Page 54 of Pause

“What exactly are you saying? Get to the point.” Slade’s hands are clenched so tightly, his fingers are white.

It’s obvious where this is going. Yet, we’re both waiting for Lauren to say it out loud. Maybe even hoping we’re wrong.

“I was sitting at a cute little sidewalk café one afternoon, watching the gondolas float past on a canal. It was charming. Just like in the movies. I was dizzy on life, wanting something amazing to happen to me. Anything. I yearned for adventure. A gentleman approached and asked if he could join me. He spoke broken English, highly accented, but I could understand him well enough. His name was Matteo. We started talking and found out we had a lot in common. We just clicked, you know?”

I do. When looking up love in the dictionary, it should saypeople who click.

“Doesn’t happen often,” Lauren continues. “We were having such a nice time, we sat there for hours talking. Before we knew it, the sun was setting. We couldn’t believe it. How had so much time passed? He offered to show me the sights of his beautiful city the next day, and I jumped at the chance.”

Now I understand why Lauren wanted me here, for moral support. This news is going to hit Slade hard. He hasn’t moved. He might as well be a statue. It doesn’t bode well for the emotions he must be feeling inside.

“We spent every day together for about a month. I still look back on it as one of the most magical times of my life. He was single, free to fall in love. It was summer, and he was home from college with no responsibilities. We were both young and crazy. There was just one problem. I wasn’t free. He knew it. I was honest with him. He also knew how unhappy I was with my marriage. He didn’t let it bother him. Our relationship was fun and lighthearted, although sometimes intense. I loved him, and he loved me. Truth is, I’ll always love him. Even to this day. You need to know that, Slade. I loved him. We had so little time together in the scheme of things, but I truly loved him. It was wrong, but it wasn’t a fling. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you weren’t a mistake or an accident from a one-night stand. You were created out of love.”

Slade remains dead silent.

“I became ill, and when I realized I was pregnant, I knew exactly whose baby it was. It was obvious to Adrian as well. We hadn’t had intimate relations in quite some time. There was no question; the baby wasn’t his. The thing is, he didn’t get angry at me. He didn’t shout or yell. He was silent, with the saddest look on his face. He was devastated. I’ll never forget that look. It killed me.”

I think Slade’s in shock. He’s still not moving a muscle.

“I was miserably ill with morning sickness practically overnight, like the flip of a light switch. I could barely get out of bed. I couldn’t even lift my head. Your dad, Adrian, couldn’t care for me. He was swamped with his job. He took off just enough time to escort me on a plane to Oregon, then turned around and returned to Italy. The doctor had to sedate me just to survive the trip. Instead of living in romantic Italy on a second honeymoon with my husband, I found myself sick as a dog, pregnant with another man’s child, and living with my mother. She took care of me and nursed me through the worst of the morning sickness. Everyone assumed it was Adrian’s baby. No one even questioned it.” Lauren takes a deep breath.

“Only your father and I knew the truth. I never saw Matteo again. I’ve always wondered what he thought happened to me. This was before the age of cell phones and texting. I was so ill, I couldn’t meet him at our designated spot as planned. I had no way of contacting him. We didn’t exchange that kind of information, knowing it would be dangerous for me if your dad found out. I’ve always hated the thought of Matteo waiting for me, wondering where I was. I wonder how long he waited for me to show up. Hours? All day? Did he wait for me every day for the next week? I’ll never know exactly. I know I broke Matteo’s heart. And your dad’s.” Then she specifies, “Adrian’s.”

I close my eyes. I can’t imagine how Slade’s feeling right now. The man he thought was his father was not his real father.

“When your father, Adrian, returned home from Italy, he apologized profusely for his behavior. He said he knew he’d neglected me. I was shocked. He hadn’t done anything wrong except work hard to support his family, yet he blamed himself. I apologized for my behavior and told him I was wrong to do what I’d done. I begged for his forgiveness. I knew there was no excuse for my actions. It didn’t matter that he had been busy. I was the one in the wrong.

“He forgave me and told me how much he loved me. He asked if we could try again. He explained that he was miserable in his current job, that he’d hated every day in Italy. He’d wanted it to be a second honeymoon just as much as I had. Instead, he’d found himself so busy he could hardly breathe.” A small smile crosses Lauren’s face.

“I couldn’t believe it. I thought for sure he would want a divorce and want nothing to do with me or the baby. I wouldn’t have blamed him. Instead, he still wanted me. He wanted the baby. He wanted to raise the baby as his own. Your father, Adrian, loved you, Slade. As far as he was concerned, you were his son. He was the best man I’ve ever known. We bought Sheridan House and he became a different man. He was finally happy with his life. He was no longer filled with stress every day. We fell in love all over again, and we had an amazing life together. We loved each other. We truly did.”

Lauren wipes the tears from her eyes, clearly fatigued from the emotional wear and tear of telling her secret.

“When your father passed, something inside of me died too. I miss him every single day. It wasn’t until I was at my mother’s bedside last year when she was dying that she told me to look inside a certain drawer in her dresser. When I did, I found a stack of letters, all from Matteo. My mother kept them hidden from me. Turns out, she knew all along what had really happened. On her death bed, she made sure I received them.”

Lauren pulls out the stack of letters. They had been sitting next to her on the couch the entire time, hidden by her blanket.

“I want you to have these, Slade. I want you to know that I loved your birth father and he loved me. But it wasn’t meant to be. It was wrong on so many levels. I was promised to someone else. In the end, I chose to stay with Adrian, the one who raised you as his own. He adored you. Never doubt that. I didn’t know about these letters from Matteo. If I had, what would I have done? I don’t know the answer to that question. We’ll never know. But I don’t regret a moment of my life with your father. I don’t regret the choice I made.”

Lauren looks down, playing with the beautiful ribbon holding the letters together.

“Matteo did his research. I’m not sure how he found out where I was, but somehow, he figured it out. He wrote to me, begging for me to return to him. Of course, I never answered because I didn’t know about the letters. At least, not until years later, after I had lost your father. Adrian. Here’s the thing you need to know, Slade. I didn’t know how to contact Matteo. He never knew I was pregnant. He never knew about you. He doesn’t know he has a son. Whatever you decide to do with this information is your decision, but I felt you deserved to know about your biological father.”

Slade covers his face with his hands. He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

After a few moments, he lifts his head. “Dad wasn’t my father?”

Slade’s in shock. The news is slowly sinking in. It’s a lot to unpack.

“Dex is my…half-brother?” he asks, the question rhetorical.

“Yes.” Lauren again wipes at her tears. “I’m so sorry, Slade.”

Slade gets to his feet so abruptly the chair rocks in place, nearly falling over. “I can’t…no…I don’t…how could…why did…”

He can’t get out what he wants to say. He turns and walks toward the door, his stride angry. The door slams hard behind him, making the windows rattle.

Lauren and I sit in silence for several minutes. My tears join hers. Slade is devastated. My happy, perfect man just had the rug pulled out from under him. His world is forever changed.

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