Page 11 of Until Beckett

I reached for my cell and scrolled straight to Asher’s number. I knew I’d been a dick and ignored his attempts to reach out to me since the passing of Isabella—I mean, I’d ignored all attempts that any of his family had made with trying to reach me. The only person I’d let in was Beckett, and now look where I was.

“It’s okay, princess, Daddy is here,” I cooed as I snuggled her against my chest with one of my large hands and began texting a message out to Asher. “I’m here. I’m always here, sweetheart. Let’s see if Uncle Asher and Aunty November can make some space for us for a little while, shall we?”

I continued my focus on my little princess as I started to type out my message, backspacing multiple times before I finally decided on what to say and hit the send button, knowing his lack of sleep had been similar to mine of late with the kids thanks to Beckett’s updates on everyone. I may not have wanted to talk to them but he still tried to keep me involved in what was going on in their lives even if he thought he was being ignored by me.

Me: Hey, man, I know I’ve been distant and I have a lot of explaining to do, but can Mila and I make our way to you and November? I just need to clear my head for a bit.

My phone almost instantly vibrated with an incoming call—one I knew I couldn’t answer—in case Beckett had his ear pressed against my door. If that was the case, my leaving was going to be all that much harder. My best hope was that if Asher was fine with me coming to him, that I was packed and ready to go and that Beckett finally gave in and succumbed to sleep—at least there’d be no awkwardness in my departure, then. I mean, we both were exhausted, thanks to this little bundle, except now I was running on adrenaline and anger at myself, knowing I’d no way be sleeping any time soon. The moment the call stopped, I only had to wait a few moments before the light flashed up on my screen and a text appeared.

Asher: I take it you can’t speak at the moment. I won’t ask any questions—yet. My place is always open to you, man. I’ll see you and the little princess soon.

“It looks like we’re going on a little vacation, princess, just you and me,” I whispered into her soft head as her little red tufts tickled my nose as I sniffed in her smell that warmed my heart. “I think it’s the break we both need, just for a little while at least. All you have to do is sleep, my princess, and leave the rest to Daddy. I love you so much,” I said before kissing the top of her head.

The moment she closed her little eyes again, I would get to work.

I had to believe this was the best option for the both of us, otherwise the free fall I’d just pulled myself out from would become instantaneous and then where would I be? Alone, hollow and completely broken.

All because of my own stupidity.

* * *

I didn’t know how,but luck had fallen on my side when I decided to time myself on leaving the house. I went to scout out the place before taking all Mila’s and my luggage to the front door in preparation, so if I needed to have a tricky conversation with Beckett, I could. But as I passed the living room, I saw it was empty. I backtracked and gently eased open his bedroom door and took in the passed-out sleeping beauty on the bed and knew that this was it—this was my chance if I was going to do it, to leave and not look back. I quietly grabbed the luggage I’d packed and took it toward the front door, trying to keep my footsteps light and ensuring I didn’t knock anything against any sides or edges, which would wake up either Beckett or my sleeping princess.

I had to be stealthy and ensure that I had enough time to leave without being caught in the act.

I saw the lined notepad and pen on the kitchen table and immediately knew I couldn’t leave without a few choice words letting him know that we both were okay and hadn’t come to harm. When I was done writing, I attached the folded piece of paper with Beckett’s name on it to the notice board.

“Right, time to get going,” I whispered in a soft tone as I strapped the baby carrier to my chest, knowing that it would be the easiest way to move Mila without waking her, as the constant movement would keep her settled. “Murfreesboro, here we come…”

The anxious feeling settled within me, when I realized I hadn’t brought the stroller in from out of the car earlier so our way out of here would be much easier now. It was less to have to take with us and therefore give me more of a chance of sneaking out quicker with just the luggage and Mila in tow.

I just needed to be in the car, creating as much distance between the two of us as quickly as possible. The sooner I had my foot on the gas, the better.

* * *

The momentI saw the sign for Murfreesboro and reached Asher and November’s place, everything inside of me settled. I could enjoy a few days without worrying and stressing over what had happened before having to face Beckett again and of course reality. All that mattered right now was the present moment and some much-needed vacation time with friends I needed to have a good catch-up with. The journey had been stressful, and Mila had been grouchy, probably searching for Beckett and comfort from the two of us along the way, but thankfully that damn tooth had cut her gum at some point and helped with her discomfort. I’d realized about halfway there I’d left her favorite blanket back at home but I knew I couldn’t exactly turn around and head back for it or just message Beckett asking for him to come to my rescue. I needed this break, the two us of did even if it was for different reasons. I just hoped that Mila could attach herself to a different comforter just for while we were here at least.

The moment we pulled up outside their place, the door swung open as if one of them had been sitting all day watching from the window for our arrival. I chuckled under my breath, imagining them peeping at every car passing by and sighing, knowing that it wasn’t me. I mean, I did leave an hour or two after the texts to Asher and, of course, had to stop off to change and feed the little smiling princess in the car seat, who was currently gurgling away, reaching for her brightly-colored spiralled caterpillar that hung above her, next to her toy mirror with the purple butterfly in the corner that she was fascinated with. It didn’t take long for Asher and November to quickly appear in the doorway of their house with their three little ones, April, June, and July attached to their sides, waiting for the two of us to gather the courage to get out of the car and make our way toward them.

I took a breath and steadied my nerves, unsure of the grilling I was about to get. Had Beckett already discovered I’d left and contacted them? Would he even be bothered? I mean, I did say to go home and leave, in not so many words. It would be simpler in the long run. I should never have made a move and should’ve listened to him when he asked if I was certain about it. At the time, I was, but he obviously could see my own thoughts better than I could. I wish I’d paid more attention.

I climbed out of the car and immediately opened the backdoor and unstrapped the little princess, bundling her up into my arms before placing her bag of necessities over my shoulder. Then I closed the car door before making my way up the path toward the sets of eyes all focused on me.

“I wasn’t expecting your text at that hour, but I’m so glad you’re here,” Asher stated, clasping me on the shoulder before crouching slightly to get a better look at Mila snuggled into me. “She’s grown so quickly.”

“They tend to do that.” November laughed softly. “Look at ours. Doesn’t seem two seconds since they were that small either, and now…”

“That’s why I love you, rounded and full, expecting the next little bundle. We get to start all over again.” Asher turned toward his woman and smiled widely as she blushed fiercely at us both before hoisting one of their little ones onto her hip. Asher turned back to face me and grinned. “I couldn’t deny telling a few of the guys you were coming. It seemed you needed to just get away, get a break from things, but I thought Beckett may be with you.”

“He’s stuck back at work,” I instantly lied, averting my eyes as November’s gaze locked on mine. It was as if she could smell the bullshit leaving my mouth. “He couldn’t get any more time off work after spending so long with me after everything that’s happened. He told me to go and enjoy myself.” I hated lying to my friends, but it wasn’t like I could just shout from the rooftops the actual reason why I was here. I could imagine that conversation needing a bit more finesse for one, and I was uncertain how’d they react. I mean, my wife—their friend—had only just passed away a few months ago. It was as if I’d betrayed her memory and also my daughter by doing that with Beckett.

“But it was all very sudden, Corey. Unexpected, even,” November began to state as Asher coughed, making her glare at him. “We’re glad you’re here, though, no matter the reasons. But if you do need to talk about anything, we’re both here.”

“Thank you.” I gulped back the emotions that were gathering within me. “It means a lot, and I mean that, November.”

“Right. You must be exhausted,” Asher said, breaking the atmosphere and tension between us all. “Shall we get the little ones inside and settled and then I’ll come and help you get the car unloaded?” he asked. “Nico said he’s popping over in a bit on his way back from the precinct.”

“I can’t wait to see him and catch up. It’s been a while.” I smiled softly at him. “I didn’t pay much attention to everyone who turned up on that day—”

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