Page 60 of Hawke

“H-Hawke,” came a soft voice from behind me.

I thought for a moment that I had imagined the entire thing, but when I turned, her beautiful eyes were open. Moving back over to her, I didn’t resist touching her this time. Picking her hand up with mine, I held it.

“How are you feeling?”

I knew it was a stupid question the second I’d asked it. I looked down into her wide eyes, a myriad of emotions flashing inside them. Charlotte was disoriented, and I watched her wince as she tried to speak.

“Shh,” I told her softly. “You don’t have to talk right now. Just calm down and I’ll get the doctor in here.”

She was in considerable pain, and judging by the deep bruises and swelling, I wasn’t surprised. Charlotte was growing more agitated, however, and would only end up hurting herself worse if she didn’t stop moving. I went to reach for the call button when she reached up and grabbed my arm.

“H-how,” she managed to croak, then winced some more.

Not entirely sure what she was asking, I made the assumption that she’d want to know how she ended up there. Or maybe, she just wanted to know why the hell I was there. Clearing my throat, I decided to start with what I knew, hoping I would answer any questions she’d have so she could relax and not hurt herself more.

“I needed to find you after the way things ended,” I began before pausing. I wouldn’t get into why, so I continued. “When I saw you leave on foot, I had to make sure you got home safely. I quickly got dressed, then followed behind you. When I reached your building…”

Again, I paused, this time to swallow down the frog-sized lump in my throat. I thought back to that moment, feeling the terror I’d felt then rise back up inside me. Charlotte had seemed to calm down a little, so I forced myself to continue.

“I heard something, then I saw you in the alley with a man. I thought for a second he’d been responsible. You were lying on the ground with a plastic cable tie around your neck. You weren’t moving, and I feared you were dead.”

It’d been the singularly worst moment in all of my life, even going way back to my childhood. The pain I’d endured then had nothing on the kind I’d felt a short while ago.

Charlotte was listening, and I could tell she was trying to remember what had happened to her. Since she was following along, I decided to continue. The machines and everything else were forgotten as I forced my mind back to the alley.

“The police were already there. The officer had seen someone take off on foot, but he had wanted to check on your condition. I didn’t see…” Again, I paused because something was wrong. The machines monitoring her vitals began to beep and make other noises. I watched almost in horror as different numbers started to rise.

“W-Who?” she asked, her voice cutting through the fear I felt.

“Detective Whiteside was there. He—”

Her entire body went limp at that point, and the machines began going off like crazy. The doors burst open and I was pushed out of the way. Everything happened so quickly. A team of medical personnel rushed to her side, one of the nurses yelling for a crash cart.

I stood there paralyzed, unable to say or do anything but watch the scene unfolding. Defibrillator paddles were placed on her chest, and I flinched as they pressed them to her chest. Something was yelled, and her entire body jerked.

“You can’t be in here,” a nurse told me when she noticed me in the corner.

“Is she going to be okay?” I asked, but the woman didn’t answer me.

Instead, she started to fuss and push at my chest until I stepped outside the room. Other medical staff came rushing down the hallway while mentioning the words“code blue.”

Please don’t die on me, little sub.

I was worried, and when the same nurse reappeared, I already knew she wanted me gone. It was hard to walk away, but the last thing I wanted was to be locked up when she did awaken. I knew she would. There was no way fate had thrown us together in so many ways, only to steal her from me now.

I left the area and found myself wandering aimlessly around the hospital. I didn’t know how long I had been walking, but eventually I found myself in front of the chapel. I’d never been in one before, or had any desire to be. I’d realized at a young age that prayer was useless. It’d done me little good. I’d alternate between praying for the abuse to stop, or the pain. It’d just gotten worse from that point, and I’d eventually learned to live with it. There was another profound ache in my chest, only this time for what I might lose now.

The room was empty, and that was for the best. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was actually doing in there, so I needed the privacy. I walked down to the altar area, and after lighting a candle, I sat down on the first pew. “I don’t know what to say. Please just let Charlotte pull through this.”

My skin was starting to crawl in a place like this. The gesture was the right one, but I couldn’t sit there and pray to a God I knew didn’t exist. If he had, he wouldn’t have let me suffer the way I had. He also wouldn’t have made Charlotte fight so hard for her life, especially when hers was one worth living compared to mine.

I quickly exited the chapel and was left with two options. I could go back and wait with her family for some word on her condition, or I could go home. The latter wasn’t happening, so I chose the first one. It wasn’t long before I reached the area where her entire family was still congregated. I tried blending in with them all, but I stuck out like a sore thumb when seated next to any of them.

Chase looked at me, and his disdain was evident. I had never met the eldest Maxwell kid, so I didn’t know why he was shooting daggers in my direction. Charlotte had to have said something about me before and there was no telling what. I’d hurt her more times than I could count, and it could’ve been after any number of those times.

Ayden Santiago entered the waiting room, then looked between the two of us. He mouthed something to Chase before sitting down beside me.

“I don’t really think this is the best time to be here, Hawke—” he began before getting cut off.

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