Page 11 of Wasted On Us

I shift in my leather seat, the heat between us palpable as I regard him out of my peripheral vision. That confession I just made is both shocking and deeply vulnerable: I’m not a normal woman. I’ve never had an orgasm—not even while touching myself. It’s an admission that speaks volumes of my past experiences. Which includes Rick… and Rick’s skill level or lack thereof.

Mateo glances over at me. “I mean… it makes sense. You already know me. We’ve gotten that awkward getting-to-know-you stuff out of the way. You know I’m not a serial killer. Let me show you what it should feel like.”

My cheeks flush, and my eyes widen in surprise. But there’s a strong curiosity there, too—the part of me that wants to experience pleasure without the fear or emotional baggage from past relationships.

The part of me who wants to take a risk.

Could I really do this? With him? I hesitate for a moment before nodding slowly and with determination. My heart skips a beat.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m inviting you up. But my life’s a hot mess right now. I don’t want anything serious. It’s gotta be super casual. Agreed?”

After a few moments of silence, Mateo turns to me, his eyes intense. “Eden,” he starts, his voice taking on a more serious tone that somehow makes my heart flutter.

“Yeah?” I reply, feeling the wine-induced warmth being replaced by a different kind of warmth.

“I need to be honest with you. I’m more than attracted to you,” he admits. His words hit me like a shockwave, a mixture of surprise and a hint of anxiety washing over me. “More than I’ve ever been attracted to anyone else.”

His admission is so genuine, so raw that it leaves me breathless. “Mateo, I…” I stumble over my words, uncertain of what to say.

“I’m not sure I can do casual. At least not with you. I will promise that I’ll try. But if things become more serious at any point, I want the option to renegotiate our bargain. Deal?” he asks, his voice steady but his hands nervously fidgeting with the steering wheel.

“I...I…” I stutter again, my mind racing. I’ve never been in a relationship that I would label satisfying. I’m inexperienced, and that’s without even factoring in my ADHD. Could I really be enough for him?

“But... I’ve never... I mean, I’m...” I finally manage to utter, my insecurities bubbling to the surface. “And my ADHD... it... I...”

He reaches out, placing his hand over mine, a gesture that immediately calms my spiraling thoughts. “Eden,” he says, looking straight into my eyes. “I don’t care about any of that. I just want to please you. To make you happy. I know your big, beautiful brain wants certainty to feel safe, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s better to figure things out as you go.”

“But what if you’re just trying to... to take advantage because...” I trail off, my fears spilling out.

He shakes his head vehemently, “Eden, no. I would never. You’re not an easy target. You’re you, and that’s who I’m attracted to.”

“But I might not be what you’re expecting,” I blurt out, my voice barely above a whisper.

“You’re not what I was expecting, but that's what makes you captivating,” he says, his eyes filled with sincerity. “You’re Eden. You’re unlike any girl I've ever met, and that’s not something I say lightly. It’s your uniqueness that I find so intriguing. I like you, Eden, exactly as you are, not some idealized version of you. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen between us tonight, that will never change.”

His words hang in the air, filling the car with a sense of peace. I don’t have all the answers, and neither does he. But in this moment, it feels like enough.

“And if you say yes,” he adds, his voice soft. “I promise to take things at your pace. We can compromise. We can land somewhere between super casual and married with children. How does that sound?”

A thousand thoughts ping around my head, but amidst the chaos, one thing stands out clearly. Mateo is sincere.

With a heart pounding in both fear and longing, I find the courage to take the leap, to trust in the connection between us, and to invite Mateo into the beautifully complex world that is me.

“Okay,” I breathe out, a smile slowly forming on my lips. I reach out my hand for a shake. “Okay, Mateo. Let’s give this a shot.”

His warm fingers linger against mine. “Um… you need to make the next move, Eden. In the interest of not being pushy.”

Still buzzing with the warmth of his words, I pull my focus back to the immediate. The night has draped the city in its deep hues, and the city lights twinkle around us like distant stars. My apartment building looms before us, a modest structure swathed in the city’s soft glow. A knot of anxiety that I hadn’t realized was there unwinds slightly in my stomach.

He switches off the engine, and the car settles into silence. We step out onto the sidewalk, the cool evening air breezing past us as we make our way into the building. I lead the way to the elevator, pressing the button for my floor. The doors close behind us, and a soft, instrumental melody plays in the background.

Inside the elevator, the lighting is muted, casting soft shadows around us. I can feel his presence beside me, solid and reassuring, his nearness lending me a warmth that has nothing to do with the temperature. Mateo reaches out and grabs my hand, his touch creating heat against my skin.

A soft ding announces our arrival, and the doors slide open to my floor. We step out into the well-lit hallway, my apartment door just a few steps away. The anticipation of what comes next adds a layer of thrill, stirring a sweet nervous energy within me.

I open the door and swing it wide, gesturing him inside. He steps inside my apartment and glances around. The air is thick with the scent of jasmine and vanilla. As Mateo turns to face me, I flash him a coy smile. I wonder how this is going to go. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the same after he leaves.

“Do you like it?” I ask, gesturing toward the candles scattered around the room.

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