Page 62 of Hawke

It took me a moment to realize he thought I was saddened by Austin’s death. It was actually quite the opposite, but I kept that part to myself. He’d never be able to hurt any other woman again, especially not me. Only one person had the power to hurt me, which was Hawke, and I suspected he always would. He had the means and motive to do so, but I had made sure I cut off the opportunity once and for all.

When he’d returned the last time, I had Chase and Ayden let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn’t want to see him now, or ever. I doubted if it would be enough to convince him to stay away, so I’d given Ayden a single word to give to him if he returned. It was the one Hawke had once gave to me.

Eleanor!

I still had no idea who she was to him, or the significance behind it, but since it was given to him, Hawke hadn’t returned to the hospital. I’d used the safe word on him for the second time. When I had first used it, he’d let me go, and it appeared that he had once again.

“Are you okay?” Ayden asked me as I rolled over onto my back.

“I am now,” I responded, and while only partially true, I knew I would get where I needed to be eventually. “With this nightmare over, I can finally move on.”

Ayden nodded before rising to his feet. He leaned over to kiss me on the forehead just as the door swung open. He stepped back, and Emery eyed the two of us suspiciously. “It’s over now. Just focus on getting better so you can be released. Okay?”

“I will,” I replied, and as he walked away, I called out to him, “Ayden, thank you for everything.”

I watched him leave, then smiled at my best friend as she took her spot in Ayden’s chair. “I’m so glad to see you, Em. This place is making me crazy.”

“I hate hospitals,” Emery said in agreement. “They are so drab and depressing. Sterile, even.” She shuddered in mock horror then grew serious. “Did Ayden tell you about Austin?”

“Yes, he did. I can’t say I’m torn up about it, either.”

And I wouldn’t because I wasn’t.

“I heard about it on the news, so I had to come down here to tell you, but I should’ve known Ayden would break it to you first.” Emery seemed disappointed about that, but then grew quiet for a few seconds before a wide smile broke out on her face. “Ooh, but what I bet he didn’t tell you was that he’s been to Syn in a personal capacity.”

“Ayden?”

“Yes, girl. He can wield a whip pretty handily, too.” Emery then started to describe what she’d seen the last time he was with a sub, and at the mention of great hand-eye coordination, I giggled.

We spent the better part of high school following behind some of the older guys. Talking about sex with Emery was so familiar. It was commonplace between us. It was in that moment I realized things were getting back to some semblance of normalcy. My body would be healed soon, which gave me hope for my mental state, too.

It was simply the emotional wounds I feared would take a lot longer. I pushed Hawke from my mind and began listening to my best friend ramble on again. I had always been a fighter… a survivor… and now I had my entire life ahead of me. I merely needed to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, which I would.

EPILOGUE – HAWKE

FOUR WEEKS LATER

Ireally needed to get out of this hotel and into my own place soon. After what had gone down with Charlotte, I hadn’t been entirely sure that I would even stay in Denver. To this day, I still blamed myself for her being attacked, and maybe that was the reason why I forced myself to stay in Colorado. I basically forced her out of my room, and life, that night, sending her straight into the crosshairs of a maniac with a God complex. She could’ve been killed. Every time I thought about her, the guilt from that night would nearly crush me beneath its weight.

Leaving town to try to return to some semblance of the Hawke I once had been would change nothing. Because of my callous actions, I had hurt the only woman I had ever loved, and maybe even worse than that mad man had. For that reason, I didn’t deserve to get a clean break or a fresh start somewhere else. Staying in Denver was my punishment, and one I’d gladly endure over and over as long as she was okay.

When out in town, I had seen Chase a few times, but the man was very tight-lipped about his sister. Ayden Santiago had been the one to tell me when Charlotte had been released. He had even told me that she had returned to work a couple of weeks later. At the time, I wasn’t sure why he felt the need to share that with me, but I was honestly happy to get anything I could from him about her.

I had wanted to do something with that information, even if it was just stopping by Platinum Dreams to catch even a glimpse of her, but so far I had restrained. Upsetting her was the last thing I wanted to do anymore.

Charlotte’s attacker had been caught, and I had to admit to being floored when I found out the identity of the culprit. A frisson of fear, this time for someone other than myself, had filled me, especially realizing how close I had come to losing her. It blew my mind that it’d been Detective Austin Whiteside all along. I hadn’t just happened upon the officer trying to save her. He was trying to finish the job, instead.

Thankfully, Charlotte had pulled through after the cardiac incident I had witnessed in her room, and she had been able to point a finger at the dirty cop. He was promptly arrested, and during the search of his apartment, they’d found enough evidence to connect him to the other six murders that had gripped the city for months.

Austin would never be brought to justice for his crimes, however, because less than twenty-four hours after being charged with a litany of felonies, including multiple counts of first-degree murder and then for Charlotte’s attempted murder, the coward had hung himself in his cell.

Before that happened, the possibility of the death penalty was even being floated out by those such as the mayor. While none of that came to fruition, at least in the way intended, Charlotte, and all other women, no longer needed to worry about him. This scare had made everyone more vigilant, and I had even upped the security at Syn. It would do little to fix the harm that had been done already, but it might help someone else have a future.

I sighed at that word having lived the majority of my life with the acceptance that there’d never be one of those for me. I’d met Charlotte, and that changed. I tried to resist her… to push her away… but in the end, she’d been the one to do so to me. I had meant it when I said I would respect her wishes, but a month later, it still hurt like hell. The task also proved harder than I ever thought it would be. She wasn’t at the club, or darkening the doorway of my hotel room. She also wasn’t smiling at me from across the room, or doing things to land herself beside me. Charlotte was gone, which was what I had wanted, or perhaps it had simply been what I had tried to want, but valiantly failed to do.

Be careful what you wish for.

That inner voice of mine had me scowling, and needing to forget about her, I started toward the window when I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I hadn’t ordered room service, and I rarely had visitors, so I had almost ignored it until the knocking grew louder. Walking over to it, I finally flung it open, and my breath hitched in my throat.

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