Page 36 of Hawke

She was persistent. I would give her that. She was also dangerous to me. If I’d been thinking with my brain, I would apologize, then walk out of her life like I knew I should, but as I watched another tear fall from her eye and down her chin, it was too much to resist.

Framing her face with my palms, I tilted her face upward and gazed into her tear-stricken eyes. They were so fucking beautiful, yet haunting. I closed mine as I pressed my forehead to hers. A slight hiccup came from her as she swallowed back a sob.

I didn’t want to destroy her, but I knew if I kept touching her, it was exactly what I would do. She was so precious, deserving of so much better than I could ever give her. She needed someone that’d be there for her before, during, and after the scene. I wasn’t even sure at this point if I could even handle the “during” portion with her as I had with others.

She was different. Charlotte had mentioned feeling alive when with me, and I had to admit, for once, it sounded like the two of us were actually alike. But I knew deep down, we were not. She thought she could handle my demons in a controlled environment like my dungeon, but I knew she couldn’t keep my darkness out of it. While I had always been able to separate the two, using the lifestyle as a tool to keep my past away, but she blew my restraint, and everything else to hell, without even trying.

“The things you do to me, Charlotte,” I finally said, cutting through the silent tension between us. “I don’t want to break you.”

Her small hands covered mine. “I’m not a piece of glass,” she reminded me.

“Your offer, while foolishly misplaced, is valiant, but I just—”

Charlotte moved her head, angling it to where her mouth was just inches from mine before she murmured, “Then give me a safe word. I doubt I’ll have to use it, but I promise I will if things get to be too much.” That was a given, as far as one of those were concerned, but she still didn’t understand the type of evil that flowed through my veins. “It’s not like you’re the boogeyman, and even if you are, I’m not scared,” she added before her tongue darted out to touch my lips.

“When with me in here, the monsters under your bed should be the least of your worries. You should be far more worried about the one that’d be cuffing your wrists to the headboard.” I was trying to warn her, and hoped it didn’t fall on deaf ears.

But it was because Charlotte’s tongue was still on my lips. It’d be so easy to kiss her, but I knew I’d be a goner once I did. Grasping onto the last bit of control I still possessed, I tried to push her away.

“Then it’s a good thing I don’t believe in monsters,” she replied.

I almost countered with something, but realized she hadn’t lived the life I had lived. To her, monsters were mythical creatures, but to me, they were real. They’d been in my life, and although thousands of miles separated me from them, they existed and were ever present in my head.

Charlotte would never be able to handle the truth about me. If she knew what I had done… I couldn’t go there, especially when she was naked in my arms. I glanced at her face, her beautiful eyes snagging mine right away. If I was to do this, I couldn’t look at her like that again.

I walked back over to one of the cabinets, but before I pulled open the drawer, I spoke a single word. “Eleanor.”

“W-what,” she’d stammered in question.

“Your safe word is Eleanor.” I opened the drawer, pulling out a new piece of silk, this one blue to match the eyes I couldn’t lose myself in again.

“Who is she?” Charlotte asked.

I growled low in my throat. “It’s just a word. Repeat it to me.”

I then walked back over to her, dangling the blindfold in her face. My mind was still at war with my heart. Nothing I had done thus far had convinced Charlotte she was better off without me, and unless I showed her the monster I truly was, nothing else ever would.

“E-Eleanor,” she responded softly as she turned her questioning gaze to me.

There’d been a lot of firsts between me and Charlotte. I’d given her so many things I’d never given another, and likely never would, but there were limits. I had self-imposed them so long ago, and for good reason. I was there with her so I could find my own center, not to flay myself open as I fell under her spell.

“Have your limits changed?” I asked her, still remembering her application in vivid detail. She shook her head.

The anonymous process I had developed several years earlier had finally backfired on me. If I’d known her name, I would’ve never hired her, and I wouldn’t be standing here trying to silence the doubts creeping into my head.

I supposed they were better than the voices. Shaking my head to dispel any from re-entering my mind, I focused on the female in front of me. With the safe word and limits out of the way, I covered her eyes with the blue silk, pulling it taut then tying it into a knot behind her head.

She hadn’t said anything although I could smell the beginning stirrings of her arousal. I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. Cupping her cheek instead, my fingers brushed over her soft skin still damp from her earlier tears. The gentle touch would be the last one she’d receive from me tonight. My hand lingered, and I’d even closed my eyes. We’d been like this before, and as her face came into view, I tried channeling my energy from it.

I’d no sooner seen her face when it morphed into that of another. Eleanor. Suddenly, I drew my hand away and reopened my eyes. It was time to begin. I reached out to Charlotte, this time pushing her roughly to her knees. She glanced up at me from her position on the floor. Her eyes might’ve been concealed, but those luscious lips of hers were not.

“Open your mouth, little sub,” I commanded and watched those bee-stung lips part for me.

I had imagined her many times on her knees just like this. Each time, I would fuck that sweet mouth of hers. Once I got my leathers unzipped, it would no longer be just a dream. My hands moved to the waistband, and within seconds, I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants before pulling them down.

Most of her hair was tucked beneath the silk tie, but I managed to free enough long, blond strands to wrap around my wrist. I tugged her head back, those lips opening even more. Back… forward… back… and finally forward again. Her lips were wide-open and unable to resist the temptation any longer, I slid my cock into her mouth. I pushed her head down, feeding her inch after inch until she’d taken most of me inside.

“Fuck, little sub. Take it all,” I told her.

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