Page 47 of Awakening the Sheriff

Those first weeks had been hell. Byron had been obstinate, Milton had been sad, and Mandy had jumped straight into her work without a second thought about helping me and the boys settle in. The more I’d thought about Auden’s analysis of Mandy, the more I’d realized he was right. She wasn’t honest with me, executing her own agenda and using the boys to get her way. What to do about it was still a big question mark, but knowing it wasn’t me had lifted a heavy load off my shoulders already.

We reached the campgrounds, which were closed for the season, of course, but the trailhead parking was still accessible. “We’re gonna hike the blue trail,” Auden said as we got out, pointing at the trailhead map. “There’s nine marked trails here, plus a lot of unmarked ones, but the blue one is a designated winter trail. It’s under two miles, and it leads to a gorgeous lookout over the valley.”

“Sounds good.”

He hoisted the backpack from the back seat. “You wanna bring your coffee?”

“Nah, I’m good. I closed the lid, so it’ll still be warm when we get back.”

The blue trail got good use, judging by the trampled snow, which also made it easier to navigate. The path was wide enough for us to walk side by side, and Auden set a pace I could comfortably keep up with. I was sure that if he’d been on his own, he would’ve gone much faster, and I appreciated his consideration. The air was crisp and cold, stinging my cheeks and nose as I breathed in deeply.

Our footsteps crunched, and other than that and my breaths, nothing else could be heard. The world around us was blanketed in white—a pristine, untouched canvas that muffled all sounds. Snow-covered branches hung low, releasing a flurry of snowflakes as we brushed past. The sun peeked through the trees, casting dappled light on the trail.

“It’s beautiful here,” I said with a happy sigh. “So peaceful.”

“It is. I don’t come here nearly enough.” Auden sounded wistful, his breath puffing out in little white clouds.

“Why not?”

“That’s what I’m asking myself right now as well…” A long silence. “But I’ve been wondering about a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

He took time to formulate his thoughts, but it didn’t bother me. Time seemed to slow down here, the landscape too serene to rush. “Like attraction and how it works. What appealed to you in Mandy?”

My heart jumped. Was he talking about himself and someone he was attracted to? No, he was talking in general, not himself. It settled down again. “She was fun to be around, high energy, adventurous. And at the time, I thought we wanted the same things in life. How about you and Tricia?”

“God, we were so young. Teenagers. She was beautiful and kind, and like you said about Mandy, she was fun and spontaneous. We were well matched…until we weren’t.”

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I still felt like Auden hadn’t told me everything about his divorce. I felt I was missing a piece of the puzzle, but I wasn’t sure what it could be. A hint of pain that was deeper than the sense of failure from a divorce, but that was all I sensed. Maybe it had to do with his kids? I was pretty sure they weren’t his biologically, but he’d never mentioned it. “Sounds familiar.”

“And you haven’t been attracted to anyone since?” Auden asked.

“That depends on your definition of attraction. Sexually attracted, sure. I need some form of sexual chemistry to have sex with someone. But attraction as in wanting to have a relationship with them? No.”

I was lying through my teeth, and I hated it, but how could I confess to Auden that I was attracted to him? It would ruin everything, and I wasn’t willing to pay that price for honesty.

“But in all fairness, I haven’t been open to it either,” I said. “You?”

He sighed. “I’ve gone on a few dates, though it’s been a while since the last one. Never had that connection with someone before.”

“You think that’s something you’d recognize on the first date?”

“I can read people pretty well. Part of the job. And I never met anyone who made me even consider it. I went on three dates with this one woman, Julie-Anne, because she was a daughter of friends of my parents, and I didn’t want to be rude. But after three dates, I still had nothing to talk about with her. I can’t imagine having to search for topics for the rest of your life.”

I chuckled. “Agreed. Well, that’s at least one problem you and I don’t have.”

We reached a steep incline in the trail, and Auden climbed up the slope, offering me a hand when needed, his grip strong and reassuring.

“Do you think attraction is physical or more biological or even chemical?” he asked.

“I think it’s a mix of all those things. Physical attraction plays a role, but there’s also brain chemistry involved, the release of hormones and neurotransmitters like dopamine when we’re attracted to someone.”

“And what about emotional attraction without physical attraction? Do you think that can happen?”

“For sure. Sometimes, we connect with someone on an emotional level that transcends physical attraction. But it also depends on how someone is wired. People who identify as sapiosexual, for example, are attracted to intelligence. To them, that is attractive or even arousing. That has little to nothing to do with physical attraction. And demisexual people often don’t experience attraction until they know someone better. For asexuals, physical attraction may not play a role at all.”

I paid attention to the trail, navigating a patch of slippery ice.

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