Page 26 of A City of Flames

He’s so close that I don’t know whether to look at his eyes, the dark green hues in them, or his lips, straight... defined.

“My duty is to also help trainees.”

“I don’t think it’s necessary to help me after some minor scrapes. I get them all the time; it’d be a nightmare for you.”

He flashes another smile, but it disappears just as fast. “You really intrigue me, Nara.”

A confession that makes my cheeks burn.

“I intrigue a lot of people.” I try to control my breathing. “Most are always bad.”

He shakes his head slowly, not wanting to pry his eyes away from my rising chest. “You intrigue me in a different sense.”

“And what sense is that?”

“In the sense that I ask myself... why is it—” His neck bobs as he swallows hard, the tip of his finger now grazing the side of my uncovered thigh “—that I always find myself so drawn to you?”

I inhale a gasp, and for the first time, I have no snarky comeback, no need to slap him away like I would with anyone else.

The skin on his hand is uneven to the touch as he brings it to my hips, and his head dips down to my neck. “Do you have an answer as to what that could be?” His breath is warm against me, heating not only my exterior but also deep within my stomach.

I don’t have an answer. I don’t have anything because this isn’t something I’m used to. I’ve not once felt a kiss nor the touch of a man.

“I don’t think this is allowed, deputy,” I manage to say with ragged breaths, going back to that formality between us though we are far from that right now. The palms of my hand fly out to meet his chest—the tight leather armor.

“It’s not forbidden,” he whispers onto my skin.

“Then—” My eyes shutter closed “—perhaps it should be.”

“And why would you want that?” That hand, that rough hand, takes comfort in drawing circles along my thigh, getting closer and closer to where I’ve never allowed anyone.

Tipping my head back, my body shivers, yet sweat coats me. He drags his lips towards my shoulder but at that moment, just when his hand finally slides between my legs, a chip in my brain causes me to startle myself into reality. I clasp his wrist and lurch backward, hard enough that I slam against the mirror.

All movements stop, but I keep my eyes closed, and a heartbeat later, I no longer feel the warmth of him on my skin. “Nara,” he says. “Have you... ever done anything?”

I yank my eyes wide open and stare straight at the confusion contorting his expression. His brows knit together, and it’s a look that makes me feel instantly judged.

“Does it matter if I have or not?” I push his hand away, letting my defensive side take over as I jump from the sink. Gone are the strange sensations of his touch, and gone is the need that had laid rest in my stomach.

Many times, I have had an opportunity to do stuff, find love, find something with a person, but Idris and my infamous fearful ways to drive everyone away happened. And right now, I am not going to be someone’s enjoyment.

Lorcan shakes his head, frowning to himself. “No, it doesn’t—”

“Then good,” I say with a temper to my tone. “Because I assure you what just occurred in here will not happen again.” Picking my cloak off the floor, I storm past him and into the other side of the room.

“Nara.” He exhales, following behind, but the desperation in his voice has me whirling back around.

“I have a question for you. Do you do this with every new trainee? Take them to your chambers and try to seduce them into having sex?” Defensive, I am acting defensively again.

A muscle in his jaw flutters, and his eyes harden. “I did not mean—”

“I think it’s best I leave,” I cut him off firmly as I step back when he tries to approach me. “Thank you for the concern on my injuries and helping me, but I can take it from here... deputy.”

Scrunching my cloak up to my chest, I don’t regret anything as I walk out and rush down the hallways and stairs before he can come after me.

Once I get to my room, I close the door behind me and lean my back against it. Freya’s still sound asleep, unaware of anything while I’m here, reliving it all. I’m not used to being intimate. I shouldn’t have even let Lorcan take me to his quarters. He’s a high-rank deputy, and I’m a trainee.

I can’t afford a distraction. Not when I’m so close to achieving what I’ve always dreamed of becoming.

---