Page 117 of A City of Flames

Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, I look at Lorcan. His brows narrow as I say, “I guess none.”

I whirl to leave but his hand closes around my upper arm, the span of his fingers gripping my skin tightly as he twists me. “Nara,” he whispers in turmoil. “I know it may not seem it but I’m trying to protect you from—”

“Protect me from what? Your brother?” My brows flick up, persistent on that word. His nostrils flare and I tilt my head, lowering my voice by an octave, “or from you?”

“Why do you defend him so much?”

“Because he is not the enemy.” We—the venators, the queen—are.

Lorcan shakes his head. “What happened Nara?” The disbelief in his tone matches his expression. “What happened to you hating his kind, what happened to you helping us capture that dragon in your village?”

A knot forms in my stomach, it doesn’t loosen a bit as I think back to that dragon. My hands are clammy and something hard compresses my chest, weighing me down.

I’m sorry, forgive me.

Glistening eyes, fire and gold, youthful and peaceful.

Thick liquid pools onto my hands—

“What happened to the times we spent together?” Lorcan’s words crash back into me, his forehead falls on mine and his hand traces my arm until it’s by my waist.

I can’t shake the unease of the memories over what I’d done, my breaths rush out from my throat, ragged and tense. Lorcan pushes me backward and I hit the edge of the table. I almost stumble onto it but Lorcan’s hands are already there holding me as I press my palms on the scaled armor of his chest.

“Lorcan—” I sigh, closing my eyes as I try to move my head away from his, “I can’t do this, I can’t—”

His lips catch mine regardless. And at first, I fight to part from him, but his grip doesn’t yield. His tongue darts inside and I say his name between breaths, pleading to let go.

My thoughts go to Darius, his lasting imprint from when we kissed. This isn’t the same.

One hand lowers from my back to my thigh before he whispers, “What about our carvings?”

Reality quickly lances through me and Darius’s voice, deep, annoying, tantalizing seeps into my mind.

One of their greatest wishes was to unite and dance among the stars.

My eyes shoot open, and I twist my head as Lorcan’s bottom lip grazes the side of my neck.

“For no love greater shared than the moon and the sun,” I say to myself with a knit of my brows as Lorcan continues. I press with my hands and shake my head. “Lorcan stop.”

His arm tugs me closer and I say it again and again until I push with enough force and shout, “stop!”

He staggers back, panting as shock shadows his face. “Nara I—”

“You can’t expect to kiss me and think everything is okay after,” I say, feeling suddenly small. Nothing is right at the moment, the trials, Darius in the dungeons, Freya a half witch. Rubbing at my arm, I huff a breath. “I need to go check on Freya.”

He tries to say something, but I cut him off, “we’ll talk later.” I don’t wait for his response as I rush past him and out the doors in search of Freya, Link and Rydan.

Later indeed came, but I’d focused on Freya. She did not want to speak of it, instead, she went out to train. She expected Rydan, Link and I to leave but we didn’t, I went and grabbed a fletcher while Rydan fetched swords and the four of us trained in silence, supporting her in anything.

“I think I get it now,” Rydan says quietly as I lead him and Link to the door of my room. Freya had fallen asleep early on, but we’d stayed with her until now.

I cross my arms over my chest, and he continues, “why you freed the creatures... stayed with the Golden Thief.”

My shoulders loosen but my arms remain where they are, unsure of what to say to that. I don’t know myself most of the time and I yet have to explain everything to Rydan and Link. But between everything going on it’s hard enough.

“I thought becoming a venator is what I needed to be to protect Emberwell but—” He pauses, glancing down at Link and he nods at him. “It turns out they don’t protect; they ruin this kingdom.”

A tightness engulfs my throat at his words, at both their comforting expressions. They understand, they’re on my side. I throw my arms around both of them and smile.

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