I start to fidget, my nerves over teaching only my second class immediately increasing.
Nodding, I mumble, "I'm teaching this class." I force a small smile, but that doesn’t seem to help, because Kane’s face tightens with visible frustration in response. I'd even say there's a little embarrassment if I thought the man was capable of it.
"Are you… taking the class?" I ask hesitantly. Not that yogis have a type, but Kane is the last person I expected to show up in my beginner yoga class.
“Why the fuck else would I be here?” he snaps back at me.
Before I can answer, I hear giggles on the other side of the room. Giggles clearly aimed at Kane.
His hands squeeze into fists, and yes, that's definitely embarrassment on his face.
Before I can think better of it, my head whips around to send the laughing girls a hard look. I don't say anything, and I'm not exactly glaring, but even still, it’s probably not appropriate behavior as a teacher. And yet, I can't help my sudden need to protectKane.
When I turn back to him, his expression has shifted. His brow is furrowed and he’s looking at me like he’s trying—and failing—to figure me out.
I take a deep breath to center myself before turning to the rest of the students around the room. "Alright, let's start to settle and get ready for class. Everyone set your mat down—or grab one from the back if you don't have one—and be ready to start in two minutes."
I try to keep my focus on the class as a whole, but my gaze keeps drifting back to Kane. I watch as he begrudgingly walks to the back of the room and grabs one of the extra mats. Clearly, he's not here because he wants to be, but whatever the reason for his attendance, it's important enough that he's forcing himself through the motions. I can admire that, and make a mental promise to myself to make sure he has a good class.
"Inhale deeply during these poses. Remember, we're grounding our body and using our breaths to do it. Focus on good breathing." My words are officially for the class, but they're directed toward Kane. Kane, who hasn't changed his breathing since we started, and who is clearly half-assing the movement of raising his hands on the inhale and lowering them on his exhale. He just looks like a grumpy bear waving his hands around for help.
"Take a big deep breath as you raise your hands up," I say quietly, trying to use my soothing yoga-voice to calm him. "Expand your chest on the inhale, empty completely on the exhale. Breathe."
He must sense that my instructions are aimed toward him because I hear him grumble, "I know how to fucking breathe.” And if I can hear it from all the way at the front of the room, then I can guarantee that everyone else in class heard it, too.
There are more collective giggles around the room, which only makes Kane's discomfort grow. I'm trying to figure out how to calm the class down, but before I can say anything, Kane seems to focus on his breathing. A moment later, I see his chest expand with a deep inhale.
I move class along to sun salutations, combining our breathing exercises with stretching. Kane still looks annoyed, but at least he's continuing to take deep breaths as he moves through the stretches. I'm able to focus on the other students, and manage to bring the aura of the class back to peaceful and welcoming.
Before long, I start in on our standing poses. This is usually where students start to fumble a bit and lose their serenity, so I work hard to keep them focused and positive. After working them through the three Warrior poses, I move into tree pose, and then begin my lap around the room to each of the students.
I chance a quick peek at Kane at the back of class. I know enough about martial arts to know that balance and flexibility are both important in the sport, and yet what I've seen of Kane's training so far doesn't make me think he cares as much about them as he should.
Sure enough, Kane's scowl has deepened as I've quietly assisted some of the other students. He's holding the one-legged pose, but barely—he’s wobbling in place, looking seconds away from putting his foot down so he doesn't fall on his face. Taking a deep breath, I make my way over to him.
When he sees me coming, that frown becomes impossibly deeper. His leg drops at the same time that his hands do, until he's standing before me in a normal stance, his hands clenching into fists.
"Go again," I tell him softly.
For a moment, I think he's going to refuse and storm out, but then his jaw clenches and he lifts his foot again and places it on the inside of his thigh. He's steady enough to bring his hands together in front of him, but then he begins wobbling again.
I debate walking behind him to steady him the way I normally do with students, but something tells me Kane wouldn't appreciate having someone where he can't see them. So instead of gently clasping his hips from the back, I merely take a step into Kane's space and place my hands on him from the front.
His eyes widen a fraction of an inch. I only catch it because I'm so close to him. But when he doesn't drop the stance, doesn't move away from me, I'm emboldened enough to continue with my instruction.
"Try to keep your weight over your hips," I tell him quietly. "Your hips are the center of your body, so they naturally want to course-correct any balance issues. Just keep the weight of your upper body over your hips, and your standing foot centered."
Gently, so gently, I adjust his hips where they need to be. And as soon as he's centered, his wobbling stops.
"That's it," I whisper, a pleased smile coming unwittingly to my face. But when I glance up to look into Kane's, the smile disappears with a startled inhale.
Despite his height, his face is inches from mine. And he's staring at me with an expression that's clearly frustrated, a little bit curious, and a whole lot intense.
It gives me a chance to study him for a moment. His face is… a sad face. His lips are turned down in a permanent scowl, and I think I see an old scar on his forehead near his hairline. But that's not what sends ice through my veins.
He has no smile lines. None.
Not only is the skin around his eyes smooth, the wrinkles that should be starting to show around his mouth are turned down, in the opposite direction of where they should be going.