Page 40 of Wasted On Us

Eden tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Of course, it is. So, here goes. What’s your longest relationship?”

I consider the question. The answer is clear. I just find myself unable to put it into words. I’m not sure why. It didn’t used to be anything I was embarrassed about. It felt kind of cool, actually. Nobody could tame or tie down Mateo García. I wore it like a badge of honor with all the pros of a pretty girl on my arm, without the cons of an actual relationship. I think I’m just starting to hit the age where that’s no longer something to aspire to. Everyone else seems to have figured things out, while I’m still sneaking out of bedrooms, trying to put my shoes on and call an Uber without waking up a girl whose name I don’t even know.

If there’s anyone I shouldn’t be embarrassed around, it’s Eden. She was honest about Rick with me last night. I should be honest with her now.

“Um. You, I guess.”

“Right. That’s what I thought. So…” She purses her lips, looking down at the grass between her feet. “And here’s the follow-up…”

“I don’t like letting anyone close, okay?” The explanation spills out of me faster than I can think. “I just… I haven’t in forever. I’m scared, you know? There’s nothing worse than losing a parent at such a young age. Ineedmy mom, and she’s not here. When I get attached to people, they leave. And if you keep things casual, you don’t have to feel the pain. So, I guess that’s my excuse for what it’s worth. Lame, I know.”

She looks up at me, and where I expected to see pity in her eyes, I see kindness instead. “You mean you haven’t let anyone in since your mother passed away?”

“Yes. Can we go now?” Talking about my dead mother was not on my list of ‘things to do on vacation.’ As much as I appreciate her understanding, I can’t bring myself to delve any deeper into that aspect of my life.

Eden tilts her head in confusion. “I haven’t asked my follow-up question.”

Excellent. I just opened my mouth and spilled my guts without needing to at all.

“That wasn’t the question?”

“No,” she smirks. “I was going to ask… why me?”

The question stops me in my tracks. Why wouldn’t it be her? Why would she even need to ask? This Rick guy must’ve done a number on her self-esteem. I have the fleeting urge to fly to Italy, grab him by the back of the neck, and shake some sense into the man.

“Why not you? You’re awesome. You’re funny. I love joking around with you, and kissing you, and being close to you. For the first time in my life, I feel like I might be on the verge of something real.”

“That sounds big?” Her hand finds mine again, lacing our fingers together.

All of this vulnerability is making my head spin. I’ve shared more in this one conversation than I have in the last ten years. “That seems like another follow-up question.”

“No, it’s more like… a commentary, that I want you to confirm.”

“Please,” I breathe, wanting this talk to end before I end up saying anything else I’ll regret. “Maybe it’s because you don’t demand much from me. You just let me… be me.”

Eden smiles, satisfied with my answer. “Okay, Mateo. Let’s go dance.”

By the time we go back to our cabin to freshen up and then head over to the evening concert at the amphitheater, it’s already dusk. The first few acts have already gone, and there isn’t much space left for chairs in the grass. There’s standing room only by the front, and Eden manages to squeeze us into a comfortable place near an older couple slow dancing to the blues act currently on stage. They barely notice us next to them, so wrapped up in each other. The looks of genuine love on their faces remind me of my parents, and how they used to dance with each other. I can feel that fear returning, the terror at the idea of coming so close to someone, only to inevitably lose them.

Then Eden grabs my hand, pulling me into a dance with her, and it all melts away. I can’t help but notice the swift change in her demeanor, the way she’s gone from distant and apprehensive to warm and inviting. It’s a sudden shift, a transformation I’m still trying to comprehend. Just moments ago, she was cold, reluctant to even consider our future, and now she’s holding my hand, her eyes filled with trust and a promise of something more. Her unpredictability is both bewildering and alluring, and I find myself drawn into her orbit, eager to explore what lies beneath her ever-changing surface.

I’m not sure how long we’re there, when all is said and done. We leave before the final act is over, but only because we’re both so tired we can’t keep moving. I’m not old yet, not by a long shot, but I’m not as young as I used to be either. We take a bike taxi back to the resort, stumbling back to our cabin as we shuffle our feet. I almost doze off leaning against the doorway as I wait for Eden to finish brushing her teeth and going through her relentless multi-step skincare routine.

It’s all I can do to climb into bed gracefully, and not just hurl myself face-first into the pillows.

“I’m too tired for sex,” Eden blurts out. “Um… I mean… you totally wore me out yesterday.”

I have to laugh in agreement. “Same. And same. What if I just hold you tonight?”

“Perfect,” she groans, stretching a hand out and groping around in the darkness. “Come to my side of the bed. I don’t think I can move.”

“No, come over here. I have more room.”

“That’s because you’re too far away,” she whines, swatting at my head with a pillow. I put my hands up in front of my face in self-defense, trying to push it away.

“Okaaaaay. But I have a solution. Meet me in the middle.”

She goes quiet for a moment, considering.

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