Page 30 of First Impressions of You

“Don’t worry about it.” She laughs, and it’s my favorite sound ever. “I love the enthusiasm. I just wanted to give you the news myself. We’ll arrange a formal meeting for the offer this week, and then we’ll let you know the next steps, okay?”

“Yes. Okay, yes.”

“Awesome,” she says. “Welcome to the cast.”

She hangs up, but I can’t look away from my phone, afraid I’ll realize it was just a dream or a figment of my imagination.

It’s the weight of Winter’s hand on my left arm that makes it all real. “Hey. What happened?”

I’m so excited about the news that I don’t even care he’s the first person I’m sharing it with. “I got the part! I’m in the winter play. I’ll be Melina.”

He looks at me like I told him I’m going on the first excursion to Mars. He blinks a few times, then he shakes his head, trying to get rid of whatever emotion just overtook him. I can see a shadow of something behind his eyes, but I’m not sure what. When he finally opens his mouth, he congratulates me in what’s probably the least enthusiastic voice I’ve ever heard from him, and that’s saying a lot.

Then he parks the car, opens the door, and walks away.

My next three shifts at the front gate fly by. Everyone has already heard the news—thanks to my little sister—so people are stopping by to congratulate me all the time. I feel a mixture of pride and paralyzing fear.

I haven’t even officially switched departments yet. Everything could still fall apart before it’s even real.

There are moments when the anxiety gets so high, my brain blacks out. Minutes will go by, and I’ll be functioning on autopilot. Then someone or something calls me out of my trance.

I’ve never felt this kind of panic before. The amount of weight I’m putting on this role is probably not healthy, but I can’t help it. Not after so many rejections. So many failures. This has to be the one that works out.

Getting this role is just the first step, but without it, I can’t even dream of getting that sponsorship I need for my visa. Without this role, I can’t prove to my parents that I can make it as a working actress in LA.

But our deal was clear: I get to stay if I get a sponsored visa and a paid job as an actress. I have the job now, but I still need the visa.

And just because I know how important this job is, I’m terrified of losing it. Maybe when I finally sign the papers to transfer from the park team to the theater department, I’ll be a little more confident, but I doubt it. Knowing myself, I’ll still expect to be ripped of this opportunity even when I’m on stage playing the princess, bride dress on and all.

Holy shit. I’ll be on stage. Playing the princess.

This can’t be real.

I’m not good enough for this. I don’t even have enough experience. What were they thinking when they cast me?

There has got to be a mistake. Emily Eddings meant to call someone else to give the news. Not me.

I can feel the freezing cold of fear swirling inside of me. It starts low in my belly and quickly spreads through my whole body.

“Luiza.” I hear Olivia’s voice, but it sounds distant, muffled through the fog of panic. “Luli,” she repeats.

“Yes.” I snap out of it at the touch of her hand on my shoulder. “What?”

“I’m taking over for you. You’re good to clock out.” Olivia examines my face, her eyes searching. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t think I can do this,” I blurt out, catching myself by surprise at my honesty.

If Olivia is surprised, she doesn’t let it on. “No,” she says firmly. “Don’t do this. You can. You’re great, Luli. You were chosen because you were the best. Don’t you doubt that.”

The words I heard backstage rush back to me.

You know if they cast her, it’ll only be because she’s Latina and fat, and they need to show diversity in the cast.

What if that girl was right? What if I’m not the best but the most convenient?

“I’ll always be your number one fan,” Olivia continues. “Okay, I think Julia would fight me on that. Maybe number two,” she jokes. “But I can’t wait for thousands of other people to join me. You’re just nervous because you’re signing the papers today. But hey.” She cups my face, forcing me to meet her eyes. “It’ll be amazing. Okay?” She waits for my nod. “Good. Now go. Clock out for the last time, and go be a superstar.”

I’m so out of it, I don’t even realize I just got a pep talk from my young sister. And what’s even worse is that it actually works.

---