Page 126 of A City of Flames

His low chuckle feathers across my lips and I don’t know what is happening, but I do know that I don’t want it to end just yet. “There’s so many things I hate about you Goldie that no list will ever suffice.”

I bite back a smile. Our foreheads still press together and my eyes never open as he takes my hand in his. Somehow his are both soft and rough. The touch is gentle, but his skin is of a person who’s built, fought, and survived.

He pries my palm open and hands me the crescent while curling my fingers around it, so it doesn’t drop. “This isn’t for me to keep,” he whispers, and I can’t bring myself to protest because he’s right and with that I no longer feel him here. A breeze whizzes over me and after a minute I blink, seeing him far ahead before disappearing between the trees.

The loss of peace is immediate. I’m alone. I have the truth of what happened and it’s the worst truth I’ve ever had to face.

I cradle the crescent in my hands, staring down at it and it hits me all at once.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Biting my lower lip, I clench my eyes shut.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

I don’t.

* * *

I walk back to the barracks numbly, some of it feels like a dream or a nightmare that I can never wake up from. It’s similar to when my father died. My mother and brothers crying, all except for Idris and me. We looked at each other as I held my arm, the blood, so much blood I couldn’t even see my skin.

Stopping outside Lorcan’s chambers, I stare at the door. I don’t care if it’s late or if he’s asleep, I need to know.

I barge in without so much as a knock. Sconces on the walls lighten half his room and for the first few seconds, I feel… nothing. Lorcan idly walks out of from the bath chambers, his chest drips with water droplets and his copper hair almost looks brown when damp.

He pauses when he sees me and furrows his brows, glancing between the door and me. It’s then my heart splits. I slowly drag my eyes down to the scar on his chest as he says my name, but I concentrate on that scar.

He’d mentioned it was Darius who caused it. A spear that pierced through him. Idris also shot an arrow, hitting the creature in the exact spot where Lorcan has his scar.

“How did you get that scar?” I can’t ask it any quieter than this as I glance up at him and his frown deepens.

“How did you get that scar, Lorcan?” I repeat, my voice firm this time, it’s not even a question anymore, it’s an accusation.

He looks at it for so long that it grows too quiet but every word the general told me sounds loud and clear in my head. When his eyes are on my face again, his expression is torn yet his silence tells me everything.

I erupt.

A yell rasps from my lips as I charge at him with my fist in the air, but he clutches my wrist and twists me, so my back is to his front. “Nara,” he says in a guttural warning. “Don’t.”

“You lied to me,” I say. A slice of anguish tears at me as I yank myself free and whirl to him. “You murdered my father and yet here you stand having known since the beginning what you’d done.”

He lowers his gaze and I think back to our conversation the other day, to every other moment I had spent saying how despicable it was of me to lie to him when he’d done worse. So much worse.

“Why?” My voice betrays me with a cracking whisper. “Why did you take an interest in me when you knew who I was? When you knew what you’d done to my family.”

His stare doesn’t leave the ground, he’s afraid to look at me. “I didn’t want to.”

My hands clutch the crescent so tight; I don’t care if it cuts through skin and bone.

“But when I saw you that day in your village,” he inhales, shutting his eyes. “There was an aura about you that made me feel content. You intrigued me too much to just leave you behind.”

Intrigued.

That word, that damn word turns to poison as soon as he utters it.

And as if he’s built the courage, he draws his gaze to me, a dimness of bleakness and pain mixes. “I just wanted to be near you so I could always feel that way but every time I looked at your arm, I couldn’t stand it because I was reminded how easily you would hate me if you found out what I’d done.”

I shake my head and don’t stop as I speak, “No. There’s a difference there. You hoped I would never find out, you wanted me at your worst moments and plotted to get Darius without telling me as an act of petty revenge. He might have killed your father, but you also killed mine.” My heart twists in every direction, and what I want is to forget. Turn back to the times I knew nothing and had only my brothers. “You’re a coward and a hypocrite, Lorcan.”

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