Page 46 of Shame

Grabbing the waistband of his jeans, I pull him with me to the bed and push him down, straddling him.

A smile spreads on his lips and as I feel his bulge grow against my pussy, I suddenly get really fucking horny. The shock and the spike of adrenaline centers in my lower belly, making me desperately needy for a good long fuck, for a release, for something else to occupy my mind. I need to erase the vision of Salvatore. I need oblivion, even if it’s temporary. I don’t care that he might still be in the house. I fucking hope he’ll hear us.

I rotate my hips as I crush my lips against Lucas’. His hands find their way under my shirt and, stroking along my sides, he then drags it over my head. I don’t have a bra on, it’s the middle of the night. We were just gonna eat a sandwich and then sleep. Lucas groans when he sees my breasts and his hands come up to cup them. He rolls my nipples between his fingers, pinching, creating bolts of syrupy need that shoot down to my pussy. I scramble down along his body and make quick work of his pants, almost ripping them off. Climbing back up, I hold his gaze as I take his thick cock in my mouth, stroking along its base, sucking him in deep, deeper than I voluntarily take any other man. It’s somehow more personal than giving my pussy and ass, and I want to give this man every inch of my body. Lucas can barely control his breathing as I bring him to the brink of release. He grips my hair hard and makes me stop.

“Love, I want you!”

He grabs me around my waist and rolls me over on my back with ease, I’m like a feather in his arms. Hovering over me, his eyes blaze, open, happy, filled with a lust matching my own. Catching my lips with his, he sinks down until his chest rests heavy on mine as he devours my mouth, exploring every crevice God gave me. He kisses and nibbles a path down to my breasts, taking good care of both, making me arch with the growing ache within.

“Take off my fucking pants,” I groan.

“Yes, Miss.”

When I’m naked, he takes a moment to regard my quivering body. I squirm. His gaze is a caress all of its own, his want almost physical. Then he spreads my legs and puts his tongue on my soaked slit, finding my clit, dipping in between my folds. Boy, has he learned! I bite into my pillow to not moan too loudly and wake everybody up.

“I’m gonna come soon,” I gasp. “Please, fuck me now! I want to feel you!” I pull out the drawer next to my bed and toss him a condom.

He sits up between my legs, sheaths his cock and grabs my hips, positioning himself, his tip resting against my opening. “I love you, Carmen.”

Then he takes me like no other man ever takes me, because being with him also fills my heart and my soul. He makes me his, and I let him. Thrusting in me, he pushes his thumb against my clit, and it takes only seconds for me to lose it. I arch as I almost black out from an orgasm so strong I can’t help wailing. I’m probably waking everybody up. But what the fuck, we’re in a whorehouse. No one here is shy about a little sex.

“Oh my God,” he gasps and his whole body goes rigid as his cock twitches in me. His face contorts in a grimace that might as well be pain, but I know how good he feels, because I feel the same.

We’re sweaty and trembling, panting hard, as we snuggle in under the duvet. Mission accomplished – a little window of happiness in our dark and twisted lives. A cold wind sweeps through my heart as Lucas spoons me, holding me tight. I can’t hold on to anything. Everything is just temporary. Being happy for a moment almost hurts more than living in the shadows the whole time. Then I don’t know what I’m missing. Being with Lucas makes me long for something else, something more, and that’s a dangerous path to tread.

Life goes back to normal as the weeks pass by. A new normal with my man in it, but it slowly turns into what it was before I was called to Salvatore that first time. I work. Lucas works. He’s collecting protection money. Sometimes he’s gone for days, but he always keeps in touch, always calls me to say good night, even though the hours are skewed. None of us has a regular working schedule.

I don’t see the monster. I don’t even hear his name. No other girl has been summoned, which is both a relief and scares me. I try hard to shake the feeling he’s not done with me, but it always lingers, nagging at my heart, making my back ache even though it healed a long time ago.

Lucas is surprisingly honest with me about what he does. I know he’s hurting people. I know it hurts him, but he won’t admit it. He’s fixated on becoming someone they can count on. He wants the money, the respect, to feel he’s in control. I can’t make him see that the longer he works for Salvatore, the less in control he’ll be. He’ll be property, used, and some day discarded when he’s outlived his usefulness, or if he makes a wrong move.

None of us speaks about the beast behind the cast iron gates. It’s the ever-present elephant in the room.

As the months pass, not being abused turns out to be good for me, and for the first time since before I left Colombia, I have an appetite again, and gain some pounds. My breasts get attention from everyone, even the girls, and I have to increase my bra size twice. Lucas is a breast man and getting naked with him is a success every single time.

“Carmen.”

The matron’s voice makes me freeze on the first step. I’m on my way up to my room to shower after a customer. Spinning on my heels, I face her.

“Yeah?”

Her face is serious. “I’ve told him, Carmen. I’ll shut this whole operation down, and I don’t care what he does to me, but I won’t accept that he hurts you that badly again.”

Icy fingers grip around my heart and my mind spins. “What are you saying?”

“He has demanded you again.”

My legs give out and I fall down on the steps, hugging my knees as panic rises in my chest like a flood of thick dark mud, threatening to drown me.

“It’s been four months! Why? Why now? Why me?”

She crouches before me and takes my hand. “It will be okay.”

I hug myself harder and rock back and forth as tears well up in my eyes. “I can’t,” I whisper. “I can’t go there again. He’ll kill me.”

Matron has never been seen hugging anyone during the six months I’ve lived here. Never. But now she lays her arms around me and pulls me into her embrace.

“He won’t. I promise you.”

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