Page 46 of Heartless Beloved

I imagine the kind of things he could do to me. The ones I dream of sometimes. If I say no, will he hold me down and force me?

A wave of pleasure crashes through me, making my clit tingle.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” I whisper, now scared of him finding out how I’m really feeling.

I must get this man out of here.

“Is it really hurting you if you enjoy yourself? Don’t be so scared to admit you want me even after Harper said to stay away.”

And just like that, his hand leaves my body as he stands up. “Donotlet strangers in your house, Alexandra. It will get you killed. Sleep off the drugs and alcohol. I’ll see you around.”

I watch with wide eyes as he leaves my bedroom.

The moment he’s gone, I breathe out. My body crashes, and I’m shaking, my teeth rattling. I grab the first thing in my bed to cover myself with.

I put a piece of clothing on, shocked when I smell him on it. This isn’t mine.

I look down, recognizing the black hoodie he was wearing earlier. He must have taken it off at some point.

I struggle to swallow. The mere memory of him mixed with his smell makes my thighs tighten. I roll under the covers and put my hands in the front pocket of the hoodie. There’s something in there, and I can feel the shape of a plastic lighter.

I close my eyes, pressing my thumb against the spark wheel and loving the roughness against my skin. It helps with the stress that’s suddenly engulfing me.

Xi is no savior. No hero. How could I believe for one second that I was safe with him?

My last experience of the North Shore should have taught me better than that.

7

ALEXANDRA

sex scenes and video games – Grady

I grab a bottle of water in the fridge and make my way back to the kitchen counter. We need to empty the fridge at some point tomorrow, or everything is going to go bad. No one is in our penthouse tonight. We moved all our stuff to Xi Ep today, and that’s where the girls are, but I decided to spend one last night here to catch up on work before the craziness of initiations begins. My dad has been keeping an eye on all my homework and has deemed that I didn’t have enough essays in my Introduction to international relations class, so he had a private tutor send me some essay questions to answer.

I huff as I sit back down at the kitchen counter, facing my laptop. Instead of turning on the main lights, I’ve only lit up the fairy lights hanging above the kitchen island. I lit up some candles around me, and I’m wearing my short silk pajamas with the black hoodie Xi had left behind. It still smells like him after three days.

I look at the fully furnished room around me, the kitchen opening into a large living room with a floor-to-ceiling window that has a view of the campus. It doesn’t look like we’ve moved out. This penthouse will stay empty of tenants the whole year while we live in Xi Ep because our families don’t care about paying two extortionate rents.

I gather my hair into a bun, some strands still damp from my earlier shower and open the email I received from my private tutor. Just then, my phone rings, and I roll my eyes at the name on the screen.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Did you receive it? Leo said he sent three questions. He suggested you only pick one, but I think you could do two. One tonight, one tomorrow, maybe.”

“The girls at Xi Epsilon are organizing a movie night tomorrow night. I was hoping to do that rather than do extra work. I think one is enough.”

I hear the disappointment in his huff and the anger behind it. “Alex,” he scolds me. “It’s while people have movie nights that you should work. How do you expect to be ahead of the curve if you lounge around doing nothing. Is that really the best I can expect from you?”

“No, but—”

“But?” There’s a silence as I hear his breathing harshening. “Did you just saybutto me?”

My stomach twists with fear. One he instilled far too long ago for me to control today.

“I’m sorry,” I say in a hurry. “I just meant that it would be nice to get to know my sisters,” I run my index finger against the hairline on my forehead, “but I understand there are more important things. Of course.”

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