Page 67 of The High Price Of Loneliness

Gray was outside watching the sun go down. It had been an intense and highly pleasurable weekend with Angelica, but he recharged his batteries best alone. It had always been that way for him. The solace and solitude came at a price. But he preferred being happy and alone to miserable in a toxic relationship with lots of drama. And is there any other kind of relationship? From the male perspective, it can be daunting.

The giant orange sun ball had finally disappeared, and he went inside to pour another glass of red wine. He saw the text from Angelica and discovered he had a “special delivery” waiting for him in his mailbox. He smiled and retrieved what he expected would be a nice, polite thank you card from his mailbox. But, when Edward opened the envelope, he discovered the long handwritten letter from Angelica instead. He thought,Oh no, here we go. As he headed back inside, he was already worried about what might be in store as he read the letter.

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My dear Edward,

I miss you already. A thousand thank yous would not be enough to say how grateful I am you invited me to join you in Washington. That you entrusted me to be by your side at your important business dinner. And now, with your wildly exotic Aston Martin, which I am fearful of getting the least little smudge or scratch on. I drove it slowly to Lido Beach with the top down and the wind in my hair, thinking of you the whole way, how you are with me, how you treat me, and how proud I am of how you treat everyone around you. You are that rare man I have dreamed of since I was a little girl, my hero who is brave and powerful, brilliant, and kind, but that dream would have never come true if I had never met you.

I am at the beach now, hearing the waves roll in, and each one of them makes me think of you. On waking up those few mornings, I awoke sleeping in your bed and hearing the breakers rolling in on the Gulf. I feel the safest when I am there with you. So, please don’t be mad at me or upset or disappointed when I say the next thing to you. I only mean it from the heart. So, you should know it’s not your cars and jets or shopping that make me feel this way about you, Edward. If all that were gone tomorrow, my heart would still belong to you. You see, I had a dream of you my whole life.

I smiled, watching you sleep this morning; a rare sighting of my Edward not up hours before dawn on yet another big conquest. I was struck by how beautiful you are. As I ran my fingers through your hair, I thought of you as a vision that I can never find in anyone else,and it is at times like this that I know what my purpose is in life.

I am here to love you, Edward, to be held in your arms and you in mine and to protect your guarded heart as much as you have proven to protect mine. I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I am here because there is no other place but you for me.

Today as you left to return to your home by the sea, I stood watching with a breaking heart as you slowly drove away. I find myself straining to remember everything about you the moment you leave. But soon, always too soon, you are gone again. I bow my head and cry and cry, aching for you. Just you.

So that is the thank you note I’m writing to you on this day, to say thank you for the greatest gift of all you have given me. Just you.

With all my love and devotion,

Angelica

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“Men don’t cry,” Edward said to himself as his eyes blurred from the tears fighting to form on the battlefront within. He sighed, got up from his white couch, and walked to the bar to pour himself a cocktail, seeking insulation and protection from the feelings welling up inside him reading her words. He was supposed to be the best at keeping his distance from romantic, emotional connections based on his painful past. But, somehow, Angelica had slipped past the guards at the gates to his heart. He took his drink outside to the pool and looked at the ocean to think. But when he saw the breakers rolling in, his thoughts returned to her.

He gathered his composure before reaching out to Angelica with a text and said,Can you talk?

A moment passed before she replied,Always.

Edward phoned her up, and she picked up on his first ring with a cheerful but reserved “Hello.” She felt cautious about how far she went in her letter and wanted to hear him speak first.

He spoke in a kind but careful tone. “First of all, thank you for all that you wrote in your letter, Angelica. I was very flattered to read all of it. But I think it is important that we talk about your expectations of me. And with us.”

Angelica replied, “I just came back to Lido Beach.”

Edward smiled, relieved that she had not driven all the way back home yet and added, “Oh, so you’re just ten minutes away from me then. Care to come here so we can talk?”

Angelica said cheerfully, “Sure! I’m on my way.”

Edward stopped himself as he was just about to say “drive safe,” his usual conversation when she was on her way to him, but he didn’t want it to sound like he was worried about the Aston Martin, so he just added, “See you soon.”

Angelica was so happy that Edward wanted to see her and talk in person. A text or phone call to “talk” would have been a big letdown after what she had written to him. So, she did not speed but took her time deliberately, driving slowly back out to his home. Seeing the outline of his massive oceanfront estate drawing near, Angelica took a deep breath as she was about to pull in, yet once again.

Edward paced the whole ten minutes until she arrived in his circle driveway and parked in the exact spot she had the first night when she drove him home. That had been the fateful night they met, and he asked her to drive him home after she got rid of her date, only to come back hours later to meet him.

In a way, Mr. Gray had called this meeting and summoned Angelica into his world. The question for him to answer was: “What are you going to do now?”

Angelica looked sheepishly down at her shoes as she rang Edward’s doorbell. She had poured her naked heart into her letter. It was his to pound into the ground if he chose; she had nothing to protect her and nothing to hide behind when the door opened. Her heart was laid bare already.

Edward graciously but carefully invited her in. It was not a rush to passionate hugs and romance as much as a careful walk across rice paper. “Please come,” Edward said, leading her to the white couches. Angelica was glad he wanted to talk in person but was trying her best to keep her heart from pounding any louder lest Edward might hear it.

He spoke first. “Thank you for what you wrote. And I know we just signed a one-year Agreement and made our plans around that, but I can tell from all that you poured into your letter that you want more,” he said with a pause, looking at her, inviting her to speak.

Angelica smiled, relieved. She thought that Edward understood. “Yes, I do, Edward. I hope you aren’t upset with me.”

“Of course, I’m not upset with you. How could anyone be upset after reading that letter? What I would be willing to do is provide you with a generous allowance so you would not have to work anymore, unless you find something that you are passionate about or want to pursue. And I will look for more opportunities for us to travel together. I can have an abundance of retail shopping clerks all over town waiting for the chance to spoil you anytime your heart desires!” he said with a kind smile, hoping to put a jovial and positive spin on his increased financial support for Angelica. “How does that sound?”

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