Page 27 of Hawke

“Wanna talk about it?”

Emery’s concern was greatly appreciated, but I shook my head in response. The pain was still too raw, and I had yet to fully process it myself. It’d been one thing to live it, but another to talk about it. I wasn’t ready to share that humiliation of mine. Not even with my best friend in the whole world.

We both grew silent again, and I took another quick glance at Emery, who was busy texting someone on her diamond encrusted cell phone. The case alone cost more than the actual phone, but as a true daddy’s girl, Em never needed for anything. Whatever she wanted was just a phone call away. I remembered asking her once why she always made him spend so much money on things, especially on stuff she didn’t really need or even want.

“Daddy enjoys buying me things. He only does it because he misses me. Since it makes him feel better, I might as well enjoy it,”had been her response to the question.

My parents would do anything for me, too, but I didn’t want to just stand by and have them support my every whim. Emery didn’t care. She wasn’t employed, really had no marketable skills even. When in college, she’d do just enough schoolwork to skate by, and when it wasn’t enough, her father would donate a lump sum to the university and all was forgiven.

Even now, her father paid for the swanky penthouse she lived in, and transferred a set amount of money into her bank account each week. Emery had never had to work a day in her life, and if things continued par the course, she’d likely never need to, either.

That kind of life was fine for Emery, but I liked to be independent. It was great to have a support system nearby which made said independence easier, but I tried to lean on my family as little as possible. My older brothers were so successful that I almost felt the need to keep up with them. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, and not constantly wringing their hands like they did when it came to Cooper.

My parents were proud of me, and the more I thought about it, that was the one thing that couldn’t be bought for Emery. My best friend needn’t worry, however, because I’d be there for her always, and I was proud of her. We had made a pact with one another way back in middle school, and I intended to stand by her forever as I knew she would for me. We were the sister neither ever had, and that was for life.

My brother’s building came into view, so I veered to the left, entering the parking garage across the street and going beneath it. The snow was falling again, which in the winter was a common occurrence for Denver, and the farther underground we parked, the less of the white stuff we would see. Eventually, I found a parking space, then we got out of the car. After locking up my vehicle, we walked to the elevator which would take us to the ground level.

“These garages always freak me out, Char,” Emery told me as we walked.

I wasn’t a big fan of them either, so we picked up our paces on the way to the elevator. These kinds seemed to be ripped out of a horror movie, even though I knew this was a very safe neighborhood. Still, it did make my skin crawl slightly. Thankfully, a few minutes later, we were on the other side of the street entering the development where my eldest brother lived.

I waved at the doorman, Roberto, as we made our way to yet another elevator. Unlike the creepy parking garage, this one was much more luxurious and more befitting the lives we led. It had mirrors on three sides, and Emery began to touch up her lipstick while mentioning something about Ayden Santiago. I wanted to burst her bubble, but she seemed so happy that I let her have it.

When it came to a stop, we walked across the hallway. Even though I had a key to the place, I still knocked out of common courtesy. A few seconds later, the door opened and I smiled brightly.

“Chase!” It was the first time the gesture had been real since Valentine’s Day.

19 – CHARLOTTE

As expected, the usual suspects were all there for the small gathering. All three of my brothers, Ayden, a couple detectives from his precinct, and a mutual friend of ours had all shown up. I had brought Emery, so everyone was now there. These intimate parties used to happen with more frequency, but with everyone’s busy schedules, they now occurred every other month or two. I treasured them nonetheless, and I was now happy that I had come after all. It sure as hell beat pining away for someone who didn’t want me, now or ever.

These gatherings reminded me a lot of the dorm parties at school, and like most of those, I seemed to lose track of time. The minutes turned to hours, and everyone went from playing cards to watching a movie on Chase’s home theater system. Ten different pizzas had been delivered, most eaten by now, and the group was all seated together. Many were drinking beer except those taking on the role of designated drivers.

I was unfortunately amongst those tonight. It wasn’t as if I drank a lot as is, but with my recent romantic troubles, there didn’t seem to be a more appropriate time to drown my sorrows with alcohol than now. It would have to wait until I got home. At least the drinking part would. My thoughts stayed on Hawke and our last encounter. It’d been exactly what I had been working hard for weeks to accomplish, but the way it ended left me hollow inside. The pleasure he gave me turned sour, and now I was left moping around, a mere shell of myself.

I had actually smiled a lot tonight, and even genuinely laughed. It felt good to be surrounded by family and friends, even if they had no idea of the inner turmoil wreaking havoc inside of me. I thought I had done a great job of masking it, but I was wrong. My current mood didn’t go unnoticed by all. Chase eyed me suspiciously a few times, but I had made sure to smile at him in hopeful reassurance that he’d stop worrying and enjoy the company of his friends. Eventually, that seemed for naught.

“You look sort of down, Charlotte.”

Chase stated the obvious, but I tried to play it off. “Just tired, I guess.”

Emery had stopped batting her eyes at Ayden long enough to catch the start of my conversation with my brother. She looked between us, then cut in. “Char’s having man troubles. Nothing that a few pints of ice cream and a bottle of wine can’t fix later.”

“She has not mentioned a man to me,” he replied.

I shot my best friend a “knock it off” look, then turned toward my brother. Forcing myself to smile, I hoped to minimize things. If I went into detail about what had gone down between me and Hawke, Chase was likely to go ballistic, which was something I hoped to avoid.

“It’s not really trouble, per se. I liked a guy, but it didn’t work out.” It wasn’t a lie entirely, but I added more. “It was nothing serious. Just a short fling, I guess.”

Emery narrowed her eyes at me, and I pleaded silently for her to drop it. If I started to talk about Hawke, I would have to tell him that he was a Dominant, and my participation in that sort of lifestyle wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have around everyone else there. Even if I did manage to convince Em, it didn’t seem as if Chase was ready to do the same.

“Who was he?”

I hoped I could deflect, but it didn’t appear likely, especially when more tongues had stopped wagging, making me the center of attention. Chase arched his brow as he waited for an answer. I looked over at Emery, who was ready to spill the beans at any second. “His name is Nathaniel,” I relented, glad to have remembered his actual first name, and not the one he preferred to go by.

Ayden’s attention seemed piqued at this point. “Nathaniel Hawkins?”

No one seemed to know who he was, but obviously Ayden did. Emery smirked, and I made a mental note to talk to my best friend about keeping her mouth shut. Ayden repeated the name, and I let out a sigh. “Yes. Do you know him?”

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