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Nope.

But he has now. It’s not a pretty sight. Insecurity might as well be my middle name. Blu ruined me. He really did. But he didn’t make me jump into a new relationship. I did that all on my own.

“Marin.” Slade says softly. “There’s something you need to understand. The aftereffects of a traumatic experience don’t go away. They’ll always be with you. There’s no way to erase trauma, but you will learn how to cope with these feelings. You’ll learn the things you need to do to deal with them without breaking down every time. You’re still in the window of time where breaking down is natural and normal. I’m surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. I’ve pushed you too hard too soon, and I’m sorry for that. I really am.”

“You haven’t. I chose for myself. I wanted you. I still do.” My voice is raspy from tears.

“Yes, but I should’ve known better. I should’ve given you more time to recover. I was thinking clearly, and it could be argued that you were not.” I see what Slade’s saying. Still, I know my own heart. It wants Slade.

“I remember very clearly what I was thinking in the moment when my father asked if he could come to our wedding. I know exactly what I was thinking when he spoke of grandchildren. I don’t know what my expression was, but I know where my thoughts were. My mind started to imagine what it would be like to have you as my wife. I imagined what our children would look like and how many we would have. I dreamed of bringing them to Venice to meet their grandfather. I knew it was what I wanted to happen in my life. What you saw on my face was not indifference or fear or uncertainty. It was me lost in my own thoughts. And I loved those thoughts. I didn’t even notice you smiling at me or reaching for my hand. I was a million miles away.”

“Really?” I mumble.

“Really. I’ll never lie to you, Marin.”

I start to cry again. For the first time, I realize how damaged I am by Blu’s actions. Slade knew it all along, and that’s why he’s upset with himself.

“Please don’t be mad at yourself for starting a relationship with me. You’ve healed me in ways I can’t begin to explain. I would be a broken woman without you.” Maybe I’m still broken. Slade’s love heals me and will continue to heal me. “I’m sorry, Slade. I was trying so hard to not ruin your last evening with your family.”

“You haven’t ruined anything. Even our moonlight gondola ride will always be one of my favorite memories with you. I wasn’t sure, but I wondered if you were simply sad to be leaving soon.”

“I loved it too,” I sniffle.

“I have something for you.” Slade shifts, reaching into his front pocket. He pulls out a small box. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice it before now. He opens up the box to reveal a perfect ruby red Murano glass heart necklace.

I gasp at the sight, touched to the core of my soul. “How did you…when did you…?”

“When you weren’t looking, that’s how.” He laughs lightly. “I had to be sneaky.” He pulls it out and places it around my neck. He gently pushes my hair to one side and clasps the necklace. “There. You have my heart, Marin. I’m giving it to you.”

I lean back in his arms, and my lips join with his as he wipes away my tears with his fingertips. He’s the gentlest, sweetest man. He picks up my broken pieces and makes me whole.

It’s obvious why I like him. I’m not so sure what he sees in me. Whatever it is, he’s the balm to my soul. I heave a sigh of relief as the ache inside me slips away, replaced by the love Slade bestows upon me.

I’m grateful for Slade Sheridan.

chapter twenty-nine

THE FLIGHT FEELSshorter going home, although neither one of us acknowledges the passing of time because we’re both dead to the world asleep nearly the entire trip.

My feeling of security is back. He’s sitting next to me, lightly snoring. It reminds me he’s close by, and I like the sound. If our future comes to fruition, his snoring might send me packing for the couch. Just being real.

The way Slade handled my breakdown last night impressed me—if I wasn’t already infatuated enough with him. I loved how understanding he was, how sympathetic he felt toward my plight. I felt validated. It was a talk we’d needed to have, even though we didn’t realize it. Now it seems obvious. I was like a snowball rolling down a hill, gathering speed and gaining in size as I barreled toward a brick wall.

Regardless, the snoring blob of gorgeousness splayed out next to me understands me. That’s all I need. I reach up and hold my Murano glass heart. I have Slade’s heart. It’s a constant reminder that I am whole. Exactly what I needed. I’ll never take off this necklace. Only when I shower. Otherwise, it’s now a part of me.

When we arrive in rainy Portland, we pick up Slade’s car and head for Misty Gray. Venice feels like a dream. It will always be alive and well in my memories.

“Does it feel weird to not have to worry about catching a boat?” I ask Slade.

“Yeah. I feel oddly free. Venice can feel slightly claustrophobic when you’re not used to being surrounded by water, even though I loved it.”

“Agreed. I could easily get used to it.”

“Ha! Me too.” Slade switches the windshield wipers on.

I lean my forehead on the passenger window. It’s a rainy Oregon day in the middle of summer. “Do you think tourists everywhere are extremely disappointed right now?”

“Welcome to our world. Land of rain and fog.”

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