Page 107 of Sinful Desires

Remembering that she asked me a question, my gaze snapped to hers. “I’m going to need you to be more specific,” I drawled.

“What happened to you?” she questioned, the hurt in her voice making my stomach curl. I didn’t want her pity. “I only left you here for a month. Are…are those bruises?” She squinted, her eyes zeroing in on my neck.

There was no point in denying what they were. There was no point in even hiding them. Nothing could be done about it anyways, and like she said before, I was eighteen now. They couldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want.

“Did someone physically harm you?” she pressed, eyes widening in fear.

I shrugged. “You warned me that this place was corrupt,” I reminded her. “Don’t act so surprised.”

Disbelief washed over her. “This isn’t what I meant. I never would have sent you here had I known they let students abuse each other.” The exasperation was evident in her voice as the words tumbled from her lips.

I didn’t know what to believe anymore. It was hard to believe she didn’t know about any of the rumors or strange disappearances that occurred here.

“Who did this?”

A humorless snort left me. She was on crack if she seriously thought I was going to snitch. I really thought Hunter was going to kill me yesterday, and if I told on him, he just might.

I jolted when something brushed against my bare arm, my gaze snagging on her hand. As if sensing my unease, or noticing the distress it had caused me, she quickly retracted her hand, placing it back down on the table.

“Tell me what happened,” she urged, her voice cracking.

Heat crawled through my chest, up my throat, and burned the back of my eyes. What was I supposed to say? Even if I did decide to tell her everything, there wasn’t any proof to back my claims, and they had an army of people who would vouch for them if the need arose.

Leaning back in my seat, I forced the vulnerable feeling away the best I could. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Sighing, her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’m going to get you out of here,” she murmured. “Let me just figure some things out first.”

“It’s too late for any of that now.”

Leaving didn’t seem like the worst idea. They already won, and it was clear that I wasn’t wanted here. But at the same time, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay here with Raven and Gia and finish out the year. There were only six months left give or take.

My eyes burned as I attempted to focus them, my vision blurring. Clearing my throat, I winced from the sharp pain scraping against it from the inside.

“Thank you for coming to see me,” I said monotonously. “But it was a waste of time. I’m fine, and you should just stay away from here altogether.”

I knew the things that I was feeling were only temporary, but my body refused to grasp that concept. Depression was like having your body riddled with unexplainable aches. Kind of like a cold, just without the stuffy nose. Depression was being too weak to get out of bed, to shower, sometimes even to pee. You either wanted to eat too much or didn’t want to eat at all. Horrifying thoughts plagued your mind, reminding you how worthless you were. What was even worse than that…was when you felt numb all over and couldn’t feel a thing. Cleaning wasn’t an option, cooking wasn’t an option, leaving the house definitely wasn’t an option unless there was no other choice.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, the monster in mind weaved its way through my thoughts.

You’ll never be fine. You have clinical depression. You need medication, but you’re too stubborn to take it.

Hunter did this. You let him get to you, and now you’ll never be good enough. Always destined to be the girl everyone uses and abuses, but never the girl anyone truly wants. Just like Paisley. You’re no better than the bitches you hate.

You should have known better. You’re nothing but a piece of meat with a broken mind. Did you actually think Collin wanted you? He fucked you and then helped his friends destroy you. Foster always knew what you were. A filthy, worthless whore. Now everyone else knows too.

It took me a moment to realize warm tears were sliding down my face and Rebecca was staring at me with wide eyes and a pained expression. Releasing a shaky breath, I stood abruptly.

I refused to look back as I rushed out of the building, ignoring her pleas for me to stop. The icy breeze made me feel alive again and I almost moaned as the cold beads of water pelted my skin from above.

A sigh of contentment left me and my eyes fluttered closed. The rain and tears intertwined with one another as they slid down my face. It didn’t take long for it to transform from raining to pouring. And even then, I didn’t move. My hair stuck to my neck and face, my body shuddering from the temperature.

Lightning sounded off in the distance, forcing my heart rate to accelerate. I’ve always heard stories of people being struck by lightning—that sometimes it was fatal. If luck was on my side, maybe it would happen to me.

“Aspen?” Rebecca’s voice sounded from behind me. My eyes snapped open, realizing what I must have looked like standing here.

I didn’t turn around. Didn’t say a word. Just walked away.

Hopelessness wasn’t a foreign feeling to me. Over the years, I’ve trained myself to hide all emotion from my face where it counted. This time, it was hard to hide the way I felt though. It took too much effort to hold the mask.

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