Page 2 of First Time

“I can’t ever love a man,” she told me, gazing up from where her head rested in the crook of my arm, “but if I could, it would be you.”

“You don’t want to love me,” I said with a chuckle, affection for her making me want to kiss her on the nose. “I’m not capable of giving it physically in return.”

“Are you asexual?”

I studied her upturned face and big blue eyes for a few minutes, not surprised by her bluntness. Fuck knew we’d had hours of talks amassed after all the scenes we’d done together over the nine months I’d been with Elite. She hadn’t ever asked about my lack of arousal while binding her before.

“No,” I finally answered. “I get horny, but not very often. If clients want to be fucked, I have little blue pills. I’ve just…never felt a connection with anyone, a desire to be intimate emotionally. For a while, I wondered if I might be demisexual, but I experienced insta-lust a time or two when I was younger.” Shrugging, I snuggled her closer. “I’ll be honest though, if I could fall in love, it would be with you too.”

She snorted with laughter. “Every warm-blooded male and queer female between puberty and death would say the same to my face given the chance.”

Bunny didn’t lie. She had the looks and body of a goddess along with more money than her grandchildren’s grandchildren could spend in their lifetime. Her laughter was infectious. Her smile dazzling. Her kindness worthy of sainthood.

“Maybe,” I said, “but you know I don’t give a rat’s ass about your pretty face and riches. I would fall for you because you submit so easily for me. You find your release every time I bind you in my ropes. The level of trust you give me is staggering…” My voice trailed off as a slight ache radiated through my chest.

“So you’re saying I’m everything you could ever want, but there’s no spark. No connection.” She didn’t sound put out, simply matter-of-fact.

“Unfortunately, you’re spot on,” I agreed.

Her sweet smile sent warmth through me but from shared friendship rather than desire. “You deserve to find the perfect partner, Daniel.” Bunny caressed my closely-clipped beard. “You’re a beautiful soul. Protective and sensitive. Any woman would be lucky to have you by their side and in their bed.”

“Most women see my intimidating size and run the other way,” I muttered what I found to be true more often than not whenever I went out with my friends. Some didn’t—but those women tended to be dick-hungry and only wanted what I packed between my thighs. Hookups like that turned me off and held no sway over my cock, so what was the point?

“Someday, you’re going to find the love of your life who fits your kinky lifestyle to a T, and I’ll be here pouting over losing my Sir—but I’ll be happy for you.”

Most women who liked being tied up expected and enjoyed pain with their pleasure, something I refused to give. Even when payment was offered in exchange. I’d spent my childhood watching my father, who thought roughing up my mom made him a real man.

The fucker.

The last thing I would ever do while breath lingered in my lungs was lay a hand on a woman to inflict harm of any sort.

“Time for me to go, Bunny,” I murmured and rubbed my cheek against her soft hair, needing to shut down thoughts of the past.

Roused memories never left me in a good place, and I preferred to avoid them as well as not bring them into any conversation. No one but the people from my childhood and law enforcement back in Ohio knew what had happened when I was thirteen—and I planned to keep it that way. A half hour later, I sat in my SUV heading home and feeling sorry for myself. And not for the first time after sceneing with a paying customer.

A lot of my fellow escorts who worked for Elite had found their soulmates, the women that completed them. Blake with Wren. Reid and Jessie. The summer before, Jarod had fallen for Christine. She owned his soul, and he’d captured her adoration and trust. They had survived a suicide bomber and had been buried beneath rubble for hours, and their resulting happiness brought a level of jealousy I’d never felt before. The way her gaze lingered on him and the look of pure love and acceptance in her eyes hit me every time.

To find a woman like that would be pure bliss.

Micah, Elite’s owner and one of my best friends, had replaced all three of his former employees, but I wondered if I would be so lucky to find the love of a lifetime as they had. If and when such an occurrence took place, Micah would be pissed. Happy for me like Bunny, but upset at losing yet another of his escorts.

I wasn’t actively seeking, wasn’t turned off by the thought of a ball and chain—quite the opposite. But finding someone who would fit me and my kinks, a submissive into bondage that would give me her trust to not hurt her? Not an easy feat. Chantelle’s, an exclusive BDSM club in downtown Boston, offered one of the few smorgasbords for people in the lifestyle, and I visited every Friday night when I wasn’t on the clock for Elite.

But I’d yet to run into a woman I felt drawn to, one who loved my ropes as much as I did without the pain play often associated with being bound.

A woman to help me prove to the world that a boy didn’t always grow up to be like his bastard father.

Chapter 2

Becky

A nip lingered in the air even though spring approached, so I decided to make chicken soup for dinner. It was one of Stephen’s favorites.

As always when his workday neared its end, my insides clenched, and my mind flitted from one thought to the next. Would he enter the house red-faced from anger as he’d been doing lately? Maybe he’d had a better day and would lean in to kiss me. Anxiety would probably have his shoulders heightened, and I would walk on eggshells, trying to stay out of his way until we crawled into bed.

We’d been together since high school. Sweethearts once upon a time, but the daily grind of life and paying bills had weighed on our relationship over the years.

Breathing slowly, I chopped onions and carrots into perfect-sized chunks. Potatoes instead of rice or noodles, because it was what Stephen preferred, went into the homemade broth next. Some thyme and sage…a bit of chopped garlic.

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