Page 32 of First Time

Her body banged on the stairs leading up to the front porch, and I bit my lip to keep quiet.

Dad hadn’t ever laid a hand on me. Not once had I felt the fists he rained down on my mother. His words though had radiated pain through my mind long after the bruises would have faded. As I’d gotten older and taller, Mom had told me to look the other way. Allow Dad to work out his demons on her alone.

How he clung to her afterward, sobbing and begging for forgiveness made me sick. And the fact Mom always gave him grace, held him while he swore he loved her…

Liar.

Anger rose inside me with choking force. My backpack slid to the ground—my feet taking me across red-streaked cement, up wooden stairs, over the threshold through the gaping front door.

Mom whimpered from the kitchen.

Dad cursed her, his voice raised…blaming her actions for his anger, same as always.

I turned the corner, hands fisted at my sides.

He had bound her to a chair. Stood over her, hollering curses, spittle flying from his lips. His shoulders tensed, his arm drawing back, and he let it fly.

Mom’s head snapped from the force of his punch, a loud crack hitting my ears as blood flew from her nose. Her eyes rolled up, head tipping forward, and body sagging against the rope holding her to the kitchen chair.

My chest clenched tight, and I bit my lip to keep from sobbing. The taste of iron rushing to coat my tongue.

Dad heaved, ragged breaths hitched his shoulders. He yelled something about her making him do it.

Mom didn’t move.

Not one muscle.

The ranting faded, and heavy silence settled over the house like a choking blanket.

“M-Margo?” Dad whispered, dropping to his knees in front of her. “Baby?” He cradled her chin and lifted her head.

Mom remained boneless, the middle of her face crushed in from my dad’s fat knuckles

“Margo!” Dad screamed, grabbing hold of her neck to keep her head upright. He started blubbering about being sorry—same as fucking always.

“No, no, no!” he shrieked, feeling along her neck, his bloody fingers shaking while searching…

For a pulse, I realized.

“No! I-I didn’t mean to…Margo!”

My heart stopped beating. Ears rang, cutting off his sobs. Numbness settled in my limbs.

Instinct took control over my body—

* * *

I gasped, jolting awake.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Swallowing hard, I focused on filling my lungs, calming my racing heart as the memory faded from my mind. Dissolving adrenaline should have made me weak and limp on the bed, but I had to move. Couldn’t lay still.

Shifting from beneath Becky’s arm, I slid off the mattress. Every inch of my body vibrated as I peered down at her—still in peaceful rest.

I had given her that.

Me.

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