Page 30 of Hawke

Ryder didn’t seem to buy my explanation, but he quickly shrugged. I had known the blond for years, so I knew the sudden change in temperament wasn’t because he didn’t care, but because he knew me, and how moody I tended to become at times.

I side-stepped past him, and I’d managed to get a few steps away when Ryder finally said something else. “She’s been here a few times.”

Even before I asked, I knew the answer, but I still threw the question out there, anyway. “Who?”

I turned around, then glared as I saw my friend smirking. “Charlotte. And she’s even asked about you once or twice.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear because I’d been so sure she had finally come to her senses and moved on with her life. After the way I had treated her not once, but twice, one would’ve thought she would take a hint. It was one thing for me to obsess over her, but that was when I thought it was one-sided. This revelation proved that it was anything but that.

Clearing my throat, I had to know, even though I would regret even asking. “What has she said?”

Ryder’s grin grew wider as he pushed off the wall. “Not a whole lot. She’s asked me how you were doing a few times. Haven’t you—”

“What did you tell her?” The last fucking thing I needed was for Ryder, or anyone else, to give her any sense of false hope. If she thought I was pining away for her, she might never move on with her damned life.

“Only that you’ve been busy with the club.” Ryder stepped closer, and when the two of us were standing face-to-face, the blond chuckled. “Don’t worry. I didn’t tell her that you’ve been moping around this place like someone stole your favorite whip. Nor did I tell her that you’ve been too busy trying to convince yourself you don’t want her when in reality, you’re probably stroking yourself off at the thought of her still cuffed to the wall with her panties in her mouth.”

It was then when I realized someone had seen us the night of the masquerade party. It changed nothing, and I still scowled slightly, but otherwise forced myself to appear unaffected. “We’ve fucked once, but that’s it.”

Ryder didn’t seem convinced. “I’ve never seen you that out in the open, Hawke. Turning a new leaf in a new city?”

“No. It was a mistake, and not one that’ll be repeated, especially withher.”

I regretted adding the last part almost immediately, and a quick glance at Ryder confirmed he’d heard it. “So, the two of you are truly done?”

“For fuck’s sake. We never started anything to finish. I shouldn’t have had sex with her, and I don’t plan to again. Now, if there’s nothing else…” My voice drifted off, and I hoped my friend just dropped the topic completely.

“I haven’t seen you scene with anyone else, and Syn has been open for weeks. If you—”

“I’ve been busy, but if it’ll get you off my nuts, you know what to do. Find one and have her ready in an hour,” I told him.

It looked like I was going to go with the optional plan, after all. Hopefully, a scene would be all I needed to put away the memories threatening to come back to the surface. I would once again find myself in control, and I would feel centered. Maybe then, I’d also be able to put Charlotte Maxwell out of my mind.

Ryder nodded, then walked away. I shook my head and went straight to my office. Once inside, I noticed the shakiness of my hands. I would need to get myself under control soon before I put my dungeon to use.

Back in Washington, D.C., I’d had a tried and true method, and if I ever expected to regain control of my emotions, I needed to return to being the man I had been. The man I would always be. After all, nothing had changed with me outside of geography. I was the same fucked-up sadist I had always been. Soon, it would be time to remind myself, and others, of that.

As I tried to settle my nerves, I sat down, then pulled up the database which housed potential applicants. There had to be at least fifty or more applications to sift through. Knowing this would definitely keep me busy until I heard back from my friend, I spent the next hour skimming over various questions and answers on the first part of the application. I had always been able to glean a lot of information from that portion alone, and by the time I had a folder of Dominants and Submissives moving to the second phase of the approval process, my phone rang.

Absently picking it up, I answered, “Yeah.”

“She’s ready,” was all Ryder said before hanging up.

22 – CHARLOTTE

Iwalked into Syn much like I had for the last few days. While I didn’t expect to find Hawke waiting on me, I at least thought I would see him out on the floor somewhere, but had once again been proven wrong. I was close to admitting that for the fourth night in the row until someone touched my shoulder.

Hopeful that it was him, I spun around trying to hide my disappointment over realizing it was only the security guy I had met when planning the party. Out of all the people I had met during that time, he seemed to be the only one ever around anymore.

“Hi, Ryder!”

The blond looked over my shoulder, causing me to turn around to do the same. When I didn’t see anything, I turned back to him with a look of confusion on my face. It was then I realized that maybe he had seen Hawke. I was about to ask him if something was wrong, but he started to speak instead.

“Are you here alone?” he asked. I nodded in response. “Have you talked to Hawke lately?”

I let out a sigh, then ruefully shook my head. “No, and I was actually hoping to see him tonight. D-do you know when he might be available?”

For all I knew, Hawke might have told his friends and staff to get rid of me.

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