Page 18 of Until Beckett

“Yeah, you two are sorting this out and we’re taking the princess with us for the day. No arguments,” Asher confirmed as Beckett got up from the floor, leaving me with the children and instantly floored with their words as he headed over to the table to grab a pastry for himself.

“I think that sounds perfect,” Beckett agreed as he nodded at Asher and November before heading toward them in the kitchen and the array of drinks being prepared. “Want a hand with them?” he asked as she smiled widely. “Only, of course, after you made your guy sweat enough, that is?”

“What do you mean by sweating enough?” Asher turned and narrowed his eyes at November, and her cheeks blushed a vivid red at the intensity of his gaze. “November?”

“I don’t like being kept out of the loop.” She chuckled. “At least I got to see you panic slightly. I enjoyed that, thanks for the suggestion.” She winked at Beckett as my mouth instantly dried at their scheming together. “He messaged me and let me know he was heading this way, just in case—”

“You know I’ll get you back.” Asher appeared behind my shoulder and whispered, “I thought—”

“You’ll be thanking me later.” Beckett winked as he reached for two of the drinks on the kitchen counter and made his way toward me.

I instantly got up and went to him, taking the drink from his hand and sipping it before glancing at the people I cared about. In the past I’d have been seeing a group of friends, but now I see so much more—family and possibly a lover. Was this what life was meant to be like for me?

“You can tell mischief has arrived, can’t you? He’s always up to something,” I exclaimed as I took a breath and went with the instinct of placing my hand on his lower back and hoping he didn’t recoil away from it. “Do I need to try and keep him more in line for you?” I chuckled as three sets of eyes turned to me and acknowledged my move.

“You can try,” Beckett countered as Asher and November smirked back. “I wonder how you’ll manage that.”

“Well, you’ll just have to see, won’t you,” I uttered.

* * *

I never imaginedI would have the guts to flirt with Beckett in that manner—especially when leaning into this side of my sexuality was so unknown to me—let alone in front of our friends, but it seemed so natural in the moment, even with my nerves sky high at potential rejection.

I shouldn’t have worried, though. Beckett took to my touch as if it was something of an everyday occurrence. The fact our friends just accepted how the two of us were together made me think that the challenge of other people’s opinions wasn’t as big of an issue as I’d made it out to be in my mind.

I’d never been so glad when Beckett took control of the situation and thanked Asher and November for their offer to take Mila for the day and give us some time alone. We’d decided to stay at their place so we could have somewhere we could talk without the worry of someone bumping into us and crashing in on our moment and time together. I mean, Murfreesboro was a place where we knew a lot of people and, having not visited in a while, it would be our luck that someone would spot us and want to check in on how I was doing.

“Thank you for earlier and for caring about Mila—” I began the moment we were alone. “I wasn’t expecting that, but I think it’ll be good for the two of us.”

“That’s why I said what I did,” Beckett said. “I think the two of us have a lot of feelings and emotions to unravel together. A few hours aren’t going to even scratch the surface of what we need to get through together, but it will be a start and enough for the two of us to know exactly what we want to do moving forward.”

“That’s so true, but right now, we can at least start with the truth,” I admitted. “We can deal with the rest as it hits us, but the basic bones of the matter need to come together now.”

“Last night,” Beckett started as he patted the space next to him on the sofa. “I meant every fucking word, but I know you’ll need me to tell you over and over again until it sinks in, then repeatedly confirm that with my actions.” He breathed out, twisting his knees so they touched mine. “I’m not ashamed to do that as long as that’s what you want me to do.”

“I want to know that for every wobble and uncertainty I discover, I won’t be left alone to pick up the pieces,” I exclaimed breathlessly, admitting the hidden fear I’d held within me. “I’m petrified that the more of myself I give to you, I have the potential of destroying who I am and not knowing what’s left. What if you hate the person I am? What if I can’t deal with knowing—”

“Knowing that you want me or that you’re unsure if you can move on in life and be happy with someone else so soon after having lost Isabella?” he asked before placing his hand on my knee. “I’m sorry, but I need to ask the hard questions.”

“I know, but damn, it’s like you’re looking into my mind and can see all my fears. That you can see all the possibilities that are in front of me are making me scared and panicked. That I--” I sighed gently as a shiver passed through me. “I desperately wish I could have just five minutes with her again, you know?”

“I do,” Beckett whispered, catching my eye. “You want to ask her, don’t you?”

I nodded, not ashamed of my thoughts or actions. The only way this could work is if the two of us were truthful with one another. I needed to be honest with Beckett if I didn’t want there to be constant barriers and pain standing between us. He had to see that inside I was a ball of unknown, confused sensations, not knowing the best way to express myself.

“Beckett, I’m scared that everything I experienced felt so natural and right with you. What if what I had with Isabella wasn’t real?” I admitted, taking a huge influx of breath before letting it slowly out. “It’s like the person I believed I always was is a complete fraud. I’m scared that if I do what I want to, the thoughts in my head won’t align with the chemistry I imagine should exist. What if I don’t feel the same?”

“Corey, don’t think about it, just act on whatever is in your mind,” he said. “I’m not someone to play with, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m scared that I’ll be hurt, too, but fuck, this chemistry is crazy between us. It’s just you can’t see it yet, or maybe you don’t want to accept it’s there. That if you lean into this feeling that you’ll finally unlock all those emotions within.” He continued, “If you want to kiss me, then do it. If you want to touch me, then why aren’t you? For fuck’s sake, if you want to fuck me, then strip me naked and show me. I want to see it all. This is our chance—your chance—to see what you want. If I’m the person you—”

In my heart I couldn’t argue with his words in the slightest. All I kept doing was fighting against myself, but until I cleared my mind of the negativity and finally just gave in to the temptation of desire, I’d never know whether a life could exist more than friendship with Beckett or not.

I reached for Beckett’s hand and pushed myself to stand.

“Are you serious about this? I mean—” I bumbled out as I glanced into his lust-filled gaze. “We could talk or—”

“Corey, nothing will change how I feel about you. If anything, this may cement my feelings more. It’s about building your trust with me—with the two of us in this potentially new dynamic. If I come with you into that bedroom, you’re calling the shots.” He took a deep breath, pulling my hand up to his lips and placing a kiss on it. “You’re in control of what happens.”

“Then take me to my room, baby.” I tested the word on my lips, and an instant fire ignited in my gut, and raw passion overtook Beckett’s face. It was as if he was ravenous for something—no,someone.I took a glance over my shoulder, not comprehending that, in fact, the smoldering, lustful gaze he was giving off was intended for me until a deep rumble echoed from the pit of his throat. I coughed and forced myself to stop for a second and really take Beckett in before letting out the thoughts in my head. “I take it that you like that.”

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