Page 48 of Watch Me Burn

“I remember Lisa was in class with your brother,” I began, trying to put pieces together. “Maybe she was the girl Mr. Lautner mentioned? About the whole crying incident over your dad’s trip?”

Anna seemed to mull over this, the wheels turning behind her eyes. She inhaled deeply, steadying her nerves. “Yeah,” she whispered, “I think you’re right.”

Chapter 21

Anna

How did one come to terms with knowing one of your parents lived a double life?

Our RV shook on the road that wound to my mother’s house. And I couldn’t pull myself from the question that throbbed in my head.

In my case, my father had already passed on, so there would be no big confrontation with shouting and tears. There wouldn’t even be an opportunity for me to explore the suspicions that’d been brewed in my mind the past few days.

Unless, of course, I continued to scoop it out dirtily from other sources.

I colored my dreams with rationalizations. I’d say I was reading this the wrong way, and he’d chuckle in his hearty tone about how he set up retreats for his students and the school knew about it. That all teachers did it.

Really, I pined for anything but a certain nagging fear to become the truth. Ethan and I agreed that the incident with Lisa Mr. Lautner had mentioned played a role, but there was no consensus on how that influenced their trip. All we knew was that my dad and an underaged fellow student stayed in close quarters for days. They also patronized a restaurant that served alcohol, so realistically, more than a few teacher-student policies were violated there. If a new truth were to ever surface on my father’s death, I wasn’t sure how this information wouldn’t cloud his image. Even if he was lax about this because he was one of those “hip” teachers, it was his obligation to seek an accommodation that at the very least would give the student her own privacy and means to sleep by herself.

Thinking of them both sharing a bed made me gag. Literally. My dad would need to be curled up on the windowsill for the whole week for me to trust that the student was comfortable throughout, and even that was crossing a ton of lines.

“Looks like we’re at your mother’s house,” Ethan sighed. He placed his palm on my shaking hand, which I hadn’t even realized was going crazy until he steadied me with his strong grip. “Are you ready?” he asked while gazing into my eyes softly. No other tall, muscular guy that was tatted up could melt me in the way Ethan did whenever he showed concern.

“I’m ready,” I said as I slid the RV door open. The driveway felt cold as I hopped out onto it, and I wanted to retreat back inside because of how biting the wind was. Why did I feel so bare? The worst part had to have been over with, right?

I needed it to be.

Ethan laced his fingers in mine as we walked to my mother’s front door.

“You sure you want me here?” Ethan wondered.

I nodded. “Unless you don’t want to.”

He smiled fondly. “I’d go to hell and back for you.”

I smiled back. “This is pretty close.”

We didn’t even need to knock as an angry face flung the door open within seconds of us climbing the porch steps.

“Get inside,” she squawked. I glanced warily at Ethan before we trailed her past the coat rack area.

Once we settled into the living room, she turned to face me, eyes blazing. “Anna, I always thought maybe I was being overly critical of you. I believed you were just a well-meaning girl who got lost along the way. But seeing you now? It angers and saddens me to see such a skilled lawyer so clueless about the real world and what we endure every day.”

I clenched Ethan’s hand, my nails digging into his palm. “I know about the shitty world, Mom.” My laughter was laced with bitterness. “I’ve been wading through its crap every single day.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’ve never thought I was good enough, always ready to highlight my mistakes and faults, even before Dad’s murder.”

She looked taken aback. “Anna, I’ve always had your best interests at heart and supported you.”

“Had my interests at heart? Supported me? Like now? Since this fucked-up investigation began, you’ve done nothing but threaten and belittle me. But the mess we uncovered in Florida? It just shows how blind you’ve been, not just now but your entire life.”

My mom bolted forward, jabbing her finger in my face like I was a disobedient dog.

“His teacher trips to Florida? Why in the name of Jesus would you involve the school in your mess? You had no right to tear your father’s past apart and trample all over his grave! You’re selfish!”

I faltered at her insane outburst. Since I was born, I had been raised to show nothing but selflessness toward my family members. I even bottled in my grief over my father’s death when I realized how much worse it was affecting my mom, and how desperately she needed a shoulder to lean on who wouldn’t remind her of her dead husband every two seconds. I was the one who sought out law school because I knew it’d quickly bolster me with the resources necessary to keep this house’s mortgage afloat . . . and help those who might otherwise become victims of the system like my mom. And I was the one who supported my mom’s mortgage and paid her old medical bills. I stood by my mother’s side so that the road following our father’s death wouldn’t be an impossible one to trek.

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