Page 39 of Awakening the Sheriff

A strange warmth spread through me. “Looks like you enjoyed yourself.”

The kids joined us, Byron included, and I kept my face neutral.

“I haven’t had that much fun in years.” Keaton wrapped his arms around his kids with obvious affection. Milton leaned into the embrace, and Byron tolerated it. But he wasn’t dismissing Keaton. Progress?

“Neither have we,” Violet chimed in and gave me a hug, her eyes shining with excitement. “Thanks for playing, Mr. Perry.”

“You’re welcome. But count on me practicing for next year so we can beat you.”

Something inside me stirred, a strange sort of tenderness, a softness I didn’t recognize in myself. My heart raced, and a peculiar warmth blossomed in my chest. Was it admiration for the pure joy he was exuding? Or was it something else? It almost felt like…

No, that was impossible. I had to be mistaken.

What was happening to me? Was it possible for a man who had always thought himself straight to find himself attracted to another man? The thought sent a shiver down my spine, but not an entirely unpleasant one.

“Hey, Auden,” Keaton said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Do you know any good places where we can grab some hot cocoa to warm up?”

“Sure. There’s a booth with the best hot cocoa in town. Trust me, I’ve tried them all.”

“Sounds perfect,” Keaton said.

“Here’s to a great day at the Winter Festival.” I raised my cup of steaming hot cocoa once we had all gotten our drinks.

“Cheers!” everyone echoed, clinking their cups together.

The warmth of the drink spread through me, but it paled in comparison to the warmth I felt inside as I looked at Keaton.

“Cheers indeed,” I murmured under my breath, taking a slow, thoughtful sip of my cocoa as I watched Keaton with a newfound curiosity.

14

KEATON

The frigid air nipped at my cheeks as I started the short walk to Auden’s house, my hands shoved deep into my pockets, even with gloves on. The temperatures would dip way below freezing tonight, so I had bundled up. Still, I hadn’t wanted to drive over, eager to clear my head for a bit.

A mixture of emotions churned within me. Today had been a good day, one filled with highs, the snowball fight being one of the bright spots where even Byron had enjoyed himself. I’d never expected him to be so into it, but he’d given it his all, and his good mood had continued through dinner when the three of us had joked and chatted like old times. How I’d missed that connection with them, especially with Byron. It gave me hope for the future that maybe everything wasn’t lost yet.

But that optimism faded as my thoughts turned to the conversation with Mandy that had been playing on a loop in my head ever since I left her house. Her accusation of me being selfish was one I hadn’t been able to let go of. Did that mean she’d been right? Because if it wasn’t true, why couldn’t I brush it off and move on? No matter how I turned and twisted it in my head, looking at it from every side, I couldn’t reason my way out of it.

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

The word kept echoing in my head, popping up whenever I tried to take a mental break. Hopefully, Auden could help me make sense of it. He was not only a great listener, but he also possessed an uncanny ability to make sense of tangled emotions. I was counting on him to offer some clarity and guidance on the matter.

I still couldn’t believe we’d become friends. Not because I had such a low opinion of myself that I didn’t deem myself worthy of his friendship—I wasn’t quitethatinsecure. No, it had more to do with me struggling for months to make any connection with anyone local and then developing this almost-too-good-to-be-true friendship with such a social, popular guy…and, as far as I was concerned, the hottest man in town.

Not that it mattered, but I had discovered that straight guys who looked like that weren’t always too eager to develop close friendships with queer folks. Especially from my generation. A bit of a stereotype, perhaps, but one that was reinforced by my experiences over the years. Most people pegged me as queer after spending a little time with me—though I often got labeled as gay rather than bi—and a lot of straight men had been hesitant to be seen with me as if it would somehow make them less straight. Again, not something I ran into with younger generations, but I’d been burned enough times to be weary of it.

Auden didn’t seem to care about that at all, though that made more sense after meeting his friends. In terms of sexuality, they were an eclectic bunch, and it explained how and why he was so at ease around me.

But still, on the surface, we had little in common yet got along so well. Part of that was because we were both making an effort to be interested in each other’s hobbies. The man had accompanied me to a poetry reading, for crying out loud. No one had ever done that, not even Mandy. It meant the world to me, and hopefully, Auden knew that.

Before I could knock, Auden opened the front door. “Come on in. Did you walk over?”

Squeezing past him, I nodded. “I needed some fresh air.”

He grinned as he closed the door behind me. “I would’ve thought the snowball fight took care of that.”

I chuckled. “Oh, that definitely qualified as refreshing. But no, I wanted to clear my head, and walking often helps. Either that or taking a long drive. I do a lot of thinking on the way to and from Seattle. It’s relaxing for me.”

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