help but have those memories cloud my mind. The whipping marks along Darius's back, the arena fight...

Suddenly, it's so quiet, but none of us make a move. We look at each other, and that's enough. I do not think he will say whether it hurts him knowing what Lorcan became or how he died because his eyes tell me it does either way.

"You should know that I didn't mean to kill him," he says softly, and my brows come together before he clarifies, "Lorcan's father, Rayth. I didn't want to."

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