Page 7 of Poetry of Flowers

He was a good older brother. Nash had left for college two years ago, so it was just Kayden and Faith at home. She had grown into a beautiful girl. Faith will go to high school with us after the holidays. I’m asking myself what that would be like? Would Kayden be very protective, or would he just watch her quietly and only intervene when things went too far, like he did with me?

“We should stop living for other people,” I mumbled and laid my head on his shoulder.

It was getting darker with every minute. My legs were so heavy, and I was so tired that my mind had gone blank.

“Let’s go home, shall we?”

“Did you drive here?” I asked because my feet couldn’t take the walk back home.

Kayden nodded before getting back on his feet and helping me up.

“I saw you weren’t with your family, so I went and told my mom I’d go to see if you needed anything,” he said while we walked to the parking lot where his black Jeep stood. I liked his car; we had countless memories in there, like homecoming a year ago.

I only went because Autumn had said she required me to be there with her; otherwise, I would have stayed home. Most people didn’t understand my view of my grief. I felt that doing the things I enjoyed was not fair because Mom would never have the chance to experience any of this again.

Being happy isn’t fair to the dead, but it’s something I must learn again with time. Otherwise, living won’t be in my future.

“I know you like walking barefoot, but why aren’t you wearing shoes, Tillie?” he asked as he held the door to the passenger seat open for me.

“I was about to go to bed and write because I didn’t want the morning to come, but I had the urge to talk to Mom,” I answered him as I sat down. I was in my Nirvana pajamas and didn’t wear any socks at this time. Actually, it was Dad’s old pajamas; I didn’t want him to spend money on me when we had bills to pay that we couldn’t even afford.

Kayden sat down next to me and started the car.

“You couldn’t put on shoes before you ran here?” he asked, sounding almost amused.

Idiot.

It wasn’t amusing at all; my feet really hurt from the stones, but eventually, it’s my own fault, I guess.

“I wanted to be back before my dad and brother were on their way home, so I just started to run; I don't think I even locked the door behind me. It was an impulsive thought.”

The rain was still falling on the windshield. I loved that the clouds still shared my sadness.

ChapterTwo

KAYDEN

“Kay, Kay! Get up!” I heard my sister’s voice yelling from outside my bedroom door.

“Shut up, Faith!”

I pulled my blanket over my head. God-damn it, I knew when I had to wake up, just because it was her first day didn’t mean I had to be overexcited too.

School had never been exciting for me, not even when I was younger, or on my first day.

Nothing about shoving children into closets and destroying their creativity and love of life was exciting.

I groaned as I threw off my blanket. It was six in the morning, and I only had slept about four hours after I went home, as soon as Tillie was finally asleep.

She has had insomnia ever since her mother wasn’t here anymore to tell her fairy tales before bed. Well, she wouldn’t do that anymore, but it had stopped so abruptly that it left its scars.

She’s almost seventeen but stopped being a child when she was almost eight. That was not a good thing. If I wasn’t with her, she couldn’t fall asleep. Instead, she would be sitting in her bed and staring at her pale red wall for hours, buried in her dark thoughts that made her hate herself.

This year, I want to show her that life isn’t something you have to fight through. Each day should feel like a blessing and not like a curse.

I was one to talk about this, feeling cursed for each day I was here. But it was different with her, I wanted her to get rid of those tired eyes. It was torture having to look at them day by day. I knew it was hard for her and that she was shutting almost everyone in her life out. I was so thankful I wasn’t one of them. Even if she had tried to, I would have never let her get away with it.

Tillie had been there for me when all I wanted was to run away and disappear. This girl made me not hate the world as much as I used to. She was the first person – and probably the last – to tell me that I looked like music. My best friend always had a special way with words. Sometimes she let me look at the book of poems she was writing back then.

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