Page 45 of The High Price Of Loneliness

“He will just love it, Angelica!” Sandra agreed as she nodded her approval and smiled. She added it to the growing pile from their second shopping spree together.

The two had shopped and tried on so many outfits it was too late to try and get to St. Armand’s Circle and the other great store Edward had suggested today. On her way home, she gathered up her next round of shopping bags and boxes from Sandra at Saks to dream about the trip coming up on Thursday. She noticed that she was getting more comfortable with this unlimited shopping budget in Mr. Gray’s world. The pangs of guilt at the checkout register were still there just a bit, but not as much this time.

On the way to her car, she thought about that, but it did not take the wind out of her sails. So, her mind turned to this First Position training that Edward previewed for her briefly on the phone. She was curious, but he offered no further details.

Ever the curious researcher, as she was the night they first met when Gray told her to get rid of her date and come back to meet him, she had done a good bit of homework before putting herself at risk of meeting a total stranger. She now parked in her driveway and gathered all the shopping bags inside and onto her bed, adding a bit of excitement to the décor. She loved opening them and laying all the “spoils of war” out on her bed to see when she got home. There was something about getting a new outfit; it just made you feel good.

She went to the kitchen and poured a glass of white wine, and her curiosity got the best of her. Sitting down with her wine, she Google searched “BDSM First Position” and hit enter. The results opened a new world, and so did her jaw when it dropped open.

There were many articles and videos about the subject, and it was apparent if anything had a “First” position—it probably had more. And in this case, BDSM had lots more positions, but what got her attention most of all was under the subject heading “Slave Training.”

“Slave Training?” she said out loud as she took another gulp of her cold wine. Her mind was racing further down the pathway that she was already on.Is this what Edward wants from me?she thought.To be his slave?The hard limits section of her contract came to mind. Maybe she would need her safe words after all. Gray was not a man that was used to hearing the word “no.”

What if she couldn’t do or be what he wanted from her? Now her mood shifted from the joy of shopping for the trip to being nervous and a bit afraid of the advanced training tomorrow night in the Red Playroom at Gray’s oceanfront estate.

Angelica tossed and turned all night. First Position in slave training rang in her mind, as her imagination reeled about what this “next level” with Mr. Gray might entail. Her research into his First Position training revealed many articles, websites, and videos about the BDSM world and slave training. Some of them were much more extreme than she was prepared for.

“Is this what he wants from me?” she kept asking as her mind searched for answers. She awoke the next morning, tired from lack of sleep, but already nervous about seeing him this evening. She had been reticent today and avoided texting him, half afraid of the answers and half wanting to be with him in person to talk about it. But for now, she needed some extra coffee to get through the workday.

But the hours ticked by, and a bit sooner than she would have liked, it was time to leave and get ready for her evening with Mr. Gray.What was the worst that could happen?she thought. She could simply ask him to let her out of her one-year Agreement. Plus, their prior discussion was about her hard limits and her safe words. After all, if he honored those parts of their arrangement, she could offer First Position all he wanted tonight. Maybe?

She left work and drove to St. Armand’s Circle to the high-end exclusive store Edward had recommended, Dream Weaver. In a way, this is what Mr. Gray had been doing to her all this time—“weaving” dreams of a life so unobtainable and so extraordinary that it would make it hard for her, or any woman, to say no to Mr. Gray. So, she walked through the door to peek at the most exquisite designer clothes she had ever seen. Those who shopped there were likely less concerned with the price than simply having something that no one else would be wearing—one-of-a-kind and very chic.

So maybe a little slave training was back on the table as she picked out one outfit that would likely become her favorite thing in her closet. As they rang up her latest shopping purchase on Edward’s Platinum card, her apprehension of advanced training in Edward’s Red Playroom began growing in the pit of her stomach. She had always felt safe with him, but she was less than an hour away from her date with destiny. She put her new prizes in the trunk of her car so she could leave the top down on her Nissan Z for a short drive along Lido Beach. It was almost sunset, and she loved this time of day on the water. Just the feeling of the ocean breeze against her face and flowing through her hair always seemed to set her free. She thought about Edward and their upcoming trip this weekend which was still going to be exciting and full of first experiences.

As she turned her car around to head toward Gray’s home on Longboat Key, she decided to turn her mind and energy around and go to him with an open mind. After all, he had earned her trust on many levels. She wished he had talked to her more to prepare her mentally. Her mind had raced all night and much of the day today in anticipation. The conflict within her was really about the words “slave training.” She hated that label or expression, she rationalized. Even though, slowly but surely, she wanted to belong to him more and more however high a price there might be.

Once again, her car made its way to Edward’s circular drive, and she found herself with her finger about to ring his doorbell when the front door opened magically before her. Edward’s free hand and arm made a grand sweeping gesture, palm up, inviting Angelica in as he welcomed her. “Good evening, Ms. Hart,” he said with a gracious smile.

She walked straight to Edward, dropping her purse on the ground to free both her hands to wrap around his neck. She pulled him tight to her and held him close. He could feel her nervous energy and quickly sensed something was wrong. Gray wrapped his strong but gentle arms around Angelica and welcomed her warmly without speaking. The two just stood there inside his doorway, silently clutched in an embrace unlike any other until now.

He stroked her long hair and down her back with an energy he hoped would comfort her as he broke the long silence and said, “Is everything ok, Kitten?” She replied with a bit more silence, nuzzling her nose and lips into Edward’s neck, still holding him tightly. Then, after another moment or two, she was finally ready to speak to him.

“I am a little nervous about tonight, Edward. Maybe even scared just a little bit.”

For once, Gray was at a loss for words. He had no idea what had brought this on, especially after how they had been intensely and passionately together each time. He invited her eagerly and said, “Please come on in and tell me all about it. Start at the very beginning, and don’t leave anything out.” Gray gestured for her to join him in the kitchen as he closed the heavy front door behind them.

Angelica sighed as they walked together with his arm encircled gently around her waist. “I knew I would feel better the moment I saw you and could hear your voice, Edward.”

Gray gently pulled her closer and probed further, “Tell me what is worrying you, Kitten.”

Angelica began sharing her story as Edward poured each of them a glass of her favorite white wine. “I went shopping at Saks for our trip yesterday after we spoke on the phone, just like you instructed. Sandra was amazing as always, and everything went great there.” She paused, and he could see the clouds forming over her forehead as her eyebrows furrowed closer together when she said, “But I Google searched First Position training out of curiosity. I just wanted to see if it is a thing, and if so, what it is about.” Angelica paused momentarily to find the courage to continue.

Gray intervened, sensing what she might be uncomfortable talking about. “And what did you discover when you did your search?” he asked in a calm, quiet voice coaxing her to continue down this path a bit further for him as he handed her a glass of wine.

Angelica said, “Thank you,” as she took the glass from Edward, thankful for the momentary distraction before she plunged into the more challenging conversation ahead.

“BDSM Slave Training,” she finally blurted out, relieved to have shared her worry. She continued and added, “The results went on for pages and pages with websites and videos and blog articles.” She described her eye-opening journey and said, “It was more than just a little bit intimidating; the whole idea of ‘Slave Training,’ potentially starting with you in the Red Playroom tonight, Edward.” She paused and took a long and much-needed drink of her wine but felt relieved to have it finally out on the table.

Edward reached over to Angelica gently and stroked her hair and then caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers softly as he spoke to her. “First of all, Angelica, thank you for sharing your worry and concern with me,” he said gazing at her with those hypnotically blue eyes she could always get lost in. He continued, “But most importantly, one of my first principles is simply this—you never have to do anything with me that you do not enthusiastically choose.” Then he gently cupped her chin in his warm and inviting hand for emphasis and said, “Do you understand?” He paused for her reply as she looked back into his powerful gaze.

After only a heartbeat of a pause, she said softly, “Yes, sir.”

Gray took her wine glass back momentarily to set it down on the kitchen’s granite countertop so he could wrap her in his arms and hold her close once again. With her body pressing into his but still looking into her eyes, he added, “I wondered why you were so quiet all day. I heard hardly a peep from you. I only had one text from you all day. I certainly wish you had called me right away or at least texted me if you had any questions or concerns about anything related to us but especially things having to do with our Dominant and submissive world. I know this is still very new to you, Angelica.”

She was relieved to hear his response and gushed, “I know I should have. It kept me up tossing and turning all last night, worried sick about slave training with you tonight,” she confessed.

Gray smiled warmly at her once more, looking into her eyes, as he asked her to turn around with her back towards him.

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