Page 77 of Rescued

“Nate…” She looked tired, he thought, and thinner than she had been, which made his heart ache—he loved her curves and hated to see her lose them.

“Hello, Lan’ara,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. God, he wanted to hug her! Wanted to hold her close and feel her beautiful body pressed against his own again! But he couldn’t—he didn’t dare touch her. Didn’t dare to even get too close to her.

“I wanted to be sure you were well,” she said.

Nate let out a bark of unhappy laughter.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?”

She shrugged her slim shoulders.

“Not necessarily. You were ill as well.”

“I didn’t almost die though,” Nate pointed out. “I was just out of my fucking head several times.”

She looked up at him anxiously.

“Has that happened again? Has anything, er, triggered you and sent you back into your past?”

Nate shook his head.

“No. I’ve been fine ever since…” He cleared his throat, feeling guilty. “Since the night when you collapsed. Are you okay? You look tired,” he added, unable to hide his concern for her.

“I am well. A little weak, but I’ve been recovering.” She hesitated, as though she wanted to say something else but then shook her head. “It’s good to hear you haven’t had another…episode,” she said at last. “It must mean that the Healing Nectar helped you.”

“Yeah, it helped all right,” Nate growled, feeling a surge of fury directed at himself. “It helped so much I nearly killed you—drained you like a fucking vampire!”

“What? Nate, that’s not true!” she protested.

“Come on—we both know it is,” he said roughly. “You nearly died the night I took your nectar and I didn’t know what the fuck to do for you. Scared the shit out of me—I almost lost you and it was all my fault!”

“It wasn’t your fault!” Lan’ara said quickly. “My body made the nectar for you because it sensed you needed healing. You had nothing to do with it.”

“How can you say that when I nearly killed you?” Nate demanded. He was getting more and more upset. “I’m not just talking about draining you when I sucked the nectar, either. What about how I nearly choked you?”

“You didn’t know what you were doing.” Lan’ara put a hand to her head and winced. “Please—try not to hate yourself. It’s such a difficult emotion to feel!”

“See? I’m still hurting you—even when I’m not even touching you!” Nate took a big step back from her, feeling worse than ever. “We have to face the truth, baby—I’m no fucking good for you. I nearly killed you and I hurt you just by being around you.”

“But you help me too,” she protested. “Your positive emotions—”

“Aren’t nearly strong enough to outweigh my negative ones,” Nate said darkly. “I’m sorry, Lan’ara—I know we said we’d try the Claiming period, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I think…” He shook his head. “I think maybe it’s better if we just go back to Earth—or to the Kindred Mother Ship. But I can’t stay here with you anymore—not knowing that I might hurt you at any time, just by being near you. Not to mention if something triggers me…” He shook his head, unable to go on.

Lan’ara’s beautiful purple eyes filled with tears but she didn’t shout or argue or try to change his mind. She simply nodded her head in acquiescence.

“All right, Nate, if that’s the way you want it.”

“That’s not the way I want it,” he said roughly. “But it’s the way things have to be. I’m so fucking sorry, Lan’ara. We just can’t be together.”

“Very well.” She nodded and two fat teardrops rolled down her cheeks. “Because you haven’t had any triggering incidents since drinking the Healing Nectar, I believe you must be safe to go to the Mother Ship. I know…” She stopped for a moment and pressed a hand to her eyes. “I know how much you want to see your human friends again. I hope…hope it will make you happy.”

At that moment, Nate didn’t think anything could ever make him happy again. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world, making her cry like this! He hated himself but even that emotion was bad for her—every negative feeling he had hurt her and it seemed like all he had to offer were negative feelings.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he said again awkwardly.

“Don’t be.” She shook her head. “You must follow your heart, Nate.” She swiped at her eyes. “I will see that a long-range shuttle is ready for us. There is at least one craft available for Kindred emergencies. We can leave tomorrow.”

As she turned to go, Nate felt an ache deep in his chest—it was like someone was tearing his heart out and with every step she took away from him the pain got worse. But there was nothing he could do about it.

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