Page 43 of First Impressions of You

Unless, of course, I can channel them into Melina’s feelings. When she fights back with him before recognizing her long-lost friend, I put all my rage into it. Emily cuts me off in the middle of the scene.

“Luiza, sweetie, Melina is scared, remember? Not angry. She’s just scared, and she doesn’t recognize Arthur. Let’s try again.”

We take it from the beginning of the scene again. Winter chases after me on the stage where later there will be trees, and I run away from him. When he finally reaches me, I fight him off without using all my strength this time.

Emily cuts in again. “You’re holding back now.”

I sigh, frustrated. I need to find the sweet spot. I can’t be too angry, but I can’t be too meek either. I have to find a way to forget this is Winter and see him solely as Arthur. I can’t risk losing my job because of him.

He’s already ruined Graham’s career. I won’t let him ruin mine too.

On the third time, Emily cuts us again, and I can see that her frustration is on the verge of becoming irritation.

“Winter, you’re reuniting with the love of your life, for god’s sake. Where’s that chemistry we all saw in your audition, guys? There was so much tension we could’ve cut it with a knife, and now you’re giving me nothing.”

I hang my head low, feeling like a child being chastised. I hate that he’s affecting how I perform. But I’m not the only who’s doing a poor job. Winter’s not in his best form either. Emily is right; we need to find a way to get back to what we showed in our chemistry test.

I just don’t know how to do that.

“Let’s take a break,” Emily calls out. “Be back in twenty.”

Sprinting out of the stage, I don’t even stop to grab my homemade coffee from where I left it on the crafts table backstage. I make my way out the theater and into Movieland as fast as I can. I need to feel grounded again.

I wish I could make it to the front gate to see my former coworkers, but twenty minutes is too short a break to do that. Instead, I take a seat on the stonewall bench and watch as people come and go, stopping to take pictures with the theater.

Once, I was one of them. Walking around here with my eyes glued to every detail that makes this place magical. The lamp posts that look like they came straight out of a cartoon, the shops that sell props from favorite movies, the rides that make hearts race, the immersive live shows that put viewers in the action. Everything in Movieland is designed to fulfill the promise in its slogan: Lights, Camera, Fun: Live the movie experience at Movieland!

I used to be in awe of this place, but somewhere along these last months, I lost track of the wonder.

Movieland became my workplace, and the magic gradually faded away.

I can’t pinpoint the moment I stopped being amazed by everything the park has to offer, but as I sit on this bench, I try to remind myself of the feeling of walking in here for the first time. That feeling of hope and excitement. That feeling of not knowing what’s ahead but hoping for it to be something amazing.

The spark I had in my eyes when I came here for the first time probably left around the same time I started to doubt that the future held something good for me.

My timer buzzes on my phone, and I make my way back inside again, ready to make this scene work, no matter how many feelings I have to pretend don’t exist.

The next day, when I get to rehearsal, Winter is the first person I see. He’s standing by the door, as if guarding it, but as soon as I walk in, he turns away and finds Cameron across the backstage area.

But when I rest my coffee on the crafts table for the break, I notice he’s watching me. My body still reacts to him, as if it didn’t get the memo that we hate him. The disconnection between my brain and my body is clearer than ever.

He and Cam seem to be having an argument, but when they look my way, I avert my eyes, pretending I’m not paying attention. I wish I could hear what they’re saying. I wonder if Cam knows about Graham, if he’s aware of Winter’s wrongdoings.

I realize I need to talk to Julia. My sister needs to know that her boyfriend’s friend is a scheming liar, who’ll do anything to get ahead. Even betray his best friend.

Emily calls us to start rehearsals, and we do a run through the whole play. When we get to the second-to-last scene in the first act, where Melina escapes her captivity and starts running through the woods, I don’t hold back.

My elbow accidentally hits Winter, and he doubles over in pain.

“It wasn’t that hard,” I complain, but then I see where his hands are, and the look of misery in his eyes.

“You hit my dick,” he hisses, low enough that only I can hear him.

“I didn’t mean to,” I say. I know I should apologize, but I can’t make myself do it. It wasn’t on purpose, but oh well, the universe is clearly sending a message. “Believe me, touching your dick is the last thing I’d want.”

He stares at me, and for a brief moment I see surprise in his eyes. It’s a brief flash that I wouldn’t have caught if I weren’t looking.

Just as briefly, he closes his eyes tipping his head back, as he pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath.

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