Page 24 of Hawke

It was the reason that despite the cold, my eyes remained glued to the building across the street from me, the name Syn in red neon drawing me to it like a moth to a flame. Some sinners actually had enough sense to try to hide their indiscretions, but not those inside of this place.

“Syn,” I muttered in disgust.

The flashing sign was an invitation that too many people had already accepted. The magnetic pull to the depravities I knew went on inside had simply been too strong to resist. This was no ordinary club. It was one of those sex clubs, and it made me sick.

The name was apropos, as it was filled with immoral people gathered within those walls, and they were more than eager to sin in a place that not only welcomed it, but expected it. I had watched the guests at the private party practically tripping over themselves to get inside so they could act on the primal needs driven by their lust.

The thought of that lust sickened me… angered me… and I knew I would have to do something about it. The ‘what’ was already known, but the ‘when’ was still to be determined. All I did know as far as timing was that I couldn’t wait too long. There was too much at stake.

I took a last inhale from my cigarette, then I dropped the stub to the ground, crushing it with my boots. Glancing downward, I watched it disappear under the dirty sludge that had once been fresh snow. Purity was fleeting like fresh snow, and the sinners currently celebrating inside that establishment were the dirty stain on morality left behind..

It’s up to me to rid the city of these morally bankrupt sinners.

A sound caused me to stiffen, and realizing it was a door, I quickly disappeared behind a pillar. My eyes fixated on the side exit where a woman I had seen earlier came rushing through it. The blonde was disheveled and upset. I didn’t even need to see her eyes to know the truth of what had happened to her. It was written all over her guilty face.

I normally got hard off the smell of sex, but the look of a thoroughly fucked sinner seemed to have the different effect on me. It didn’t excite me, but rather disgusted me. This woman... this sinner... this whore... This was a picture I wanted to remember, one to remind me of my holy purpose.

My hand slid slowly into my pocket as I retrieved my cell phone. A quick flash was the only indicator that I had captured her image. Now, I had her face. Soon, I’d have her identity. I would find her. I always found them.

Returning my phone back to its resting place in my pocket, I then blew out another harsh breath. I had stayed outside long enough. Walking back across the street, I flashed my membership card, then re-entered Syn and disappeared into the crowd.

17 – HAWKE

Ireturned to the main area, but I was even less composed than I’d been when I left it the first time. Most men would be back in the dungeon preparing to go a second round with a submissive, but not me. My cock was still hard as iron, so it was a matter of choice and not biology. It had never been about that.

I wasn’t like most men. In fact, I hadn’t even been like most boys. That had all been a hard lesson I had learned at such a young age, and the ramifications of it all still lingered to this day. Every action had an equal and sinister reaction, and allowing myself to give in to Charlotte Maxwell’s siren call had been the biggest mistake I could’ve ever made.

When it came to me, nothing about sex was casual. The act itself was one of necessity, and it was always planned and calculated ahead of time. Tonight, being with Charlotte had been spontaneous, and not something I could keep allowing to happen. For a few moments when we had been together earlier, something foreign filled me. It didn’t last, as nothing great ever did, but it had been there nonetheless.

Sex often felt great to most, but it never could to me. There were always brief moments when I could forget who I was and where I came from, but they always disappeared in the blink of an eye. Hell, if I was being honest with myself, the loathing I felt afterward diminished any enjoyment I ever experienced during it. And I always had, even when I forced myself not to.

“Your words say one thing, but those eyes and dirty dick of yours tell me something very different.”

I slipped my mask back on. I didn’t want to think of any of those voices from my nightmares, especially on a night like this one. Unfortunately, they were always in my mind, taunting and tormenting me until…

Shaking my head, I wouldn’t go there. A place like Syn was supposed to be the cure for those dark urges, and maybe it would’ve been if I could get Charlotte out of my head. Her hot, tight pussy was heaven, even though I was perpetually trapped in some chamber of hell. Even with her…especially with her… it’d gutted me to walk away so much more. But I had out of necessity, and it was all officially over. It had to be, and I would make sure that it was.

So many years I had spent closed off enough to everything, and everyone, around me. Words, insults, emotions… nothing fazed me. I had been so resolute in my will, accepting the monsters around, and inside, me, that they eventually became a part of me.

Remnants of my past erected the wall I used as a shield, and it had always been successful until I had met her. Charlotte Maxwell was my kryptonite, and a weakness I could ill afford. Leaving her behind in the room would hopefully convince her once and for all that there could never be anything between us.

I couldn’t let there to be. She was weakening me, which was something I couldn’t allow. It was better for Charlotte to see me for what I had become… what I had to be. If she was smart, she’d run in the opposite direction, and never look back.

Have you already done that?

It was a fleeting thought that crossed my mind. I had no idea if she was still there in bed, foolishly waiting on me to return. Or if she had rejoined her gorgeous friend. Maybe she had finally left this place, and would never darken its doorsteps again. If it sounded too good to be true, it usually was, so I doubted the last one.

I’m such a bastard.

Despite what I wanted her to do, the truth remained. I hadn’t even taken her dress off while I had fucked her. There was no intimacy in the act, just as I preferred, yet it still felt so damn wrong. It also felt so damn right at the same time.

For weeks, I had jacked my dick raw imagining how good she would feel. And I hadn’t been wrong in anything that I had envisioned. Being inside of her was absolutely perfect, and it was another reason I had to let her go. She wasn’t mine to keep. Not now, or ever.

After fucking her like a whore in the hallway, I just dropped her onto the bed. I then cleaned the cum from her thighs and walked away, knowing it was the last thing I wanted to do. When our eyes had met for the briefest of seconds, I had wanted to throw all caution to the wind and fuck her the way someone like she deserved.

After, I had wanted to crawl under those covers with her and fuck her some more. If I had, everything I had worked this hard for would be over, and for what? I could cheapen the act, but I couldn’t deny the way she actually pierced the armor of my shield. I literally felt it all with her. Every. Fucking. Second. Every. Fucking. Inch.

It had been truly amazing, and equally as terrifying. Thankfully, my common sense had returned, and I had avoided a colossal mistake.

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