Page 95 of Heartless Beloved

The last text exchange we had was the day before the lake. When we had sex for the first time. His friend Zara is the girl who’s been showing up to Zeta Nu’s parties to deal drugs. Xi, he just…vanished into thin air. Exactly like Harper said he would. When I asked his best friend where he’d gone, she just ignored me and went back to work.

He slept with Harper. Probably countless other girls.

And now he slept with me.

You are my safe place, Alex.

Surely, he’s not going to just…disappear, right?

I’m such a fucking idiot.

I lost my virginity to a playboy. It doesn’t get stupider than that.

I gulp as I look at my paper bag again. There is no way I can eat anything.

“Guys,” Ella groans as she peers behind me. She swallows a mouthful of salad and throws her head back. “Wren is currently playing lacrosse, shirtless, right in front of us. Why does he have to be so hot?”

Both mine and Peach’s heads snap back, wanting to enjoy the view too.

“God,” I sigh. Wren and Chester are standing a few feet apart, throwing a lacrosse ball to each other with their sticks. Under our end-of-September unusual heat, they both took off their uniform shirts.

“And when did Chester become so muscly? He was just a baby in high school.” Ella nudges my leg with hers. “Did you know? Did you see him shirtless before? This is obviously the universe telling you to get back together with him. You know, after Xi.”

Peach gives me the side-eye like she knows something, but I ignore her.

I shake my head. “Chester and I are friends.” My voice is quiet today and I hate myself for it. I shouldn’t care about Xi not giving me any explanation for disappearing. My heart sinks when I come to the understanding that us having sex was probably the last time he’d talk to me. The last time he’d chase me and compliment me.

He got what he wanted.

I put my hand in my bag and clutch the lighter he’d left the first time he was in my room. I play with it, my hand hidden. I like the feeling of the sparkwheel against my skin. It’s rough, like him. It hurts a little, like him. And if I stroke it the wrong way, it’s dangerous.

Like him.

“How do you know if a guy is ghosting you?” I ask unexpectedly.

My two friends stare at me, mouths full. Ella’s eyes bulge as she swallows. “Is Xi not replying anymore?”

I shake my head, embarrassment creeping up my cheeks.

“You guys have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now. You’ve been texting all the time. Maybe he’s just busy?” she offers reassuringly.

Peach’s eyes narrow, and she gives me that look again as if I need to admit something.

“Did something happen?” Ella insists.

Yes. I gave him what he wanted. I finally had sex with him. And now he’s gone.

“How long has he been quiet?” she asks as she spears her salad with her fork.

“Four days.”

“Four days? What the hell is wrong with this guy.”

“It’s over, then. Isn’t it?” I ask, all hope fleeing my body.

“No,” she waves her fork next to her face. “We don’t know that. Some guys are just weird. Let’s ask the boys. Hey guys!” Ella shouts as she waves at them. “Come sit with us.”

“No, no, no, El’s,” I whine. Too late, they’re already on their way.

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