Page 61 of Together We Rot

I was raised on the edge of a knife, the type of life meant to chisel away at you until there’s nothing left.

My heart should be as hideous and haggard as his, but it’s the one thing that’s stayed constant.

My fear has turned him into something he isn’t. Given him claws and teeth and the power to tear me apart. But he is not the monster I’ve made him. He is spiteful, vengeful, and above all, weak.

I gave that power to him.

And I want it back.

“No, Dad,” I return. “You changed me, but not in the way you intended.”

He snarls like a wounded beast. “There will be no mercy when I return.”

He blows out the candles one by one, plunging me into darkness. I can’t see even an inch in front of my face. Without the light, it feels more and more like I’m trapped inside a coffin.

The floor creaks beneath his feet, and I hear the glide of his hands against the railing. Then, finally, the muffled noise of a door swinging open. Locks being bolted. Retreating footsteps.

And then nothing.

Nothing at all.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

WIL

My mind’s a swirling cesspool.

Every time my world falls apart, I laugh. Eyes wet with tears and yet I’m making a joke, and no one’s laughing but me.

This time, grief and love form a new hideous emotion inside me. The pain hit not a second after I realized I loved him. With my ear pressed to Elwood’s chest, his heartbeat scared me. Hearts are fragile things. They stop so easily. One day I’ll lose him, I thought. The world will steal him right out of my arms.

I trudge forward in the snow. Ice clings to my wet lashes. I can’t see the world beyond me; it’s a white fog. There’s no telling what lies ahead.

An open heart is an invitation for grief. My emotions swelled last night, and they roar even louder today. I can’t lose Elwood. I’ve never healed from Mom’s loss. I’m splintered pieces held together by fragile hope. One more death and I will blow away with the wind.

I slap myself. Someone’s got to. The pain is jarring, but I need it. I don’t have time to brood. If I let myself, I’ll fall prey to my dark thoughts and never crawl out. Mom said dark thoughts were ships passing in the night. You can choose to watch them go. You don’t need to sail away with each one.

I’ve never been good at following her advice.

The tree line parts as I walk toward the Morguewood. For once, the forest feels empty. No cloaked figures, no pale skulls with massive antlers attached, no Elwood. The farther I get, the colder the world becomes. I wish my desperation would make me numb to it, but everything feels ten times sharper. The wind used to be a slash against my cheeks. It’s since been forged into a much sharper blade.

I ran out here without a plan.

I laugh. Elwood could be anywhere in these woods. I could search for hours and never find him. What did I think I could do?

Looking at my chapped red fingers, I realize how small I really am.

My laughter breaks into a hiccup. My hiccup devolves into a full-fledged sob. My grief tears through the trees. Each gasping cry sends birds shooting off into the bone-pale sky.

I am alone.

I’m okay alone. I’m more than okay. No one can help me but myself. I recognize how bitter each lie is now. The truth has always been there, waiting for me to acknowledge it. I’m useless on my own.

Cherry was right.

Goddamnit, she was right. I can’t do this by myself.

“Wil!”

---