Page 55 of Hawke

“You’re right. I’m a damned fool, as you so eloquently put it. Admitting that doesn’t make my feelings for you any less real, though.” Her head was now lifted, her chin sticking out in an act of defiance. “You can keep pretending you don’t feel anything for me, but eventually, you’ll reach a point where even you can’t fight it any longer. There’s something between us, and I know you feel it, too.”

Maybe, but I have to keep fighting it and you, little sub.

“There’s something all right. It’s called sex, and we both know how I feel about it when with you.”

I knew her fears about not pleasing me would come to the forefront. I was right when her head jerked back as though I had physically struck her. I kept reminding myself that I had to be brutal in order to finally convince her once and for all that we had no future.“Future”didn’t exist in my world because I was still stuck in the hell of my past.

“I don’t believe you,” she finally said, challenging me.

Charlotte flinched when I growled, but otherwise, continued to stand there. “I honestly don’t care what you believe. There can never be anything between us but sex, and I feel even that is lacking.”

But only because of me, little sub.

The pain I was inflicting upon her pride was evident, but it was out of my control to help her. I could never tell Charlotte I’d give almost anything to be able to return the words she needed to hear, or at the very least, a promise that I might be able to one day.

“I know you think that now, but we can work on—”

“All the time in the world wouldn’t help me fall in love with you,” I interrupted.

And it’s because I already have.

It was then I realized how true it was. Like all the other secrets I kept inside, this would be the hardest one yet.

“How do you know that?” she asked quietly.

“I’ll never fall in love with you, Charlotte.”

I don’t need to fall. I’m already in love with you.

She let my words sink in, and where I expected her to start crying, Charlotte surprised me when she just shook her head instead. “Of course not. You have a brooding asshole reputation to maintain. Don’t let me get in the way of it.”

Charlotte dropped the sheet, hurrying over to where her clothing was. It was agonizing to watch her dress. I wanted to not only commit every inch of her to memory, but to also to spend these last few seconds with her.

It didn’t take her long to put on her clothing, and after she slipped her dainty feet back into her heels, she turned to level me with a glare. I tried to ignore the tears welling up in her eyes. I really was the world’s biggest asshole, and she’d be a hundred times better off without me.

I cleared my throat. “You’ll realize one day that whatever you think you feel for me now isn’t real.”

Meanwhile, I’ll spend the rest of my life knowing exactly how real it is.

She let out a sarcastic laugh. “Or maybe you’ll realize I was right.”

“I won’t, Miss Maxwell,” I responded, knowing how much she hated the formality. Doing as I did the night of the masquerade party, I stared emotionlessly at her for a final time. “Goodbye.”

Please don’t go!

But she did. Charlotte grabbed her purse and walked out. Out of my room… out of my life… and out of the darkness that would destroy everything within her. She slammed the door behind her, leaving me unwilling and unable to do anything more but stare numbly at it.

Goodbye, little sub!

I mentally flipped off my inner voice before returning my attention back to the city below.

36 – CHARLOTTE

There’d been something different about this fight of ours. The realization that this was final was enough to bring me to my knees, and it did when I bypassed the elevator, opting to take the stairwell instead. I had barely gotten through the door before dropping to them. My pain was indescribable, and despite my best attempts to pull myself together, it consumed me so completely I could do nothing more than wrap my arms around my knees as I rocked back and forth. My tears flowed more freely down the sides of my face, but I didn’t even attempt to wipe them away.

What’s the use? It’s not like it’s going to make them stop.

In this moment, I wondered if anything ever would. I continued to cry, hoping the tears would cleanse my heartache. I didn’t even know how long I’d been in the stairwell, but eventually, I scrambled back onto my feet.

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