Page 26 of A Kingdom of Shadows

"I think you know the answer to that already, Goldie."

I shake my head, not knowing what I need. I just know I'm aching. "I have never done anything more than a kiss," I whisper. "Maybe—I want more."

"What you need is to lie down. Who knows what was in that fruit."

"What you need is to lie down." I wiggle my finger in the air, imitating his stern voice, before I loosen a laugh and whirl around to face him. "Why must you be so serious when I decide I finally want to have some fun?"

He ignores me, trying to get me onto the bed.

I pat the straws as I plop down on them. "Now you're acting just like Idris. Whenever I did something wrong, he either ignored or chastised me."

He watches me move across the bed, messing with the waves of my hair until I lay on my stomach. I prop my elbows up and rest my face against the palms of my hand. "But do you want to know a secret?"

There's a smile, and he bends down, caging me in with his arms at my sides. "Enlighten me."

I grin. "I lived to defy him."

If I won't live to serve, I will live to defy.

"Well, it looks like that has rubbed off on everyone else you've met."

A lazy smile sprawls across my face, dimming when he straightens up and starts to leave again. I quickly grab his arm. "Don't go." I gesture toward the extra room beside me, and my cheeks burn at the invitation falling from my lips. "Stay here."

Time seems to pass the longer he doesn't answer. He stares at me, and I stare back. Whatever is going through his mind is a struggle of its own.

Finally, he nods, and my heart picks up as he lowers beside me. His eyebrows pucker together as he tests the bed out. Palms steadying him and his shoulders tensing before he lies, glancing up at the ceiling. His legs dangle over the edge, not adjusting to his full size, and I can tell he's uncomfortable.

I turn to the side as my hand rests beside my head. "I know..." I falter. "I know why you don't sleep on beds." The words come out with a shuddering breath I hadn't intended on. When he looks at me, I add, "I asked Tibith."

He faces me, and the tips of our pinkies touch in front of us. He smiles. "Gathering enough information on me to later blackmail me, Goldie?"

"I was curious."

"You still are."

I am.

My silence drifts in like a soft breeze. He sighs, giving in, and doesn't focus on me anymore. "I was his pet more than a son."

Deep twisted hurt flows from his voice, and a chill runs down my back at his revelation. My mind recalls Ivarron's words and how rageful Darius had gotten when he'd heard the word pet.

"For Rayth, I had to act like the creature I am." He lets out a forced laugh. "Suppose I got used to it."

I listen to him as he tells me of the times Rayth would feed him leftover bones and scraps of food without the nutrition a young boy needed. The person who managed to look after him the most was... Lorcan. At first, they never saw eye to eye. In fact, they were always pinned against each other, but then one night, after Darius was punished and made to sleep outside, Lorcan went to him. He brought him a blanket, and that's when Darius began telling him stories. Made up ones where it always ended victoriously.

It reminds me of when I'd beg my brothers to tell me stories of adventure and freedom.

But the way Darius believes he deserved what Rayth put him through causes a shift in my heart. I touch the side of his face, and his eyes flicker up at me. "You are no one's pet."

I mean it.

Intoxicated or not, I do.

His smile doesn't reach his eyes, but he glides the back of his hand across my collarbone, affectionate and thankful. A buzz circles inside my stomach, zapping at every part of me with his touch.

He shuffles closer, and I try to hide how it's not affecting me when in truth, right now, all I want is to lean into him.

I blame whatever was in that fruit.

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