Page 62 of Awakening the Sheriff

“No clue. Never so much as looked twice at another man…until him. Somehow he just got to me.”

Tricia rose and held her arms wide open, and I stepped into her embrace. She hugged me tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Auden. You deserve this. I was worried about you.”

I let go of her. “You were?”

“You weren’t happy.” She cupped my cheek. “Don’t forget I know you better than anyone else. You keep up a good front, but inside, you were sad and hurting, and it broke my heart. Plus, you were working so much, like you were trying to distract yourself from everything else.”

She’d seen way more than I had myself, and that humbled me. “Yeah, I did become a workaholic. But I’ve scaled back my hours recently, wanting to focus on spending time with Keaton and the girls.” I sighed, burying my head in my hands. “And yes, I was hurting. Even more after you got engaged. I like Jason, and I’m happy you found love again…but it hurt. You were moving on, and I was…stuck. I couldn’t seem to move past it.”

“I know.”

“You did?”

“I didn’t know how to help you. You were so closed off, even when we were still married. You never let me in on your pain.”

“What do you mean?”

She leaned forward. “When we couldn’t conceive, when it turned out that it was because you were infertile… Itbrokeyou.”

Jesus, she was stabbing me right through my heart. “It did,” I said hoarsely. “All I ever wanted was to marry you, start a family, and become sheriff. And when I couldn’t, when I couldn’t give you what you wanted so much…”

I couldn’t continue, too choked up.

“You felt like a failure,” Tricia said softly.

“How could I not? It was the one thing you needed from me.”

“No, Auden, it wasn’t. I loved you for you, not because of your sperm or because you’d be able to give me kids. I needed you as a person, your love and support and comfort, for you to protect me and take care of me. And you did all that. You were the best husband any woman could ask for.”

“Then what went wrong? If I did everything right, how come I still lost you?”

“Oh, Auden…” Tricia got up, sat on the couch beside me, and took my hand. “We grew apart. It had nothing to do with you not being good enough. We outgrew each other. We were so young when we started dating and got married. Then you joined the Army, and I became an Army wife, which wasn’t easy either. And our infertility struggles didn’t help. We should’ve leaned on each other, but instead, we drifted apart.”

“I blamed myself. Even though you said it wasn’t my fault, I blamed myself. I thought I broke us.”

“I know you did, and I’m telling you that you’re wrong. Your inability to forgive yourself for something you didn’t need forgiveness for… It broke my heart. I’m not angry with you, and I have never been. You need to stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself.”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and my chest tightened. I had never realized how deeply I’d been holding on to that guilt. As I looked into her eyes, I saw the truth behind her words. This conversation was far more emotional and intense than I’d anticipated, but I was grateful for it. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and my heart was lighter than it had been in years.

“Thank you,” I whispered, hugging her. “I needed to hear that.”

“I would’ve told you sooner, but you weren’t ready to hear it.”

I put my head on her shoulder, maybe the first time in the thirty-plus years that I’d known her that I had leaned on her. “No, I wasn’t. But thank you for setting me free.”

“All I want is your happiness. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. We may not be good together anymore, but you’re still my friend, the father of my children, and that will never change.”

My mind was still reeling from everything Tricia had said as I walked into my parents’ house a little later. They still owned the former farm on the outskirts of town where I had grown up. The couple of acres of land surrounding the place had been farm fields once upon a time, but my father had planted fruit trees and bushes. Cora loved gardening, and she had turned a sizable portion into a vegetable patch. It was their little piece of heaven, and coming here always felt like coming home.

I’d have to ponder Tricia’s words more later because right now, I wanted to focus on my parents and brother…and have another round of the same conversation. Fingers crossed that this one would be a little less intense.

As I walked into my parents’ kitchen, the warm scent of garlic and marinara hit my nostrils. Ennio stood at the stove, stirring the sauce with a wooden spoon. If he was cooking, we would have a delicious meal, as he was a chef at The Lodge.

“Hey, big bro!” Ennio grinned from ear to ear. “How’s your day been?”

“Enlightening.” I took off my jacket and threw it over one of the barstools at the kitchen counter. “I’ve had some important conversations today.”

“Yeah? Anything I need to know about?”

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