Page 22 of Until Beckett

Hurt, ashamed, angry… or something else?

It wasn’t like it was just a typical thing that came up when talking with your wife after a hard day at work or even expect to fall into everyday conversation.

“You seem lost in thought, baby,” Beckett said as I stared at the clock on the wall early on the morning of Mother’s Day. “I know today is—”

“I just can’t help but think about how much has changed. That Isabella would have loved today.” I rubbed my hands over my face, waiting for Mila to wake up. “It’s just raw, I guess. I don’t mean to—”

“Don’t you dare think like that,” Beckett said, looking at me in a loving way. His eyes shining back at me full of lust as his plump bow like lips screamed ‘kiss me’. “You never have to apologize to me. I’m yours no matter what and will always listen and support you.”

“Thank you. I needed that, especially today,” I whispered. “I think I’m going to take Mila in a minute to visit Isabella, and afterward we could maybe have a special lunch together if you’d like to?”

“That sounds absolutely perfect.” Beckett nodded at me. “I’ll whip something together for us to eat while you’re out.”

“That’ll be perfect,” I said as I smiled at him. “I’ll just go and start getting the two of us ready.” I pushed myself to stand and inhaled deeply, knowing that as long as I put one foot in front of the other, I could get through the day.

I didn’t have any other choice in the matter.

* * *

I knewI’d walked this path multiple times after coming here each week, but today every emotion I’d suppressed within me suddenly came to the forefront of my mind and had started to overwhelm me. I didn’t want Mila to become upset, as she caught on to my feelings easily these days. She was such an inquisitive little girl already and could sense if either Beckett or I were uneasy. I’m certain it was a trait children had to try and help soothe us and ground us back down to reality again.

I mean, today should’ve been Isabella’s special day, her first Mother’s Day, and here I was taking her daughter to the place where she lay to rest. I choked, batting the tears away from my eyelashes as I took a quick glance up at the clouds above before quickly fixating on the path ahead again.

The moment we arrived, I looked down at Mila’s sleeping form and chuckled at the irony—of course the little princess would decide to have a nap now.

It was as if it was a sign, though, a moment for just me and Isabella.

“Hey, you. I know I’ve been quiet, but you know…” I shuffled on the balls of my feet before continuing. “I didn’t know what to say or how to react around you. This was for Mila and always will be.” I sighed. “The guilt and the betrayal… I don’t know how you’d see the picture now of our life,” I mumbled out. “I mean, you could be cursing me and yelling.”

A sudden gust of wind blew across me, causing me to turn to my side, making me shudder and shake.

“I never saw him as anything more than a friend when I was with you, Isabella. I never thought of myself that way.” I sighed as I placed the new flowers down that Mila and I picked up yesterday, as we didn’t have time this morning. “I just hope that maybe you could find it in your heart and be happy for us. That you could see that Beckett is perfect for me and Mila.” I stood up to take a look at the display just as a butterfly landed on my hand and the wind blew past me, knocking my balance slightly so I had to step to the side.

I swallowed back harshly and allowed the tears to fall as I stared at the butterfly on my hand before it flew and landed on Mila’s butterfly covered blanket, then I allowed myself to let my sobbed breaths out.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I stared at the beautiful creature flapping its wings in front of me. “Thank you for forgiving me. You’ll never know how much it means to me,” I said just as Mila stirred and opened her eyes, giving a smile as she saw the butterfly take flight and hover for a moment around the flowers I’d just laid before flying away from us.

It was as if I finally had the permission to ease the confusion within my heart and mind and fully commit to the man, I knew deep down I cared for—no loved—so much.

THIRTEEN

BECKETT

I couldn’t believe that our princess Mila was two years old today. So much had changed over the last eighteen months since Mother’s Day and Corey came home a bawling mess.

At first, I was petrified that something terrible was wrong, but the moment I caught his huge grin, I was instantly knocked sideways, reaching for the staircase handrail to support my weight so my knees didn’t buckle underneath me. I hadn’t understood at that moment how defining that day would be for the two of us, but it marked a significant change in not only our relationship but our entire future too.

I’d never thought the significance of an event could make such an impact on someone, but during that meal, I’ll never forget as Corey repeated what had happened with the butterfly. It had my heart soaring and my own emotions rising too.

It seemed like a sign—or fate if you believed in the possibility—that Isabella was giving the two of us her blessing. It was a pivotal moment for Corey, as his heart was always mine when we were alone, but his doubts and concerns existed once we came home. He’d told me plenty of times that if I didn’t feel comfortable waiting, then he understood, but I wasn’t going to run away from this connection no matter how long it took him to reach the same point as I was at.

From that moment on, Corey just allowed our relationship to naturally unfold into whatever shape it wanted—even in the public eye around the local area. It was only a few weeks later that our friends all discovered our new relationship and showed us their unconditional support. It was the exact response Corey needed to have.

“Give us a twirl, princess?” I asked her, spinning my finger in the air as she reached for it, allowing the butterfly-printed dress to catch the air and puff out around her. “You look beautiful.” I scooped her up in my arms and planted little kisses on her cheek as Corey walked into the room and leaned against the doorframe.

“Where’s mine?” he asked as I walked toward him and smirked as Mila tapped my shoulder and pouted at me.

“Down, Dada. I wanna p-lay,” Mila proudly said, looking at the two of us and grinning with that big smile and wide cheeks we both loved so much. “Pwease,” she asked, clapping her hands together and batting her eyelashes at me. She certainly was going to be a heartbreaker as she grew up.

---